Rebel Girl
by mdc
Summary: A frustrating story of Faith and Buffy. I mean great. A GREAT story of Faith and Buffy. Not frustrating at all. No sirree bob. It's great. ...Hehe... Suckers.
1. Longass introductiony type thingy

_When she talks, I hear the revolution_

_In her hips, there's revolutions_

_When she walks, the revolution's coming_

_In her kiss, I taste the revolution_

_Rebel Girl_

**Faith's POV:**

I almost laughed when I saw the ticket. Oh come on, a _hellmouth_ in a place called _Sunny_dale?

Obvious irony right there, people.

But yeah, I didn't. Laugh that is. What with my watcher recently being _murdered_ and all that. I was pretty much in a hurry anyways. I really didn'twant to bump into that Kakistos piece of shit anytime soon. Sure, if you asked me at the time I woulda told you he's a punk-ass and I could fuck him up really bad.

But I tried.

Had a little smack-down with him. I gave him this sweet scar on his ugly mug. And he.. killed my watcher. Believe it or not, I was scared. And sixteen.

So fuck you if you think that's funny.

My watcher told me the day before that we were gonna move out to Sunnydale and check out the hellmouth sometime. So when I escaped from that relatively fucked up 'incident', I ran straight for the bus station and got a ticket to good ole Sunnydale. Of course I'd never been there. But it sounds right, doesn't it?

_Good ole Sunnydale_.

So there I was.

In Sunnydale.

I knew I shoulda looked straight for that almighty Buffy chick but I didn't. I mean, what the fuck was I sposed to tell her? Oh hey, I lost my watcher. Think I can hang out with yours?

Shit, I didn't have a clue what I was supposed to do.

So hey, I just did what I wanted to do.

Headed straight for the club, man.

Major bummer though. Some club. 'The Bronze'. The music was alright. But damn you shoulda seen the people there. Fuckin teenyboppers tryin to be cool and some old farts tryin to be young.

Usually not my scene.

But hey, it had a bar so it would do for the night. The stupid-ass behind it didn't need much convincing. A little wink, accidentally showed him some cleavage and BAM. Got him wrapped around my little finger. Never had a chance. Five shots of JD later and I'm working it on the dance floor. Shit, I can still see their faces.

"Who the hell is that?"

Either the pissed off 'who the hell?' or the horny 'who the hell?'. I didn't care. And then this complete retard of a vamp comes closer. Thinks he's got some moves.

Riiight.

Jeez, I sense this schmuck from a mile away, I'm thinking I'll let him off for the night and then _he_ comes over. His bad. And oh...nononononoooo.

_Really_.

No.

I should just take him out of his misery already. God, this guy cannot dance. Shit, it was kinda funny though. Hehe, I wonder what woulda happened if I dusted him right then and there. B would've freaked.

Woops, but I'm getting ahead of myself. So where was I? Oh, right.

So I give him my best innocent high school girl look. He bought it. Idiot. Hello? Leather pants, jean jacket, black top with cleavage? _Not_ an innocent high school girl. But then again I'm a damn good actress. So here I am.

He's leading me outside and thank god he isn't looking around or he'd see the look on my face. I'm cracking up. This was just fuckin hysterical. Yeah, we _better_ go to the alley what with the rags you've got on, dead boy. Ok then, here we go. He slams me against a fence and he's about to bite me.

I don't think so, buddy.

WHACK.

Gotcha.

If I wasn't so jazzed up with the fight I'd fall down laughing. Jeez, the _look_ on his face. Classic. I kick him around awhile but I'm getting wicked bored. I need me a stake of some sorts. I notice a bunch of kids staring.

Ooh, lookie at the blonde.

_Nice_.

The stake I mean. I grab the stake out of Buffy's hand and hit it home.

Crap.

Kind of a disappointing fight actually. Oh well, still got the bar. I give her my thanks and head back in.

..._what_?

Of course I knew it was B. I got pretty detailed descriptions. She's kinda cute. Good looking.

But right now, another shot or five of JD is looking better.

And ugh, I definitely need some food.

**Buffy's POV:**

God, I think I almost had a heart-attack or something when I saw her. And I wish I was talking about the fight but nope. I'm talking about her, dancing in the Bronze. Before I knew who or what she was. Sure, I passed off my gawking as pure bitchiness. I even agreed with Cordelia on that slut-comment. I was such a bitch then. But, damn, you should've seen her. All dressed up in leather, moving her body in time with the rhythm. She was drop-dead gorgeous. Sexy.

And hell no, these are not my thoughts. I'm a girl. She's a girl. I am _not_ thinking this.

Denial. Gotta love it.

When we saw her beating up that vamp, something clicked. She did it with such enthusiasm and I was intrigued that she seemed to love every second of it. Needless to say, I was awed. And, just as needless to say, I would never admit I was awed.

Anyways, let's fast forward a little.

So the scoobies and me introduced ourselves as did she. Faith.

Goddamnit why does her _name_ have to be sexy?!

The whole gang was hanging on her every word. Me and Cordy did the whole denial thing, but we were just as intrigued as say... Xander.

Okay, maybe not _that_ intrigued but you know what I mean.

Even Giles had a thing for Faith.

And now, three weeks later, denial is getting pretty weary. She just has this whole vibe around her. When she enters a room, there's a click. Like something changed and for a nanosecond, everyone stops what they're doing because the change is undeniably there. Electricity crackles in the air surrounding her. She oozes sensuality and strength and mystery and all kinds of yummy stuff. She has this way of turning everything you say in a sexual innuendo. When she smiles, I get goose bumps. The good kind. And because those goose bumps are of the good kind, I classify them as the bad kind.

Because getting good goose bumps because Faith _smiled_ is just not a good thing.

And oh, she's charmed everyone. The gang, my mom and Dawn, Giles... She's got everyone wrapped around her little finger. She knows she's charming when she wants to be but I don't think she realizes the magnitude of it all. Something I find charming, personally.

I've started to absolutely _love_ patrol. When I'm with Faith everything just seems...better. I feel complete in a way.

And when she walks, it's all confidence. But I know something you don't know. She does have a soft, insecure side. But it's so hidden away and there are like a zillion titanium walls around it. I've seen it though. Like when the late Kakistos paid her a visit. But when we patrol with the scoobs, she gets protective. She'd never let anything get near any of the scoobs. And when I'm fighting some creature of evil, I know she keeps an eye on me.

Just to make sure I'm ok.

And when it's getting tough, she jumps in. I don't know if I should be annoyed or charmed. Willow got hurt once, and Faith got so pissed off. But right after she killed that vamp, she kneeled next to Will and she had this look. Like she thought she failed her or something.

Like she failed us.

When she realized it was just a scratch, that vulnerable look in her eyes got hidden again. She started joking around. Teasing Will for being such a baby. But it was too late. I saw it.

And once in a while I see it again.

So I'm thinking about all this while she's walking right next to me. I can feel her sneaking a peek every few seconds. She's probably worried. Well congrats, so am I.

God, there's something terribly wrong with me.

"Cheetos." ...wha?

"Wha..?" I turn to gape at her. Did she just say cheetos?

"I'm hungry. Cheetos seem like a good place to start."

She scrunches up her face like she's working out a serious math problem or something when really she's just strategically trying to work out what she'll eat after patrolling.

It's cute, really.

And disturbing.

"That's just weird, Faith." I say while rolling my eyes.

"No, what's weird is that you haven't gotten used to my random food babble by now. That and your whole broody thing you've got goin on right now."

She twirls her stake around while she says this.

Like she's figured me out. Like she knows exactly what's going on.

"I'm just tired is all." I lie. She looks up and smirks.

"Did I tire you out that much, B? I knew you couldn't handle me at training but..." There it is.

That's Faith alright. I roll my eyes yet again.

"As if, Faith. I just didn't sleep well last night. And before you ask; no. I was not thinking about you." Yes I was, but she doesn't need to know that.

She winks at me.

"Sure, B. Just keep on living in your magical world of denial. Where Bill _didn't_ get a blowjob and _elves_ skip around singing the 'I have normal ears'-song. I know you think I'm hot."

Oh god.

_What?_

No. She's bluffing. She's got to be bluffing. Does she know? Who told her? How does she know?

She's bluffing, Buffy. Pull yourself together and say something.

"Shut up, _F_."

Nice.

She just grins and hops on a tombstone effortlessly.

"You forget, B." She twirls around.

What?

I forget what?

What the hell is she talking about?

She sees the look of confusion and jumps back down. She seductively walks over to me and stops. She's so close I can feel her breath on my skin. I can smell her. A sweet mixture of smoke and perfume.

"_I_ like to be the dominatrix. Not the other way around, babe."

She gives me a quick peck on the forehead and struts away.

Ugh! That _bitch_.

I can feel my heart racing and my palms are sweaty. And try as I might I'm incapable of finding a decent comeback.

I hate it when that happens. She drives me insane.

**Faith's POV:**

Three weeks in this town and I think B has made some progress in the 'removal of the stick up her ass'-department. She's cool, really, but the girl needs to loosen up.

_Damn_, all the fun we could have together once I wear down her act.

And actually, I'm not thinkin about sex or anything with her. Sure, I do the whole flirting thing. But that's all it is. All part of making her chill. I know it seems like it doesn't make sense. But look at the facts.

I wind her up, she freaks.

She gets used to it.

She practices some comebacks. Tries to take me on.

Of course she always loses, but she's gotten ballsier.

So has Red, as a matter of fact. Xander's a lost cause. All he does is drool. Oz is cool the way he is. He's got the monosyllabic thing goin for him. That and being a werewolf. Dawn's a whole different story. She's adorable. But she likes me too much. And I know it's just not healthy for her to pick up too many of my habits. So I back up. I love 'er though, the little brat. I tone it down when she's around. Queen C really doesn't need help with the balls. In fact, sometimes, it gets annoying. Needs some tips on the subtle way of things. But she's got balls. I still win though. I'm not big headed.

Just stating the facts.

Lately, B's been all broody. She's slacking on the verbal sparring. Maybe I'm pushing things. But it's just so much fun! I can see that she has to use all her self-control to stop herself from spluttering when I hit her with a good line. Tis one of my favorite pastimes really.

But I'll try to back up.

She's got something on her mind. It's been like this all week. At first she tried to hide it. It's glaringly obvious though. She can hardly even look me in the eye. Shit, I probably scared her. Whatever. I'll back up a little, but that's it. I ain't changing for her. This is me. If she doesn't like it, too bad.

I'd miss her though.

Oh well.

Anyway I gave her a rough time tonight.

_What?_

She's not the only one with things on her mind.

I let myself in my room at the motel and head for the closet. I know exactly what I'm looking for and where it is. I take it out of my bag. It's a picture.

Me and Mike.

Good times. See Mike was my best friend in Boston. I've known him since, what? Since forever? We used to sneak around pretending to be special agents at the playground. We had this major plan to build a tree house but we never got to it. It was fun just planning it out though. He helped me through some tough times. We were really different from each other but there was this one thing we did have in common.

Our fathers were worth shit.

His dad beat him up all the time. My dad... well... Not good. Whenever Mike had a rough time he'd come to me. And I'd do the same. It was a pact we made.

I make myself comfortable on the bed and I stare at the picture intently.

Prom night. God, I remember it so well.

Like it was just yesterday.

See when puberty started, it turned out Mikey was hot. He is. Short messy black hair, deep blue eyes. He's kinda tan, and tall and muscular.

Not in the Arnold way though, thank god. But yeah, we were best friends.

Can you see the Dawson's Creekiness coming up?

Me and him, we did a lot of things at school. Always the talk of the staff and student body. I was fifteen when I finally realized I needed him more than I thought. I wanted it to be more than friendship.

But it was too late. He was moving away. Right after the school year, he was moving to San Fran. It was fucked up, man. I knew he had feelings for me too. I saw it. We had this electricity thing going on. I was fifteen and he was sixteen. But we were much older than that really. You know, in our minds. We'd been through hell and back together. It may have been young but it was pure and true...well...

love.

No shitty high school crush.

But we never said anything. Never did anything. Not even that night. It would hurt too much.

But we knew.

I sigh and lay back. That night.

**Buffy's POV:**

It's Friday morning and I'm heading towards the library. Gotta report to Giles about last night's nearly non-existent vamp activity. Before I know what I'm doing I'm standing in the girls' restroom checking how I look.

Now why would I do a thing like that? I shake my head at myself in the mirror.

"It has nothing to do with her, shut up." I mumble to myself.

God, why do I suck?

I walk in the library and the whole gang's there. Xander is talking animatedly with a typically unenthusiastic Oz. Willow is sitting next to Faith, who has sprawled herself half on the table, her head resting on her arm. Apparently I'm not the only one who talks to myself because Giles is doing exactly the same. They all look up as I enter and I get several 'Heys' and a nod from Giles who then just keeps on ranting.

Faith, by the way, just lay there. I'm slightly peeved that she didn't look up or anything. I grab a chair next to Willow and she smiles at me, rolling her eyes at Faith. She finds Faith both intimidating and endearing. Right now, endearing would be the word.

"..so as you see, even though there might not have been plenty of dark activity yesterday night, it's always important to give a detailed report. Faith?"

Ah, he was talking to Faith.

"Faith, are you listening?" Giles looks up from his book and frowns at the unmoving and completely unresponsive form of Faith. She's probably sleeping.

Willow gently pokes her on the shoulder and she lets out a grunt. Lifting her head, she sighs.

"G-man, I didn't say there wasn't any dark activity last night, cuz believe me there was plenty. But I doubt it's the kind you wanna hear about. Unless you're a kinky perv. Are ya?"

Willow blushes at that and I turn around when I hear Xander chuckle. Oz also looks amused by the turn of events.

Giles is obviously taken aback as he vigorously cleans his glasses. Faith smirks at that and leans back on her chair.

"Buffy?" Giles is practically pleading with me to give him some kind report he can write in his diary.

"Six vamps. Two slayers. Six mysterious dust piles." I reply.

Although it's not exactly what he wanted, he nods and goes back to his office mumbling a not-so heartfelt thank you.

"And _that's_ a good report? Jeez, I basically said the same thing." Faith grumbles slightly offended.

"Well...I wouldn't call 'it was wicked boring G-man, there were only a coupla vamps but we kicked their asses' quite the same, Faith." Willow teases. I smirk at that.

"Yeah, I don't think you'll get a cookie, Faith." I stick my tongue out playfully.

She grabs a pad and pencil and puts her black combat boot-clad feet on the table and starts doodling.

"Whatever." She grumbles and her morning grumpiness strikes me as incredibly cute.

Apparently, so does Willow cuz I can see she's having trouble not cooing over Faith and pinching her cheeks.

"Don't worry, miss grumpy pants, I'm sure you'll get a cookie someday." She nudges Faith who in return just glares at her pad, continuing her doodling.

"In fact," Xander grins. "you can have one now." He takes out a cookie from the pack he took out of his bag and hands it to Faith. She eagerly takes it and munches on it, yet still slightly scowling.

"Here ya go too, Buff." He pats my head as I accept the offered treat and nibble on it. We're all a buncha goofs sometimes. But I love it.

Will leans over to check out what Faith's drawing and I find myself curiously leaning forward when she starts giggling uncontrollably.

"You're insane, Faith." She whispers looking nervously over at Giles' office.

"Thanks, babe." Faith grins. Will gives her a beaming smile.

I know it doesn't mean anything. They're just friends and they're playing around. Will's confidence gets boosted when she talks to Faith and I'm glad, really I am. But does she have to call her 'babe'?

I think it's great though that everybody loves Faith. At first Will was scared she was too cool for us, but Faith isn't like that. There's more to Faith that meets the eye, and personally, I feel privileged to be able to see the real Faith once in a while. Even if they're just glimpses. Sure, she still runs and hides behind the big bad Faith image she has sometimes. Baby steps. She's worth the wait.

I get up and lean over Faith's shoulder to see what was so giggle worthy. Hehe... It's funny and cute. And if I didn't know Faith, I'd find it highly disturbing. She drew a little cartoon Giles summoning up demons with a little balloon saying "Pahaha, now I shall finally receive reports worthy of my holy watcher diaries!". And then below it another one of Giles cleaning his glasses while a demon sneaks up behind him. And at the very bottom an unfinished one of a headless Giles.

It all sounds very gory but it's cute really. I shove her playfully. She just smirks and draws a balloon with the words "Bugger meeeeeee..." next to headless Giles.

"You're such a dork." I say but can't hold in my giggles.

"Apparently, a grumpy dork, so you better watch what you say to me, B." She stretches in her chair and her arm brushes my side.

Shivers. Full body shivers. It's the first time she touched me today. Albeit, accidentally but who cares?

"Anyway, we've got to get with the going boys and girls. It's time for... yes indeedy, class!" Xander quips.

Everyone but Faith gets up.

"See ya later, Faith." Xander pats her on the back. Oz nods at her.

"Yeah, are you passing by for lunch? Maybe get some more cookies of Xander?" Will briefly touches her arm and smiles hopefully.

"Don't think so, Red, got some things to do. But I'll see ya."

My own hopeful smile I didn't even know was there drops, but Willow just nods and waves.

"Don't get into trouble!" Xander says before walking out the doors.

"Are you coming, Buff?" Willow asks as she links her arm around Oz' waist.

"Yeah, I'll be there in five, Will, go ahead." I've got some questions that need to be answered.

They both leave and I'm about to sit next to Faith when she gets up.

"I'm outta here, B. Bye." She walks past me and I catch her arm.

She comes to a halt and turns around, cocking an eyebrow at my hand that's currently gripping her arm. Hey, I didn't give my hand permission to do that!

"Uhh... there something you want, B?" I quickly let go and nod my head excitedly.

And what exactly is it I want again? She's looking at me questioningly with those big brown eyes.

I got nothing.

I shake my head and she smiles at me amused.

"Better stay away from the coffee in the morning. And unless you're sure I can't do anything for ya, I gotta motorvate." She winks at me.

Stay.

"Nah, go ahead, have fun."

What dark activities? What did you do last night? Who were you with? What are you going to do now? Where are you going? Stay.

Stay.

"Alright, bye." She makes her way out.

Stay with me.

"Bye, Faith."

**Faith's POV:**

I am not a morning person. Really, I'm not. Night time is my time and usually, I sleep through mornings. But instead I'm in Sunnyhell High, dragging myself to the library. Slayer life... Chock full of responsibilities.

Ya wouldn't peg me for a responsible girl, would ya?

Me neither. But there are several reasons why I lifted my sleepy ass of my bed and stumbled zombie-like round the streets to get to the school.

One, I enjoy teasing Giles with my completely useless run-through of last night's patrol.

Two, if I'd stayed in bed, I'd stay there all friggen day. And I'd hate myself for being lazy.

Three, and this one is painful for me to admit, I like hanging out with the scoobs.

They seem to like me. Seriously. And not in the way that they wanna get in my pants or nothing. Although Xander's debatable. They just like me.

They seem to appreciate my presence even when I'm not doing anything. Just the fact that I'm there, makes them grateful. It took me a while to figure all this out. And I'm definitely still wary about their motives and sincerity. But so far, they just seem to like me.

And I'm not about to ruin that.

By the time I'm at the school, the fresh cool morning air has woken me up. And I am not one happy bunny, hell no. I'm more like a rampaging fuckin rhino or somethin. I'm striding through the hallways (something incredibly wrong with security here by the way) and I'm sorry there aren't any kids walking around cuz I woulda had fun pushing them aside.

I shove the library doors open and grunt something resembling a "Hi" to Will, Oz and Cordy who're already there. They're familiar with my morning mood and choose wisely to simply wave or nod. I look around and Giles isn't here.

I mumble a few choice profanities and sit on a chair with my arms crossed. The scoobs find this amusing apparently cuz I hear Red giggling.

"God, it's such a lovely morning, isn't it Willow?" Cordy nearly shouts at Will who in turn giggles. Oz stands in for her since her giggle-fit has disabled her from 'teasing' me.

"Why yes, Cordelia, I wish it was always morning." Normally I'd find the monotone way he said that chuckle-worthy but they're tryin to take me on and that just ain't happenin.

"You know, I'm not responsible for my actions in the morning. So if I end up hurting or maiming someone, I could plead temporary insanity. Don't. Push. Me." Cordy and Oz smile at that but Will looks uncertain. I wink at her and she smiles all-out now too.

Hey, I'm still a bad-ass. Just don't have to be with these guys. At least I got 'em to drop it, right?

Cordy takes a chance and grabs a chair next to me. I'm reading a comic Xander left here.

"Hey, Faith, no leathers today?" She winks at me and leans an arm against the table.

I slowly and deliberately stretch my legs and let my eyes wander over them. I look up at her through my eyelashes.

"Guess not, C." She knows exactly what I'm doing and plays along. A hot feral little smile playing on her lips.

"Not that I'm complaining..." She lets her own eyes wander from my head to toe and back up. I can tell you my head and toes weren't what she was focusing on though.

Xander would cream himself if he was here. Speaking of which, I'm getting hot so I should back up a little. Just need to do one little thing though.

I look her straight in the eye and lick my lips. I stand up abruptly and I can't quite put my finger on how she's looking right now. Fear? Is that... is that hope? Desire? Nah, I chase away these thoughts and lean over. My mouth is right next to her ear.

"Think you can handle me, Cor? It's one thing to look but can you handle the touch?" I stand back up and wink at her.

Game Over. She's blushing furiously and looking at me with her mouth open.

I shoot her a dazzling winner smile and look up at Giles coming in.

"Yo, G-man, what took you so long?" I jump up on the counter. He smiles at everyone and tsks at me for sitting on the counter but I ignore it.

"I had some trouble with my car, Faith." He looks at me, waiting for me to start dissing his car like I always do but I decide to give the guy a break.

"Least you got here though, right?" He seems surprised and nods thoughtfully.

"Yes, quite. Well, shall we begin?" Giles walks in his office to get out his diary and I go sit next to Willow.

"Begin what?" Xander just came in and he sits next to Oz. I quirk my eyebrow at that. I thought Cordy was his girlfriend. He's oblivious to the death stare he's getting from her.

"Faith has to report on last night's patrol." Willow answers.

"Joy." He deadpans. Cordelia gets up and grabs her purse coolly.

"I have to go. Bye Faith. Oz, Willow, I'll see you guys later." Oooh, there's trouble a brewin'. I smile at Cordy and then quickly look at Xander to gage his reaction.

The guy's a moron. Oz and I share a little moment of understanding.

"Do it, wolfboy. It's for his own good." I say. Oz nods and slaps Xander on the back of his head.

"Oww! What?!" Xander can be so whiney.

Before anyone can explain to him the obvious, Giles is back.

"Alright, Faith, you may begin." He sits down and looks at me expectantly.

"It was wicked boring G-man. There were only a couple of vamps murkin' around and me and B kicked their sorry asses." I smile at him proudly.

"Er...yes, well. How many vampires were there exactly and where?" I roll my eyes.

"I dunno, G, does it matter?" Uh-oh. I shouldn't have said that.

"Actually, it does, Faith. Let me tell you about a certain encounter we had just a few years ago that seemed trivial but proved to be of high importance." He's gonna be busy for a while so I lay on the table, my arm under my head doubling for a cushion.

He's just going on and on and on. Oh, B's here. I can feel her, she's on school grounds. That makes me smile for some reason. I guess it's fun having her around.

The scoobs all greet her when she enters but I'm too busy ignoring Giles.

He finally ends his little rant but I ignore him when he says my name. I want my damn nap. But then I feel a gentle poke. Fine. I grunt and look up. Dark activity, huh?

Yeah, Giles, I picked up a girl at the Bronze last night. Hot little blonde number too. I think she was ashamed of wanting me at first but she couldn't get enough by the time we got to her apartment. I licked her good. I think her name was Casey or Stacey or something.

I can't really say that to him though. Wouldn't want him to go in cardiac arrest.

"G-man, I didn't say there wasn't any dark activity last night, cuz believe me there was plenty. But I doubt it's the kind you wanna hear about. Unless you're a kinky perv. Are ya?" Hehe, I'm still the queen.

B gives him a slightly better report but I'll be damned if I ever admit it. I put my feet up and start drawing a little Giles cartoon.

They tease me with food but Xander saves me and hands me a cookie. Good boy.

Willow's checking out my doodle and she's giggling like a crazy woman. Uh...It's not that funny but okay. Yeah, I know I'm insane Will.

B gets up and stands behind me. She smells good. Woohoo, she thinks I'm funny too.

Woah.

She nudged me. Full body shivers. What the _hell_ was that?

Now she's calling me a dork but I don't care. At least I make her laugh. I have to get outta here, strange thoughts creepin in my head.

I stretch in my chair and touch her again accidentally. Did she just shiver? Must be my imagination. Whatever, I have to go.

Luckily the gang has to get to class so I don't have to come up with a lame excuse.

Buffy's staying? Oh. Well... I still have to go. Cuz... Stuff to do and what not. As I'm about to walk out she grabs my arm. Goddamnit, stop with the shivers already!

Somehow, I think I'm able to act cool and collected. But fuck there's something weird going on in my head. She decides she doesn't need anything anyway and lets go.

"Alright, bye." I walk away.

God I wish I could stay.

**Buffy's POV:**

Morning went by excruciatingly slow but I survived. I can't say the same for my mom though when she sees the big flaming F I got for chemistry. But I don't care so much.

We're sitting on the grass in front of the school and I'm regaling the gang with a little rant.

"So I says to her, I says to Faith, I says: 'Just cuz your colorful wardrobe of black doesn't easily reveal stainage doesn't mean I'm okay with demon blood splattering about."

Of course it involves Faith. When hasn't it for the past three weeks?

Xander chuckles at that but just when he's about to take a bite out of his burger, he changes his mind.

Maybe talking about demon goo isn't such a good idea when eating lunch.

I smile apologetically at him.

"Sorry, Xand. Maybe I should've picked another topic."

Cordelia packs up the salad she was poking at and nods.

"Ya think?" I roll my eyes at her. She can still be Queen C the bitch sometimes.

"I said I was sorry." I mumble.

"So then what happened?" Willow asks. Obviously trying to steer away from a possible Cordy ass kicking.

I think back at that certain conversation.

We just eliminated two big-ass slimy demons. And that's why I love dusting vamps. They go poof.

These demons on the other hand just went .. shplorch.

Exactly. Not very appetizing now is it?

My totally cute pink top was ruined. And I had every right to comment on the unfairness of the situation.

Of course, Faith, being her Faithy self was laughing her ass off.

"Damn, B, I thought you'd be ecstatic to be rid of that mug-ugly top."

Oh no. She did not just call this top mug-ugly.

"Take it back 'F'." I'm gritting my teeth together. I liked this top! It's cute and it has a heart on it.

It's perfect for slaying! A little wardrobe humor if you will.

She grins that infuriating grin. Have I told you about this certain grin before? I must've cuz she does it every few seconds.

"C'mon, you wanna get your ass kicked over a stupid top?" She sizes me up and I push back the wave of arousal that came over me.

"Like you can kick my ass." I snort rather ungracefully.

She just cocks her eyebrow at that, her grin transforming in a more challenging one.

Okay, okay, so she _can_, in fact, kick my ass once in a while. Doesn't matter though, I'll fight for the honor of my ruined top. It's dignity shall remain unscathed.

"Just cuz your colorful wardrobe of black doesn't easily reveal stainage doesn't mean I'm okay with demon blood splattering about, Faith." ...Okay, not quite the heroic challenge I was going for.

She looks down at her own clothes.

"Okay. So I was going for stealthy/mysterious tonight. I've got some red and blues too though and you know it. I look wicked hot in 'em." She's right. But she looks hot in anything.

"But I guess it doesn't matter, I look hot in anything." She grins yet again.

Woah. Is she a mind-reader now?

Anyway, I tell all this to Willow and she laughs.

And no, I did not tell her about my lusty Faith thoughts. You give me too much credit if you think I'm anywhere near ready to accept those, let alone tell people about them.

"Well hey, there's nothing wrong with stating facts, now is there?" My heart jumps when I hear her voice.

"Oh hey, Faith, you came!" Willow makes some space and she plops down between Wills and me.

Breathe, Buffy, breathe!

"How's my other favorite slayer doing?" Xander asks.

"Five by five." A blank look hits everyone but Faith.

Xander shrugs and hands her the box of cookies and she thankfully accepts, stuffing two in her mouth in less than three seconds.

"Yeah, Faith, the 'greedy pig' look really 'looks hot' on you." Cordelia quips.

"Mah know, ish amazing ainit?" Faith manages to get out together with some flying cookie crumbs. She winks at Cordy.

I guess she's not one for etiquette. Big surprise.

Cordelia winks back at her and I quirk an eyebrow. What was that about?

Faith finishes the cookies in record time.

"So... Anything interesting happen this morning?" She asks, smirking. She knows nothing really interesting happened. But I think it's sweet she asked anyway.

"I again, got some good old positive reinforcement regarding my academic prowess. Got a D instead of an F on chemistry!" Xander feigns enthusiasm.

Everyone just kinda starts talking about random stuff while Oz hands Faith his uneaten sandwich.

"See, B, this is what they call 'being a nice person'." She smirks and takes a big bite.

"What do you mean?" I ask though I know what she's getting at.

"Why don't you ever feed me?" She winks and I think I'm blushing.

Yeah I know what she was going to say but I guess I wasn't prepared for the effect her voice and wink have on me.

"Maybe if you'd ask nicely, I would." I give her a little wink of my own and smile when I see a hint of surprise in her eyes.

It's weird how she's changed the group dynamics. Just a month ago none of us really winked and look at us now. A bunch of winking idiots. Not to mention the rise in profanity.

"Shit, B, I never really thought of that. Maybe I'll try it out some time." She licks a little sauce from her lips and I find myself fascinated by that little action.

"I'm not promising anything but it'll be fun to see you grovel at my feet. Although I get plenty of groveling at training." I say.

Our bantering always makes me happy.

"Delusion." She snorts.

"Denial." I hit back.

"You guys have been taking notes, I see." Faith and I look up surprised and see Oz grinning.

Then we look at each other and burst out laughing. Yeah, I really am happy.

We applaud Oz on the fact that he formed a sentence and a few minutes later Faith gets up.

"Thanks for the grub, guys, but I gotta motor. Have fun being scholastic and what not." She gives a little wave and we say our goodbyes.

I can't help but watch her sauntering off. She really is hot.

I'm sitting in my room and I don't know what the hell to do. It's been approximately seven hours since I've seen Faith. It pisses me off that I can't stop thinking about her. It's like some kind of obsession. I don't like it one bit. I wish I'd get over her already.

... But then that would mean I'm under her.

I am _so_ not under Faith. Nope. I'm simply... intrigued by her. That's it. Nothing more.

Yeah, good thinking B.

Oh god, I even have a Faith voice in my head. _Why??_ I need to get out of the house. Oh holy shit! What the h-... Oh. It's just the phone. Calm down, B. ..uffy. _Buffy_. Calm down _Buffy_.

I pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

I sigh when I hear Willow's voice.

"Hey Buffy, it's me. We're all going to the Bronze tonight. Wanna come?"

Faith. They're all going. Faith'll be there.

"Yeah, sure, I'll be there in half an hour."

"Ok, see ya then, Buff!"

"Bye, Will." I hang up and have this big goofy smile on my face.

Wait.

My smile fades. Do I _want_ Faith to be there? Of course I do. Last time I saw Faith dancing... God. I don't _want_ to want Faith to be there.

But I do.

When she's around I feel so _alive_. She keeps me on my toes. She challenges me in every way. She... Ok, I need to find an outfit for tonight. Even _I'm_ getting sick of these little odes to Faith in my head. I do not have these feelings for her. I'll prove it.

I walk over to my closet and open it. Here goes. I rummage around it for a while until I realize Faith was right. Pastel all around. There has to be _something_ in here. Something that'll make her eyes pop right out. I mean... Something that'll make all the _guys'_ eyes pop out. Not Faith. Nope, not thinking about Faith at all.

I wonder what she'll be wearing.

Twenty minutes later and I'm grinning like an idiot. I look hot. I'm wearing white leather pants and a black top. One of those that you have to tie around your neck. My hair is up and all wild. While putting on my make-up I devise my game plan. It's simple really. Ignore Faith. Flirt with any cute male.

Good plan.

I head straight for our usual table when I enter the Bronze. I'm strutting. Really casual, but I'm nervously aware of everything around me. I hide my smile when I notice a lot of guys gawking at me. Yeah, I'm hot.

So hot my palms are sweating.

I arrive at the corner booth and smile at the gang.

"Hey guys." Xander can't keep his mouth closed and Cordy swats his arm.

"Ow! Hey Buff. Lookin' good." He looks innocently at Cordelia as if to ask what he's done wrong.

"Thanks Xander." I sit down. And then it hits me. Where the hell is Faith?

Then I realize Will is looking at me expectantly. She just asked me something and wants an answer.

"What? Sorry, I kinda spaced out there." She smiles.

"I said; What's the occasion?" She looks me up and down, pointing out my unBuffylike outfit.

"Oh I dunno. Thought I'd try and find the fun, like Faith said. Where is she anyway?" Very smooth, Buffy. All subtle-like.

Willow looks surprised.

"What do you mean where's Faith?" What? What does she mean what do I mean where's Faith? I look at each of the gang and then I realize. They didn't invite her. My body kinda slumps.

"You didn't invite her." I state.

Willow looks at me a little sheepishly.

"Well, you know Faith. She's always got some rave or party to go to or whatever. So I didn't really think it was a good idea to invite her since she's always busy. And you know how she says the Bronze is pretty lame compared to all the other places she goes to and besides, I don't really know her number and..." Will keeps talking but I'm not listening anymore.

I noticed something changed. Something changed in the Bronze. Like for a second, everybody stopped moving or talking. I saw heads turning towards something on the dance floor and I gasp.

She's here.

"Buffy?" Oz looks at me and motions towards Willow who's looking really guilty.

"Don't worry about it Will, it was just a question." I smile at her to prove my point. I'm about to make a smooth escape towards the floor when Cordelia interrupts.

"Oh, check it out. Faith's here anyway." The gang looks where she's pointing at and the gawking commences.

She... Faith. She just... _Look_ at her.

She's dancing like there's no tomorrow and her body moves in perfect rhythm with the beat. I can sense her heat and energy from here.

Cordy coughs and everyone's pulled out of their thoughts.

"Looks like she's having fun. Wanna find the fun? It's right there." She points at Faith and then turns to Xander. "I'll be right back."

Oh _no_.

What is she going to do?

No.

She's not going... She _is_.

She's heading straight towards Faith.

She just _ploughs_ her way through the crowd.

That bitch.

Faith hasn't noticed her yet. She's dancing with some guy who looks like he just won the lottery or something.

Loser.

Cordelia taps him on the shoulder and shoves him aside. Faith's dancing with her eyes closed and I think she's lost herself in the music because she just keeps on going. Her body moves wildly and yet gracefully. Her tight black leathers fit her perfectly. So does her red top. Cordelia follows her lead.

I can't believe she beat me to it.

Faith's oblivious to everything and everyone around her but Cordelia must've touched her at some point because she opens her eyes. She stops for a second but then starts up again, without missing a beat. She quirks an eyebrow at Cordy and then smirks.

I feel something boiling deep inside me. I turn to look at Xander and see that he's also bothered by the scene played out, but not in the same way as me. Will and Oz are making out on the couch.

I can feel the anger in my stomach. I'm not _hurt_ though. That's crazy. I don't care about Faith _or_ Cordy.

I get up and head over to the bar. I completely ignore them both. My heart's beating so fast. I make the mistake of sneaking a peek at Faith anyway. Big mistake.

Cordelia's turned her back to her and Faith's holding her hands in the air from behind. It looks like they're having fun. I tense up as I feel the anger and jealousy desperately trying to find a way out my body.

Hey, since when was there jealousy?

Faith's leading Cordelia. Sharing her energy, showing her how to lose herself completely in the music. She looks up at me and winks. I can't get myself to smile. It's too much. I simply turn my back at them and order a drink.

The song ends and I can feel Faith getting nearer. She puts her arm on my shoulder and I shiver from the contact. I can't believe she has this much effect on me. I just get angrier at the thought.

"Hey, B." Cordelia stands next to her and asks what Faith wants to drink.

"Um, I think you better let me handle this one, Cordy." She winks at her and turns to the bartender.

"Two doubles of JD, Lenny." She flashes him a smile. He grins at her and nods.

"Coming up, Faith." Faith turns to Cordy and smirks. Cordelia just shakes her head, smiling.

"So B, how's it going?" I lean against the bar and take a sip from my coke. I look around the floor and shrug, not looking her in the eye.

"Ah, I see, scoping for some hot guys, huh?" She nudges me playfully and pays the bartender for her drinks. Faith hands one to Cordelia. She takes a sip suspiciously then starts coughing uncontrollably.

"Oh shit, easy there, Cordy. You ok? Sorry 'bout that. I should've known." Faith looks at her worriedly. I snort. Cordelia looks up and I swear if she could, she probably would've killed me right then and there. Faith quickly drains her drinks. ...whatever JD is.

"B, wanna dance?" She raises her eyebrows suggestively. "Looks like you need to loosen up there, girlfriend."

I roll my eyes.

"No thanks, Faith. Maybe you should have another go with Cordy there." I can't help it. Some of the bitterness gets in my voice and Faith picked it up.

"Sorry, B. Won't take no for an answer." She grabs my hand and leads me to the floor.

I barely have the time to put down my coke but follow her anyway. I catch Cordy standing by the bar looking mighty pissed off and grin. But then I realize I'm on the spot. Faith looks at me, she seems amused.

"What?" I shout over the music.

"Chill." She says. That just pisses me off. I'm chilled. I'm cool. I'm..nervous as hell.

She looks me up and down. "I'll be right back, wait here."

She grins and disappears in the crowd. I can't believe it. Did she just stand me up? Oh god, people are looking at me. I try to seem cool and careless but I don't think it's working. Where did she go? I let out a sigh of relief when I see her coming back with an even bigger grin. This can't be good.

"They're gonna play our song, B." What is she talking about? We have a song?

"What do you mean?" She takes a step closer and looks at me, her eyes just screaming mischief.

"You'll see." She winks. And then the music starts.

A voice blasts from the boxes. "Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love of the dead? Living dead girl."

My eyes open wide. Oh god. That's funny actually.

I'm about to smile at her but she's already dancing. She has her back turned to me and her hands in the air. She's _screaming_ sex. She moves _so_ sensually.

I feel _so_ out of place.

She seems so free and careless. I could watch her forever. She twirls around and sees me standing there. Unmoving. She shakes her head in mock disapproval. My eyes are pleading with her to get me out of here. I feel like such a loser.

But then she smiles.

She doesn't grin, or smirk. She doesn't make fun of me. She just steps closer and takes hold of my hips. Her hands are scorching my skin.

And everything just fades away.

It's only me and her. Then she starts moving, leading me with her. I gulp and make a decision.

Right there.

I'm not giving in. I'll do as she tells me to. I couldn't go away if I wanted now. Every part of my body is screaming at me to stay near this girl. I lift my hands and listen to the music. I move in time with the beat. Before I know it, I'm moving with Faith. She smiles and comes even closer to me. I grab her hands and move them above our heads.

Her mouth is next to my ear and my breath quickens. I can hear her singing along with the song. My whole body reacts to her low, husky voice. She's making me so hot.

"Crawl on me, sink into me, die for me. Living dead girl." She pulls back a little and grins.

I grin right back and turn around so my back is against her. She moves her hands down to my hips and we move as one. All I can feel is her. And I lose myself. Completely. In the music and in Faith. I feel her breath against my neck. She whispers against my ear. So softly.

"What are you thinking about?"

I shiver slightly. I want her so bad.

She lets go of me and moves on her own. I miss her touch already. There are so many thoughts and feelings spinning around in my head, I feel dizzy.

I stumble from the dance floor and collapse next to Xander. He's staring at me. Actually, they all are.

"What?" I ask.

They all seem speechless.

"You and Faith. Dancing. Good show." Oz replies.

Oh. I smile at him.

"I think Xander enjoyed it plenty." I nudge Xander but he's in his own little world by now. The perv.

Oz laughs and Will just blushes. I notice Cordy can't keep her eyes from Faith. What's going on here?

And what the hell happened to my plan?

**Faith's POV:**

I head back towards the bar after the song. I'm all jazzed up. Goddamn, I feel good. I smirk. I guess B and Cordy don't feel all that bad either. Speaking of B, she looks wicked hot tonight. Not that Queen C doesn't but B has leathers on! There's so much energy in me right now I think I'm about ready to pop. I can feel all their eyes on me.

And it feels wicked good.

I hardly even glance at the Scoobies. I'm going solo tonight and not minding it one bit. OK, fine, so I kinda wanna go over there but in my twisted mind, that's a sign of weakness.

So I stay put.

I down my drink and order another one while lighting a cigarette. My hips move slightly with the music.

Then this guy comes over. He stands next to me and smiles.

"Hi." He looks me up and down and grins. Punk. I decide to play with him a little.

"What?" I pretend I can't hear him and yell over the music.

"I said Hi!" He moves closer to me.

"What?!" I fight down my own grin when I see him blush. Insecurity creepin' up on ya, little boy?

"I..." he starts but I look him up and down and cock an eyebrow. "...nothing."

He smiles uncomfortably and moves away. I chuckle and take another draw from my cigarette before flicking it away and crushing it with my boot. I realize this is all the fun I'm gonna get here tonight and decide to do a quick sweep of the nearest cemetery to work the edge off my hyper activity. I nod a goodbye to Lenny, grab my jacket

...and I'm out.

**Buffy's POV:**

She's completely ignoring our existence. She's just leaning against the bar, watching people dancing and completely ignoring us. I can't help feeling a little hurt. After that dance I thought... I don't know what I thought. But not this. Why isn't she coming over? I sigh.

"Well this is exciting. Really." Cordy says, sarcasm dripping off her.

"Hey, I dunno, I'm having fun." Xander responds. Cordy just gives him a look and he coughs.

"I wonder why." He looks down and blushes.

"What are you complaining about anyway, Cordy? This is what we always do." She sighs.

"Exactly. This is what we always do, you guys. And finally we meet someone who can really liven up the place and what do you do? You don't even invite her. Can I say stupid?" She grabs her coat and leaves. I watch her and notice she's following Faith! God damn it!

Willow sees the look on my face and looks like she's going to start crying any second now.

"No, Will, it's not your fault." I say. To tell you the truth, though, I'm kinda tired of all the reassuring I have to do lately.

She smiles weakly.

I want to go after Faith. I want to be around her. I want to watch her. I want to feel her presence.

But yet again, Cordelia has spoiled my plans. And even though I love the Scoobs to death, I'd much rather be with Faith right now than be stuck here. We're not exactly the life of the party. Faith had that covered.

All by herself.

I feel like such a loser.

**Faith's POV:**

I love the night. I love breathing in the cool and fresh air. I love being engulfed by the darkness. And I love just looking at the sky. Night time is my time. So I was feeling a hell of a lot better when I exited the Bronze and was greeted by my all-time favorite pal. I lit up another cigarette and started walking. I was planning on doing a quick patrol but the moment I stepped in the night, I felt relaxed. At ease. So I decided to just walk around, if I met a vamp; tough.

"Faith!" I stop in my tracks and smirk. Could that be Queen C calling after _moi_? Hell yeah.

"What's up, C?" I only turn halfway.

Nonchalance is the keyword here, people. Always gotta keep 'em guessing.

She reaches me and _damn_ that girl's looking fine. She's all out of breathe and her eyes are filled with complete and unbridled desire. Don't hate me cuz I'm hot. Hate me for what I'm about to do.

See the girl's confused. Xander ain't paying her enough attention and for some reason she chose me to confide in. So she was feeling vulnerable and somehow I made her feel better 'bout herself. Now she thinks she has these 'feelings' for me. It's completely normal and I get it. And to be honest, I'm flattered.

But she doesn't really want this. I can't say I don't want it either cuz Cordy's a catch.

But it's just not gonna happen.

"Where are you going?"

"Shouldn't you be with the scoobs?"

She must've caught the edge in my voice when I said that.

"I don't want to be." You want to be with me, I think. No thanks.

"Could ya hurry up and tell me what that's got to do with me? Cuz I got some stuff to do." I look down the street like I'm in a hurry and really not interested in what she has to say.

I don't want to do this, but I have to. Sorry Cordy.

I don't look at her because I know what I'd see. First there'd be surprise. Then hurt. And finally anger.

God, I feel like shit. I know I shouldn't. I'm doing the right thing here. But it still stings. It's quiet for a few seconds. And then it's over. With that one sentence I ruined any chance with her.

And in about five seconds, she'll turn around and walk away.

Five.

She looks at me, willing me to say something to take away her anger.

Four.

I'm silent. I'm so sorry Cordy.

"Nothing. Nevermind, Faith. Bye." She still looks at me one last time, hoping I'll stop her from walking away.

Three.

"See ya, Cordy." I catch a glimpse of hurt in her eyes before it's quickly hidden.

Two.

She steels herself and walks away.

One.

Told ya so. I'm an expert here. And I realize how sad that sounds. But yeah, go ahead, you can hate me now.

That'd make two of us.

**Buffy's POV:**

I told the gang that I still have to patrol and left the Bronze.

If I had to sit through one more minute of Oz and Will making out and Xander doing Gilligan impressions I would've staked myself.

Maybe I should go look for Faith. I turn the corner and gasp. I really don't want to see this. It's Faith and Cordy. I'm about to turn around when Cordy walks away looking like she just had her heart broken. When she sees me though, she hides it.

Wouldn't want anyone to know that she has 'feelings'.

Part of me feels sorry for her, but another part is doing a happy dance. Did Faith turn her down? Wow. Not a lot of people would do that.

I look back to Faith but she's already walking away. Like she doesn't have a care in the world.

Now this kinda pisses me off. Sure, I'm not Cordy's number one fan, but she's still part of the gang. How can Faith not care??

I jog to catch up with her.

"Faith!" She turns around, sees me, sighs, and just keeps on walking.

Oh no, you're not going anywhere. I grab her shoulder and she stops.

"What, B?" The fact that she sounds irritated pisses me off even more.

"What did Cordelia say to you?" Uh-oh. That wasn't part of the plan.

"I mean... What did you say to Cordelia?" Shit. Way to go, Buffy.

She's confused now. Whul..._good_!

"None of your business, blondie." She starts walking off again.

"Did she want to go to bed with you, huh? Did she?"

What the hell am I saying?

Stop me.

Holy crap!

"Or did you want to go to bed with her and when she said no you bitched it up? Is that it?"

I'm yelling now.

Why am I yelling?

I can't help it though. Just the thought of Faith and Cordelia together makes my blood boil and I lose all control.

She turns around and if I just stopped to think for a second I would've seen that something was wrong. But of course, I didn't. I kept right on going.

"Yeah. That's exactly what happened, B. She turned me down and I got pissed off. Now get off my back, will ya?"

Huh? Does she mean that? God, I hate her.

"Fuck you, Faith." I stomp away and I don't think I've ever been this angry. And I barely know what I'm angry for. All I know is that it's her fault.

"Just gimme the time and place, honey!" she yells after me.

I take a few more steps and then turn around, ready to rain down all my anger on her but she's already gone. Disappeared.

Damn it. Now I just feel terrible. What was I _thinking_? Stupid stupid stupid. That's it, I'm gonna go over to her place right now and apologies. I just don't get her though.

I never really know what's going on in her mind. Sure, I try and find a clue in her eyes but I usually just end up gawking and making an idiot out of myself.

Hers have got to be the deepest and most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. And I'll tell ya, I've seen a lot of eyes in my day.

Seriously though, all I can make out is that she's been hurt. Hurt very bad. When she thinks I'm not looking I can see it. When she's deep in thought, I can see the changes in her. After that she either gets pissy or hyper.

I guess that's why she always needs something to do. To keep her mind off whatever it is that hurt her. I wish she'd trust me some time. I wish I could just _hold_ her and make it better. That she'd come to me when she feels bad instead of pushing me away.

She's really good at that, you know. Pushing people away. I don't even notice she's pushed me away until it's done. She gets under my skin and I pretend to be pissed off or something and then it hits me.

It's what she wanted to do. She's got it all worked out. Her defense-mechanisms are well honed and automatic. I don't even want to think about what she went through to make her have to put them up.

I walk up to the motel and I'm about to head towards the stairs to her room when I see them. It was like a fucking blow to my gut. I had to steady myself against the wall. I couldn't even breathe.

Oh my god.

It's Faith.

Faith and some guy.

She's hugging him tightly and her head is buried in his shoulder. I can hear her sobbing. She's telling him she missed him. Where did my lungs go? In fact, where did my whole body go? I can't feel anything. Only an aching emptiness.

The guy is stroking her hair and whispering soothing words in her ear. This hurts so much. I know for a fact that I've never felt this bad in my life.

Who the fuck is he?

And why the fuck is Faith opening up to _him_?

Why is _he_ the one holding her? It should be me.

It should be me.

**Faith's POV:**

It's all out the window.

My whole attitude, the mask I put on towards the world. It's gone. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hear a little voice going 'hey, hold on a second you can't do this to me!!!-' but it fades away.

Mike's here.

And all I can feel are his arms around me. I'll tell you what though, he musta been scared shitless when he saw me flying up the steps. Slayer speed and all that.

I totally just jumped on him, man. And that's when the Slayer strength kicked in. Yup. I jumped on him, he fell to the floor and I was just hugging him like there's no friggen tomorrow. I couldn't give a shit about my reputation.

Although I did get off of him after a while, didn't want him to die after all.

When we both got to our feet, I finally got a good look at him and the moment I saw his eyes I knew I was fucked. They see in you, yunno. And I knew right then that I couldn't hide anything from him. And for some reason, I broke down crying. I didn't even realize I was hurtin' until it all came out. It was wicked freaky. The rest of the night's a blur.

We talked for hours, I cried several times. He held me.

Oh and fuck you. I'm only human.

You have no idea what shit I've been through. And you have no idea what shit I still have to get through every single fucking day.

Mike's my friend, my soul(Hey ladies and gentlemen, James Brown!!). My home. And I'm not letting go.

**Buffy's POV:**

I feel sick.

I'm lying in bed and I have absolutely no plans of getting up. I'm dying, I'm sure I am. I cried myself to sleep last night and everything's killing me.

My eyes are killing me, my head is killing me, my throat is killing me, my whole damn body is murdering me right this moment. And if I'd get up and look in the mirror I'd probably kill myself.

How'd everything get so messed up?

"Buffyyyyyyyyy!"

Oh god, no, don't do this to me. Dawn bursts in my room and I hide my head under my pillow.

"Buffy, mom says you gotta get up! So...get up!"

I moan and she sighs.

"Jeez, Buffy, you really are a lightweight."

Huh? I sit up and look at her.

"What?"

She just giggles in this infuriating manner and goes

"Faith told me to call you a lightweight if you didn't wanna get up."

"What's Faith got to do with anything?" I snap.

She rolls her eyes at me.

"Duh, Buffy. Saturday morning, you always train with her on Saturday mornings." She looks at me like I'm an alien or something and walks away.

I hear her bounding down the stairs.

"She'll be right down, Faith. What's a lightweight anyway?"

I hear Faith's throaty chuckle and my mom asking her if she'd like something for breakfast.

"Nah, it's cool Mrs. S, but thanks anyway. I'll explain it to ya some day, shorty."

I smile. For like two seconds. Too bad I have a memory.

Faith dancing. Faith dancing with Cordy. Faith dancing with me. Faith touching me. Faith ignoring me. Faith going outside with Cordy. Cordy almost crying. Faith being a bitch. Me being a bitch. Faith with some guy.

Shit.

**Faith's POV:**

Jeez, B's taking her sweet time. She's probably still pissed 'bout yesterday. What was that about anyway? Whatever. Guess I'll just have to put on the good old Faith charm. Finally, I hear her coming down the stairs.

"Hey, honey, you really shouldn't keep Faith waiting." Mrs S tells her.

Uh-oh. I can see the small changes in B's face that basically tells me to run for cover.

"But then I wouldn't be able to hang with this little brat." I say.

I ruffle through the kid's hair. She sticks out her tongue at me and I grin right back.

"Ya know, cuz the big brat would be taking up all my time." I wink at Dawn.

Mrs S smiles and shakes her head while Dawn starts giggling madly.

I sneak a peak at B. Bingo.

Slight annoyance with me is better than outrage at the whole of Sunnydale. Yeah, I always was the self sacrificial type o' girl.

"C'mon B, hurry up, and eat somethin'. I'm dying for some action."

I wink at her to fill my daily innuendo requirements but instead of her usual eye-rolling she goes back into thundercloud mode.

What the hell?

It's like she remembered something. Like 'oh waitaminute, I'm sposed to be mad at Faith, lemme just fix up this little malfunction on my face. There we go. No more smile.'.

Damnit. What'd I do anyway?

The usual morning Summers banter is going on while I'm mulling over what I possibly could've done wrong last night.

Ohh... Probably mad cuz of what I did to Cordy. Or what she thinks I did to Cordy. I look up at her. She's eating some cereal and she doesn't seem herself. She must be really pissed.

She isn't usually this moody. I miss her smile. Normally she'd be hopping around, munching away at her breakfast all while chattering on and on about anything that pops in her cute little head. Weird.

Ok, now I'm scared. It usually takes like an hour before we actually head out to the library to train. You know, what with the babbling, foolin' around and getting ready. I never did get that last part. It's only training and the way she hovers around her closet and bathroom, you'd think it was prom night or something. Not today though. After eating, she went upstairs (note that this time she didn't drag me along) and she was ready in like ten minutes. Either I'm rubbing off on her or I really hit a nerve last night.

Not liking any of those possibilities.

We got to the library in almost complete silence. I was gonna tell her about Mike but figured now wasn't the right time. Mike's sleeping it off at the motel by the way. Dude had a rough trip getting here. He actually looked me up.

Who'd have thought?

Somebody actually thought I was worthy of looking up. Not an easy trick either. I'm good at hiding when I don't wanna be found. Which was the case. I figured the only people lookin' for me were all a buncha fuckers I owe money or... you know.. blood. Whichever. Never thought Mike'd come looking.

But ya know, B's really getting me on edge. Lemme just say I am not a fan of this personality change.

Maybe I should just kick her around a bit at training. Speaking of which...

Giles is going on and on about 'proper assessment of the situation prior aggressive action'.

"Just let us at it, G-man." I interrupt.

"Faith, it's absolutely vital for both of you to take caution before engaging in battle."

Typical Giles.

"I hear ya, but right now I'm just itching for a little rough 'n tumble, so save the preaching for afterwards, 'kay?" I look at B for support but she's spaced out.

Apparently, G noticed it too cuz he's looking at me, a question mark painted all over his face.

I shrug at him and he puts on his 'concerned dad'-face.

"Er... Yes, well, I suppose you could commence with training first. Perhaps a little warming up would be in order. Buffy?"

Wow. She must be really pissed off at that tree outside cuz by the looks of it, she's ready to cut it down.

"Yo, B, spazzy much?" I'm walking on thin ice here but hey, I never claimed to be caution-girl.

Her head snaps up and she blinks a couple of times.

"Buffy, are you alright?" Always the concerned father figure, Giles puts a hand on her shoulder.

"What? Yeah, Giles, I'm fine. Do we start now?" Right, B, no problem whatsoever, right?

I hop off the table. Giles looks doubtful but nods anyway.

"Finally. Let's do this, B." I grin and ignore her non-playful angry look.

Maybe I shouldn't have.

**Buffy's POV:**

Who does she think she is? Coming to my house being all cool and charming and playful. Seriously, what's up with that? After last night, how can she act like this? Like nothing happened. When she was all goofing around at the house this morning I wished she'd just shut up. And walking to the library, I wished she wasn't all silent. Creeped me out. But I forced myself to stay angry. It's all her fault anyway.

I stand up and stretch a little. Faith is so gonna get her ass kicked. An evil little smile tugs at my lips and I take a quick glance at Faith.

Oh dear lord. I gasp.

Okay then. Note to self, do not look at Faith unless prepared for pleasant full body shivers. Especially when she's stretching. That's it. No more of this 'she's so pretty' crap. Time to show her who's boss. That'd be me, by the way.

I jump a little on my toes and give her the heads up.

"Ready?" Right when she looks up to answer me, I kick her feet out from underneath her.

She quickly hops back up and looks at me weirdly.

"That's cheating, B. Can't win the fair way?" She grins at me and I hate her. I hate her so bad.

I run towards her and just before we collide I spin around to end up facing her back. I'm about to grab her in a choke hold but she musta anticipated this because she ducks and grabs my legs. I fall face first on the ground. That stings. Chin and ego.

"B! Chill." That's what she said to me at the Bronze.

I get up and throw a frenzy of punches at her. She's able to block or dodge most of them but the ones that connect, connect hard. When I almost have her pinned against the wall, I realize she's not hitting back. She's just been taking the blows.

"Fight back!" I scream at her.

"No." She replies calmly while blocking a punch that nearly connects with her jaw.

"Fight back!!" I can feel tears stinging in my eyes. What's wrong with me?

"No, B."

My arms grow heavy and I slow down almost to a halt. She catches my fists and looks me in the eyes. God, she's so worried. The tears fall when I see the look of pure concern in her bruised but beautiful face.

She holds me. She wraps her arms around me and just holds me. She feels soft but she's holding me up. If it wasn't for her, I'd be on the floor by now. My face is buried in her shoulder and I'm shaking. A sob escapes me once in a while but mostly my tears are silent.

**Faith's POV:**

Never a dull day in Sunnydale. No apocalypse? Ah, never fear, personal dramas shall be unraveled for your discomfort! Hu-fucking-ra.

Not that I mind that B's falling apart. Wait... that's not true. But I mean... I don't mind holding her and stuff, but I don't want her to cry. It was one thing for her to flip on me but crying is a whole different thing altogether.

Before I knew it, I was holding her. I thought of saying something soothing, but I had no clue. So I just held her.

She pulled away when Giles came back.

"Dear God, what's wrong? Buffy, are you hurt?" B pulled away and violently shook her head.

"No... I... no. It's nothing... I have to go."

And that was it. She ran out leaving me and Giles looking blankly at each other. I really wanted to run after her but figured it's not my place. I called Willow instead. Gave her the heads up.

I bailed on Giles and headed back to my place. Mike's on the bed when I come in and he smiles at me. Even though I'm really worried 'bout B, I can't help smiling back.

"Miss me already?" He gets up and stretches. He's still gotta be a little tired.

"Actually, I was just checkin' that you didn't finish all my food." I fall on the bed and notice the dude's been cleaning.

"What food? You mean that green stuff in the mini-fridge? I don't think so."

"I had green stuff in my fridge??" Cool. I thought it was empty.

He leans against the wall while I jump towards the fridge, I'm wicked hungry. Oh wow.

I turn around and I can't hold back my grin.

"You're such a dork, you know that? First you clean up my place and then you re-stock the fridge?" The fridge is jam packed with all my favs. Have I mentioned I love the guy? Of course not. I don't say stuff like that.

"Actually the re-stocking came first. Then the cleaning." He lights up a cig as I open a can of rootbeer.

"So what's the plan for today? I know we kill a buncha demon scum tonight but we've got approximately ten hours till then. Any good bars around here?" Oh yeah, he knows 'bout me being a slayer.

I shake my head.

"How 'bout just givin' me a grand tour?"

"That, my challenged friend, I can do." He pushes off the wall and grins.

"And we all know you can't do all that much."

**Buffy's POV:**

I made an idiot of myself. Now she thinks I'm a complete moron. An unstable drama queen. I suck.

When I ran from the library I didn't know what to do, or where to go. I ended up at Will's house. She opened the door and she didn't seem surprised at all to see my tear-stricken face. Apparently, Faith called her. Faith. It's always Faith.

Willow was really trying to comfort me, but she couldn't. In all fairness, though, I didn't tell her what was wrong.

"I know you miss Angel." What? Oh. Angel.

"I... what? Angel?"

"Yeah, Buff. Angel; the love of your life. You can't really deny it much longer, it's kinda obvious that it's killing you."

She places her hand on my shoulder and looks at me sympathetically.

"I..." ...completely forgot about Angel. Oh my god. How could I have completely forgotten about Angel?

"I don't know anything anymore..." I'm so confused I burst out crying again.

"Aww, Buffy... I'm so sorry..." Willow hugs me and gently strokes my hair.

We decided to stay in the rest of the day and just watch a lot of movies and eat ice-cream. I love it when we do that. I couldn't really concentrate on the movie though.

Angel. If you said his name a month ago I'd be feeling a million emotions. But now it's just... What about him? And that pisses me off. I loved him, didn't I? It all felt so... real. It was love, right? I don't know anymore.

Maybe it wasn't.

When I was a kid, I loved the Beauty and the Beast. Around puberty I gushed over Romeo&Juliet. Maybe... Maybe I just wanted love so badly. An exciting, forbidden love. Angel represented that. He was a vampire... He was dark and handsome. He made me feel special. Like I was the only one on the planet. But... is that love? I don't think so anymore. Did I get butterflies when I saw him? Sure. But did his smile make the world more beautiful in my eyes? Scratch that, did the simple fact of him being in the proximity make the world more beautiful in my eyes? Whether he smiled or not. Whether his hair was perfect or disheveled. Whether his face was dirty or smudged. Whether he looked at me or not. Well he always looked at me but...

Did he make me happy?

No. The thought of us made me happy. But that was it. A thought. A dream. It wasn't real. I made it out to be so much better than it was. I pretended that his eyes could see in me, when he never really had a clue what I was thinking or feeling. And when he did, he never really knew how to handle that. I'd pretend everything was perfect when he held me. But it wasn't. I noticed his cold arms enveloping me. I pretended the shiver came from how good it felt. But that wasn't true. It didn't feel quite right.

I may have loved him. But it wasn't the real thing. Not what it should be. Not... everything I know it could be.

I suck at this whole introspection thing.

It's almost dark by the end of the third movie and I need to go to Angel's. I need to say goodbye. He may be ... you know.. dead and everything but I haven't really said goodbye yet.

**Faith's POV:**

You enjoying the story so far? It all goes to shit from here. See, now I've made peace with the following events. But at the time I was messed up beyond belief.

Maybe I should tell you what happened, huh? Okay, just gimme a minute. I may have come to terms with all the shit that happened but that doesn't mean it's easy. So just hold up while I try not to break something.

Not that there's a lot to break in my room anymore. There's barely anything here to be broken.

The night I gave Mikey the grand tour of Sunnyhell, I didn't come home. I didn't come back to the motel for...

See I don't even remember how many days I was out on the streets. But when I eventually did come back, I caused some major damage in this place. It was a shithole before, but now it's even worse.

The bed doesn't even look like a bed anymore if it wasn't for the mattress. There's holes in the wall everywhere from where I kicked and punched it. I currently do not have a sink and if I wanna take a shower I get flooded. Not cuz the shower sucked like before, but cuz the bath tub is missing.

Well it's still there. And hey, if you like puzzles, maybe you could fix it up for me again. Yup. Shattered.

I still haven't told you what went down, huh? Fine.

Mike's dead. My friend, my heart, my fucking home... is dead.

Did ya see that one coming?

Hey, don't worry 'bout me though. I'm five by five. Like I said, I've made peace with it. I forgave him. Angel. He did it. He killed Mike. He just... Fuck this is definitely not easy.

He came back from hell and killed my... he killed Mike. You think I'm being overdramatic? You think it's ridiculous for me to be calling Mike my heart, my home?

Fuck.

You.

I have nothing now.

But it's no one's fault really. Except for mine.

Me and Mike were walking down the street, heading towards the nearest cemetery and he was quizzing me on Sunnyhell life. After giving short bio's on everyone I was offhandedly explaining to him how easy it is to get B riled up if you push the right buttons. Which is true. And I am definitely the button queen. I was ranting something about my humble servants drooling at my button pushing capabilities.

"So you should tell her, you know." He takes another drag from his cigarette and I note that he's looking kinda sad. What's the deal?

"No need, everyone recognizes my royalty. Even B the thick-witted." I smirk at my own lame joke.

Mike, however, just smiles wryly and shakes his head. Something's wrong with the dude cuz my Button Queen monologue was highly amusing.

"Sorry to break it to ya, babe, but you're the one with the thick wits." He's looking at the ground.

"Why, Michael, lest thou seeketh a fierce ass-whoopin', enlighten me. Pray tell." I deadpan.

He chuckles at that but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. He stops walking and sits down on a low wall. He's got me worried.

"What's up, Mike?" I sit next to him and gently nudge his shoulder.

He sighs. Why the hell is he so sad?

"Faith, you like this Buffy chick." Um. Okay.

After a few seconds of silence I realize I'm supposed to say something.

"Uh... Yeah, she's cool." What's he getting at?

"Hey, dumbass, you're in love with her!" He stands up angrily but then sighs and sits back down looking resigned.

After my initial worry about his actions, the words seep in and I am now utterly confused.

"And why d'you say that?" I decide to play it cool.

"She inevitably comes up every two or three sentences and... I hate to say this, buddy, but you get a love-sick look every time you talk about her." He takes out his cigs, lights one and hands it to me. I accept and take a deep drag, mulling over what he just said. He lights up another and stares off into space.

If it was anyone else saying this to me, I woulda either laughed at them or kicked 'em in the face. But this was Mike. The guy knows me. More than I know myself. And the more I think about it... The more it seems like he has a point.

"Willow; nice girl. Buffy's best friend. Great friendship. Xander; funny dude. Used to have a major crush on Buffy. Dawn; Buffy's sister. Cordelia; cheerleader. Buffy used to be a cheerleader. You always end up with her, Faith." He mumbled everything but the last part.

This is too much to deal with right here. I love Mike. I... want to kiss Mike. Don't I? I look at him and I realize I don't. I do love the guy. But he's my best friend. What we had before had grown into a comforting familiarity and I didn't feel the need to expand on what we had now. A small smile forms on my lips until I realize he's still sad. He glances up and in those two seconds our eyes met, I saw it. He still loved me like he loved me back in Boston. He was still in love with me. He sighed and looked back up at me.

"Busted." He whispers with a wry smile.

I return his with a pained smile of my own. The situation's pretty shitty. But we both knew we'd work through it. We always did, no matter what, we'd end up together. Whether as friends or more. But right now, I couldn't offer him more.

I kiss his forehead and hug him.

"I love you, Mike."

He wraps his arms around me tenderly and sighs again softly.

"I love you too, Faith."

We separate after a while and do our usual 'nothing happened, we're still cool'-routine.

We both cough, looking around nervously, pretending to be embarrassed. He smoothens his clothes while I smoothen my hair.

"Yo, we're still cool, dawg." I cough.

"Damn straight, woman." He coughs.

Then we smile at each other and we know we'll be fine. Nothing can tear us apart.

We walked on in silence for a few minutes and it hit me. Buffy. Images of her kept flying around in my head. Little things I noticed her doing, which I found adorable. The small electrical jolts I got whenever we touched. The feeling of completeness whenever it was just her and me for patrol. Her large array of smiles which she had for different people and occasions. It was all too much for me at the moment. Damn, forget Queen of the Buttons, I'm the fucking Empress of Denial. All those thoughts and feelings were all shoved way back in my head.


	2. Dramatic name for second chapter

Author's note: I need feedback. Seriously. I had to feed on the the feedback I've had so far to write this one. And though I loved the feedback I've had so far, it ain't all that plenty, you gotta admit. SO GIMME MORE!!! I'm a needy needy writer. Humor me. Although I do want your honest opinion.

Oh and I have an extremely short attention span so even if this chapter sucks ass, I'm proud I got it done. Hurrah for me!

**Faith's POV:**

We hung out all day. And all things considered, we had a good time.

And maybe it was just me, but it didn't feel awkward. You know, not like it usually does when your best friend confesses a love for you other than platonic. I was really grateful for that.

Anyway, we ate and by the time we were done, Sunnyhell had gotten a whole lot darker and it was time for me to get to work.

I could feel my whole body starting to buzz. Mike, on the other hand, was exhausted but desperately trying to stifle his yawns. He failed miserably though.

I notice he's not walking beside me anymore and turn around.

"Um. The cemetery's that way, Faith. See that arrow over there with the word 'Restfield Cemetery' painted on it?" He speaks slowly, as if explaining something to a small child.

I am less than amused.

"Mikey, you can barely walk. You need some sleep, and that's why we're going straight. See that sign over there with-.. Okay so there isn't a motel sign here but the motel's over there and that's where we're headed." I nod my head to that direction.

He just stands there. Pouting. Most of the guys I know wouldn't be caught dead pouting but to Mike it is a well-honed weapon. One he doesn't use often but when he does, he hits the bulls-eye. Every fucking time.

Not this time though. We're talking life and death here.

"No, seriously Mike. I can't take you patrolling." I'm about to continue walking but he doesn't move an inch.

"Aww, c'mon Faith, I just wanna see one little vamp. I wanna see you beat it up." He has a subtle way of kissing my ass.

"Fine. Five minutes. If we don't meet a vamp or anything by then, we're heading back." I try to keep a straight face but his grin is so wide it might just split his face.

Four minutes later, the grin is nowhere to be seen.

"Dude. So this is why there's only supposed to be one Slayer. What's the point if there are no slayees?" Mike grumbles.

I shrug and check my watch.

"Time's up, we're outta here." I grab his arm and walk towards the gates.

"Wait, what's that?" He struggles to break free but he's got no chance in hell.

"What's what?" I let him go and peer at where his finger is pointing.

"Somethin was moving back there." He looks at me expectantly. "Slaying time?"

I shake my head.

"No. It's time for some investigating. Stay close and be quiet." I crouch and sneak towards the bushes Mike pointed out. He mirrors my actions and I nod approvingly.

Suddenly something jumps out of the bushes and runs. And shit, this thing can run. I can keep up, but barely.

The vamp apparently wants to go to the abandoned mansion but fuck me if I'll let it.

I crank the speed up a notch and I can feel my muscles protesting under the strain they're in. I push down the pain and I'm nearing the vamp.

With a huge amount of strength and effort I jump and land on the vamp's back.

It yelps.

No, really. A yelp. A girly yelp.

We fall on the grass. I'm on top of the vamp, which by now I have identified as a female. I grab its wrists and hold it behind its back.

"You're pretty fast, babe." I grin. But I'm faster.

"Fai geh off me!" Huh?

I jump up startled. B?

"B?" I ask.

She looks up at me from the ground, her hair all messed up and she seems a little embarrassed.

"Faith." She stands up and brushes herself off.

What the hell is she doing here? And what the hell was she doing sneaking around in bushes? And why the fuck was she running?

I cock my eyebrow at her, confused.

"Uh... Good going Faith." She smiles nervously.

"Huh?" Yeah, I guess I'm not that articulate when I'm confused.

"I was trying to sneak up on you to uh... test your reflexes."

Oh, well that's convincing.

She laughs a little.

"Hehe...Well done. You know, cuz you caught me and stuff. Heh."

... Right. Well... whatever you say, B.

"Sure, whatever you say, B." I say sceptically. I help her up.

"Damn.. Faith. I need to get me some of that Slayer speed." Mike has caught up and he's completely out of breath.

I slap him on the back while he coughs.

"Yeah, it's pretty fierce, huh?"

Buffy's looking everywhere but at me. She seems incredibly uncomfortable.

"Unless this is a vamp, which I doubt, what with the conversing with it and everything, are you gonna introduce us?" Mike seems to have more control over his lungs now.

"Oh. Right. Mike, this is Buffy. Buffy, Mike." I'm glad it's dark cuz I can feel a little blush forming on my cheeks.

Mike holds out his hand and B accepts, still smiling nervously.

"Oh, the other slayer. Nice to meet ya, Buffy." His smile is genuine and do I detect a hint of amusement there?

"Uh, yeah, nice to meet you too...uh...Mike."

Jeez, what's up with B?

Everything's quiet for an unbearable total of ten seconds.

"So..." Mike begins.

"So..." Buffy repeats.

"So." I state.

What? Some weird shit is going on here.

"So I'll let you two talk while I uh... Go stand over there." Mike says.

"No!" Buffy and me almost shout.

What the fuck?

"I mean... It's not safe. Right, Faith?" She looks at my arm. Um. Okay. Aren't people usually supposed to look at your face when they talk to you? I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere.

"Right. With the non-safety." I nod to myself. You know, since no one's even looking at me.

Mike and B are just kinda looking at each other weirdly. I don't like it. It's confusing and strange and fucking annoying.

"Uh... I hate to break it to you Slayer folk, but there's absolutely diddly squat of danger here right now. Unless I stumble over a gravestone, I'm basically safe." The guy's got a point. But I still feel like punching him.

I don't wanna be alone with B right now. It feels awkward and I don't know why and I'm getting real pissed off.

"How 'bout I go look around in that big-ass mansion? Vamps can't get in houses without getting invited, right?"

I nod hesitantly. I look at B for confirmation.

"Er... Yes, that would be uh... correct. It's abandoned but Will put a spell on it. Um. Yeah, but uh... It's very old. And um. Maybe... uh... Okay." She's a wreck.

Mike smiles.

"Okay then. I'll be over there." He walks away and god I want to punch him.

We watch him enter the mansion and the silence is overwhelming.

"Look, Faith, about this morning..."

Oh! This morning! Fuck that's a relief!

That's why she's being weird! Cuz she feels embarrassed about this morning. Shit, you cannot believe how relieved I am right now.

"... I don't know what came over me. I just... I feel so lost sometimes. But I'm glad you were there and... Thank you."

She's so sweet. But she looks so sad. I reach out and brush her cheek with my thumb.

"Hey, it's no problem, B. Any time." I feel my body heating up.

When I touched her face, she shivered. And it was perfectly clear in her eyes that the shiver was not unpleasant to her.

Suddenly, we find ourselves standing toe to toe. I don't know who moved. All I know is that she smells real good.

But then I look in her eyes and I panic.

I take a faltering step back. My legs screaming at me to run away.

"I..." can't speak.

She's hurt and I can't take the pain in her eyes. I need to get out of here.

"I have to go." I manage to choke out.

She looks at the ground and forces a smile.

"Okay." She whispers.

I quickly walk away. What's going on?

And then I feel it. Vampires. A lot of them. I see a shadow on the first floor of the mansion so I don't have to worry about Mike right now.

I turn around to face the woods. And they come pouring out. There's eight of them in total.

I grin.

"Well, boys, you've come just in time." I say it with a confidence I don't feel. I hope B didn't take off yet.

One of the vamps turns to dust and I see her standing triumphantly to my left.

"Slayers!" The leader growls and they all attack at the same time.

I jump out of the way of a vamp trying to tackle me and kick him hard in the ribs. I hear them crack but have no time to smile when another vamp jumps me from the back and I duck.

The two vampires jump up while another one kicks me. I fall on my back and roll out of the way as one of them tries to punch me. I kick his legs out from under him and stake him in one smooth move. Once I'm back on my feet again I glance at the mansion. What I see throws me completely and three vamps jump on me mercilessly.

No.

I roar and throw punches anywhere I can. Quickly I've staked another and pushed back the other two.

I'm about to run to Mike's rescue but the two vampires I pushed back grab me.

"Noo!" I scream. I claw at them and one falls on the ground, clutching his bleeding face.

"Mike!" I scream again, staking my two vampire swiftly.

B dusts her remaining vamp.

"Faith?"

**Buffy's POV:**

It's dark by the time the movie marathon's done and I feel a little better. I thank Willow for being Support Girl and walk purposefully towards the mansion.

I fiddle with the ring Angel gave me but my thoughts keep wandering to Faith. Would she give something like this to her girlfriend?

Looking up, I see that I'm standing in front of the mansion. This is what I have to do.

I enter the building and silently walk through the rooms and hallways. I'm going through all the memories I have of this place and Angel.

I sigh and place the ring on the floor of his living room.

"Goodbye, Angel." I whisper.

Exiting the mansion, I was surprised to find tears in my eyes.

Angel was a huge part of my life and although Faith closed it for me unconsciously, it saddens me to know that this time I'm choosing to close it for myself.

It isn't a cold night, but I wrap my arms around myself anyway. I need some major comforting right now. But I have no one to go to. How do I tell anyone what I'm feeling? What I feel for Faith?

I shake my head. I can feel a head-ache coming.

As I'm walking broodily through the cemetery, I hear voices. One male, one female.

I can't help the smile that forms naturally on my lips as I hear the deep husky voice of Faith.

For some reason, I'm crouching down and sneaking towards some bushes.

"Dude. So this is why there's only supposed to be one Slayer. What's the point if there are no slayees?" I hear the guy saying.

I push a branch out of the way and I see the guy who was holding her yesterday.

Faith looks at her watch.

"Time's up, we're outta here." She grabs his arm and turns to leave. I shift positions so I can follow them.

And no, I still don't know exactly why I'm following them.

"Wait, what's that?"

Uh oh.

Um. Okay.

Shit shit shit. What now?

"What's what?" Faith lets him go and I'm panicking.

Damn it.

"Somethin was moving back there. Slaying time?"

I should really be making a hasty exit now. Faith whispers something and I really have to get going.

I jump up and start running.

Please don't let her catch me, please don't let her catch me, please don't let her catch me.

It is my mantra, and I'm praying to anyone up there that she won't catch me.

So it comes as no surprise when she catches me.

"Oomph!" We both fall to the ground, her straddling my butt, holding my wrists from behind.

"You're pretty fast, babe." She says and I'm turning a deep shade of red. Oh my god. Ok, embarrassment later, breathing first.

"Fai geh off me!" I feel her body tense and she jumps off me.

"B?" I turn on my back and look at her.

She looks really confused.

Um. Okay, what now?

"Faith." Me smart.

She cocks an eyebrow at me and I need to say something. Apparently, saying her name isn't enough an explanation for her.

"Uh... Good going Faith." I try to smile.

"Huh?"

"I was trying to sneak up on you to uh... test your reflexes." I explain.

I doubt she buys it so I laugh a little.

"Hehe...Well done. You know, cuz you caught me and stuff. Heh."

You know what? I should stop talking. Just shut up. Not make any sounds with my mouth.

"Sure, whatever you say, B." She holds out her hand and helps me up.

"Damn.. Faith. I need to get me some of that Slayer speed." The guy from before is half running half stumbling.

Faith slaps him on the back and smiles as he tries to catch his breath.

"Yeah, it's pretty fierce, huh?"

I so don't want to see this.

"Unless this is a vamp, which I doubt, what with the conversing with it and everything, are you gonna introduce us?" The guy looks from me to Faith and I manage to give him a little smile.

"Oh. Right. Mike, this is Buffy. Buffy, Mike."

So his name's Mike. I don't like him.

He holds out his hand and I accept. We shake our hands slowly.

"Oh, the other slayer. Nice to meet ya, Buffy." He says.

The other slayer?

Woah. I've never been referred to as 'the other slayer'. I was always THE slayer. And... Faith was 'the other' Slayer.

I guess with him, it's the other way around. Faith's The Slayer. And I'm the other slayer.

It feels weird.

"Uh, yeah, nice to meet you too...uh...Mike." So has anyone seen my brain? Cuz I seem to have lost it.

There's an uncomfortable silence.

"So..." Mike begins.

"So..." I repeat. My brain. Someone? Anyone?

"So." Faith states slowly.

She looks really freaked.

"So I'll let you two talk while I uh... Go stand over there." Mike says.

"No!" Faith and I shout.

I know why I don't want to be alone with Faith, but what's her excuse?

"I mean... It's not safe. Right, Faith?" I can't look her in the eye so I look at her arm. I'm such an idiot.

I must've really freaked her out this morning.

"Right. With the non-safety." She agrees.

I look at Mike and he's looking right back at me. He seems to be contemplating something. But then he looks at Faith.

"Uh... I hate to break it to you Slayer folk, but there's absolutely diddly squat of danger here right now. Unless I stumble over a gravestone, I'm basically safe." He says.

It is a slow night. But.. I just don't want to have to do this right now.

"How 'bout I go look around in that big-ass mansion? Vamps can't get in houses without getting invited, right?"

Faith nods and looks at me.

"Er... Yes, that would be uh... correct. It's abandoned but Will put a spell on it. Um. Yeah, but uh... It's very old. And um. Maybe... uh... Okay." I really should go to my English class more often. Maybe it'll help.

Mike smiles.

"Okay then. I'll be over there." He walks away and god Faith looks like she wants to do some major damage on him.

She hates me.

It's quiet again and I decide to start.

"Look, Faith, about this morning...I don't know what came over me. I just... I feel so lost sometimes. But I'm glad you were there and... Thank you."

There's a look of surprise in her eyes. She smiles at me sweetly and brushes my cheek with her thumb.

Cue the shivers.

"Hey, it's no problem, B. Any time." She says.

God I love her.

I love her. Oh my god.

I subconsciously take a step forward and I'm surprised to see she does the same.

She's so close to me, I can feel her warmth and if I listen carefully, I bet I can hear her heartbeat. Would it be beating as fast as mine?

But then she steps back and she looks like a trapped animal.

What happened?

"I..." She starts.

I can't help feeling rejected. The warmth that I was bathing in is taken from me as she backs up a bit more.

"I have to go."

She doesn't want to be with me.

I look at the grass because I know I'll start crying if I look her in the eye.

And then she'll feel bad and I don't want her to feel bad. So I smile.

"Okay." I wanted it to sound reassuring but it came out a broken whisper.

I can't help but watch as she walks away. I don't understand.

Aything.

I don't understand the way I feel.

I don't understand what's going on between her and Mike.

I don't understand what's going on between us.

I don't understand her.

I just don't understand.

Vampires. Eight of them. In the woods. Thank god for slayer senses.

Faith.

I run in the direction Faith left and find her standing defiantly in front of the vampires. I sneak up behind a vamp in the back and stab him.

The leader looks at us perplexed for a few seconds but then decides to do a little suicide mission anyway.

"Slayers!" He growls and the vamps attack us.

The vamps split up in two groups and I have four of them trying to encircle me. I'm rather impatient though and deliver a roundhouse kick that knocks two vamps off their feet. As they get up, I stake one and I'm about to stake the other when one of the other vamps jumps me.

We roll around the ground for a while until I'm wrestling with a cloud of dust.

Suddenly I hear Faith roar. She's prone to expressing herself vocally but this wasn't a roar of triumph or annoyance.

This was a roar of pain and desperation.

As I'm trading blows with my two remaining vamps I see Faith fighting like a wild animal, desperate to get away.

What the fuck? She never backs down from a fight.

I'm reminded to concentrate when a fist connects with my face. I duck and sweep the bitch off her feet and dust her.

"Noo!" I hear Faith scream. I'm starting to get scared. What would make her act like this?

Mike.

"Mike!" My suspicion's confirmed.

After exchanging blows with my last opponent, I see a flash of black heading towards the mansion.

I stake my vamp.

"Faith?"

I look up at the mansion and gasp. There's moonlight pouring through all the windows except one. The light's blocked by two figures.

One is hanging out the broken window, blood pouring out of a gaping wound. The other is completely ravaging the limp body.

Oh my god.

I rush to the mansion. Faith's already inside and I hear a heart-breaking wail quickly followed by fierce growls.

Finally in the mansion, I climb up the stairs and collapse.

I can't believe what I see.

Angel.

Angel is crouched naked on the floor like a rabid dog. His face is covered with blood and his eyes are wild.

Faith is standing unmoving in the shadows.

What...How? This isn't happening. This can't be happening.

Faith takes an eerily calm step forward and into the light. She's gripping her stake tightly.

I have to stop this.

Angel growls at her threateningly and she attacks. He jumps towards her. They crash in each other mid jump.

"Faith, Angel, stop!" I yell.

Angel snaps his head towards me and in the moment of distraction, receives a bone-crushing fist to the side of his face. He utters an animalistic howl and crawls quickly in a corner, his own blood mixing with Mikes on his face.

Faith takes a step towards him but I grab her shoulder.

"Faith, stop! That's Angel." I look at her pleadingly. What I see in her eyes chills me to the bone.

They seem so empty.

She looks at Angel shivering in the corner, then at Mike's maimed and lifeless body. She looks at Angel again and then at me.

You know the zillion titanium walls I told you about? They're all raised now.

"I..." I start. But she's already out the door.

"I'm sorry." I say to myself.

I want to follow her, comfort her. But Angel's here. He's back and there's something terribly wrong with him.

I stand there for a while. What do I do?

Hesitantly I walk towards Angel but stop a few feet away. He's pulled his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth.

"Angel?" I ask.

He looks up at me and something changes in his eyes. It's like he woke up.

"B-...Buffy?" I kneel in front of him and nod slowly.

Suddenly I find myself in his arms. His body is shaking and he sobs in my chest.

I force my arms to wrap themselves around him.

I briefly wonder what happened to Angel but somehow my main concern is Faith.

And immediately, I feel bad about it. I gently stroke his damp hair.

"Shh, it's okay Angel. It's alright. I'm here, you'll be okay." His sobs die down but the shivering stays.

I need Giles. He'll know what to do. But I can't just leave Angel here.

He's back. He's really back. I thought I'd be happier.

Maybe it's because he maimed and killed someone who was obviously the world to Faith.

Maybe.

God, why am I making lame jokes? This is terrible. What do I do?

What do I do?

Okay, don't panic. There's a nearly unrecognisable human corpse in the room, you're holding a vampire with a soul who you killed but came back somehow. Does he really have a soul?

He killed Mike.

Yes, he has a soul. I saw it in his eyes. I'm holding Angel. Not Angelus.

Then why did he kill Mike?

He just came back from whatever dimension he was in, he could've been in hell for all I know and he was confused. He didn't know what he was doing.

Are you sure?

No.

Where's Faith?

I don't know.

Don't you want to go after her?

Yes, I do but I can't. Shut up. Let me think.

You are thinking.

No I'm arguing with you, which is me, so I'm arguing with myself. Now shut up.

So do I shut up or do you? Or do we both shut up?

I'm going insane. I need to concentrate. What I don't need, is to be having pointless arguments with myself because this is too much to handle.

I can handle this.

I need to think. Think.

I check my watch. 1am. I've been here for hours. I have to do something.

"Angel?" No answer.

"Angel?" I say a little louder.

His eyes are closed and he's whimpering in his sleep. Okay.

He's sleeping, I need to call Giles. He'll know what to do. I'll call Giles. Yeah.

"Okay, Angel, I'm just gonna be gone for like five minutes. I'll be right back so don't panic. I'll be right back. I just have to talk to Giles." I don't know why I'm talking to him since he's sleeping but I don't know anything these days.

I gently untangle myself from him and jog out the mansion towards the payphone. I put in a few coins and notice at the last moment that I've dialled Faiths motel room number.

I let it ring fifteen times before I hang up and call Giles instead.

"Hello?" He sounds sleepy. Duh. 1am.

"Giles, it's Buffy, I need your help. Right now."

"Buffy, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Joyce said you haven't been home all day. Where are you?"

"Giles, you have to get to the mansion. Now." I nervously glance at the looming form of the building.

"Mansion? Angel's mansion? Buffy, what's going on?" How the hell do I say this?

"Angel's back." I guess that's one way.

I hear him gasp over the line and some other noise, like he dropped something. Can't blame the guy.

"I- What... Has he hurt you?"

"No, Giles, he has his soul but he's messed up and sick and you have to get here."

"Give me ten minutes." I let out a relieved breath.

"Okay. Bye Giles." I hang up and jog back to the mansion to find Angel still sleeping naked in the corner.

I have to cover him up with something. He's still shaking. I find some blankets in the next room and pull them over him.

Next thing I know I've collapsed on the floor, leaning against the wall.

This is so messed up.

**Faith's POV:**

I took off. Everything was so fucked up I needed to go away. That or beat the un-living crap out of that Angel piece of shit and then burn him alive, just for the hell of it.

But I couldn't. Because it was Angel. The Angel. Buffy's Angel. Vampire with a soul, trying to repent for his sins.

Huh. I didn't know killing humans was part of that deal.

Sorry, I should know better. He didn't know what he was doing, right? He just came back from a hundred years of torture in hell. He was out of his mind and the beast in him had taken over. It wasn't anyone's fault.

Then why do I still want to dip his limbs in holy water one by one and crucify his un-dead ass?

And why do I feel guilty? I shouldn't have left Mike alone. I shouldn't have taken him to patrol in the first place. I should've been there.

So I took off. I roamed around the dark streets of Sunnyhell for hours. I was on a rampage. I beat everything un-dead that passed my way into a pulp. And then killed them. By midnight, though, everything made sure they didn't pass my way.

I don't know how long I was sitting on that gravestone. I didn't even hear the car screeching to a halt.

"Faith? What are you doing?" Mike's dead.

"Faith?" He's gone.

"Faith?!" Huh? I look up and see Giles stepping out of his car.

"Faith, what's the matter?" He crouches in front of me and puts his hands on my shoulders.

So much blood. I shrink away from Giles' touch as if it was pure acid, burning holes in my skin.

"Faith? I- Does this have something to do with Angel?" My eyes snap up when I hear that name.

"What happened?" He takes a worried step towards me and I take another step back. Once I start though, I can't stop. I take a few more steps back, then turn around and run away.

I faintly hear him calling after me but I don't seem to care.

Everything after that is just a blur though. I know I went to a seedy bar and drank like my life depended on it. And I know I woke up in the morning, lying next to some girl in a dingy apartment.

What the fuck?

I jump out of the bed and quickly gather my clothes. I search for the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror.

It's like a fucking six ton truck hit me. And then backed on up over me, just for kicks. I freshen up a little and put on my dirty clothes.

What time is it?

I step back out in the room and check the alarm next to the bed. Okay, so it's not morning. It's 3pm. Wednesday?!

It's Wednesday??? What the fuck happened to Sunday, Monday and Tuesday?

Mike's dead.

I suddenly don't give a shit what day it is.

"Hey, baby, where you going?" The girl on the bed sits up on the bed and yawns.

I ignore her and look for my jacket.

"Faith, baby, what's wrong?" She looks worried. I don't even know this chick.

I'm about to tell her to either help me find my jacket or fuck off when I notice the tears forming in her eyes. It takes all the self-control in me, but I manage to not bite her head off.

"Nothin', I just gotta motor. Where's my jacket?" I check in the bathroom again and when I come back, the girl's clutching it against her chest.

"Was it something I did?" She looks at the ugly orange carpet in front of me.

"No, I just really gotta go, ya know?" I hold out my hand for my jacket.

"You'll call me?" She's still holding my jacket.

"Sure." I answer.

She smiles and hands me my jacket. I quickly put it on and I'm about to walk out when she grabs my hand and kisses me on the cheek.

I stride away, in a hurry.

I feel so empty. Like there's a huge empty hole in my chest and it's taking all my energy not to break down and make it all stop.

I need to get back to the motel and sleep. I can't think right now. I need sleep.

When I get there, I see Red and Oz sitting on the steps leading to my room. They're reading some books but I just want to get to my bed.

Willow looks up and squeals when she hears me. She drops her books as she gets up.

"Faith! Oh my god, are you okay? Where have you been? Oh my god, we've been so worried! Where did you go? How are you? Do you need anything? Oh my god!" She moves to hug me but I step back.

She winces at my actions and Oz puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Too many questions, Will." He looks at me solemnly. "We were really worried, Faith."

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"We were on Faith Watch. We've been taking turns ever since you've disappeared. Xander wanted to call it Faith Duty but we figured that sounded like we had to do it but we just wanted to. Because we care, you know and we were worried and you've been gone for almost four days. Buffy's especially worried too. She barely sleeps and hasn't been to school. She's been looking for you every night while patrolling and takes care of Angel at dayt-.." Will stops mid-babble.

She must've caught my body react to that name. My whole body tensed up.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Faith, I shouldn't have said that. I-.." Oz stops her.

"Buffy told us everything. We just want to help, Faith." He says.

"I need to be alone." I step around them and enter my room. Will's about to say something but I've closed the door already.

I collapse on the floor and the pain I've been holding in can't find its way out.

So I just sit there.

**Buffy's POV:**

"I don't know how to thank you, Buffy."

In the last three days, Angel's been recuperating. Which is good. No more acting like an animal. So... Hurrah.

Cuz that's a good thing.

Yep. Angel's back and not animalistic. He's still a vampire but at least he's got his soul. So things should go back to the way they were before, right?

Not right.

It's been weird. Giles could barely look at him the first time he saw Angel. He was being all stand-offish so I asked him what's the what.

Apparently, Angelus tortured Giles.

So I've basically been alone in taking care of Angel. Not that the scoobs didn't want to help Angel. Actually... They didn't. But they came over once in a while anyway.

He's looking at me with those puppy dog eyes now. I used to swoon when he did that. Now I'm strangely indifferent. And there's a slight sliver of annoyance there somewhere.

"Don't even worry about it, Angel. I'm partly the reason this happened in the first place." I give him a small smile as I place the bag with blood in the fridge.

Suddenly I feel his cold arms around me from behind.

"I'm still very grateful, Buff." He kisses my cheek and I pull away.

Puppy dog eyes.

"It doesn't work that way anymore, Angel." I say.

Well it doesn't, does it? No. I don't feel the way I did for him anymore. Definitely not.

He's really working the puppy dog eyes for all they're worth.

"I don't understand." Ugh. How difficult can it be?

"Angel, I'm happy you're out of hell and everything... But things have changed. I've changed." I think back to the first time I saw Faith.

Randomly of course. It doesn't mean Faith is when it all changed. Of course not.

"I-... Are you saying you don't want to be with me?" He really looks hurt.

"I can't be with you Angel. And to be completely honest, I don't really want to anymore either. At least not in that way." I place a hand on his shoulder.

I can see he wants to ask what's changed, but I don't let him.

"I have to go, you'll be okay?" I gather my things.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." He looks at his hands.

"Okay. Bye Angel." I hug him and walk away.

I stride purposefully back to my house. My body's aching, my head hurts and just the thought of a bed makes me drool.

But I have meet Will at the motel so I'm just gonna grab a bite to eat and a shower. Willow told me to get some rest but I want to be there.

God I miss her.

We all do. Everyone's using everyone else's _real_ names now. Red, X-man, Queen C, Wolfboy, G-man,... I expect to hear her calling out to one of us, but she never does. Because she left and I don't know if she's coming back.

Why would she?

Does she know how much she means to us? How much she means to me?

I sigh to myself and open the door to the house.

I don't think she does.

"Buffy! Is she back?" Dawn runs towards me from the kitchen.

I shake my head, suddenly too tired to speak.

"Oh." She plops down on the couch and dejectedly watches TV.

She doesn't know all the details. She just knows that Faith's best friend was killed by a vampire and she left.

I'm worried sick. And I'm not the only one either. Mom's been in pace-mode.

A few times, when I was patrolling, I felt a little tingle. Slayer connection, you know? And I'd desperately try and find it again but it'd be gone.

At least I know she's alive.

Just as I walk in the kitchen, the phone rings.

"I'll get it!" Dawn yells.

I open the fridge and browse its contents.

"She's back?!" I hear Dawn yell.

What??

I'm standing next to her before I even realize it, with the phone next to my ear.

"Hello? What? Faith?"

"It's Willow, Buffy." Oh. Well... Spit it out, woman!

"What about Faith??" I ask.

Dawn's jumping up and down excitedly next to me.

"Uh... She came to the motel about ten minutes ago. But-"Ten minutes ago?

"What? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I interrupt.

"I... We would've called you from her room, but she kinda wanted to be alone, Buff." She sounds nervous and worried.

"Will, what's wrong?" I only realize how stupid that question is after I've asked it.

The most important person in her world just got brutally murdered by 'one of the good guys'. What wouldn't be wrong?

"She just seems so... You know that vibe Faith gives off?" I nod, although I know she can't see me.

Faith's like fire. Beautiful but dangerous if you get too close.

"Well it's not there. It's like she's a shell of herself, I'm really worried, Buffy. So is Oz." The worry is evident through her voice.

"Alright, I'm going over there, Will." I need to see her.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" She asks.

Huh? Why wouldn't it be? She can't be alone now, she needs someone. And I want to be that someone.

"What do you mean?" I hear her sigh.

"Angel."

Well that explains everything, doesn't it? It sounds terrible, but when it comes to Faith, Angel's always in the way.

Willow's right, I can't go over there. I don't want to add on her pain.

"But..." I start. I want to make her feel better. I want to see her.

"It's not good for her to be alone, Will." I state.

"I know, Buffy, but what other choice do we have? She won't let anyone come near. If she wants to be alone, what can we do?" Willow sounds almost as desperate as me to get near to Faith and just as frustrated that she can't.

"I don't know. I just wish..."

"Me too."

We sadly say our goodbyes and I hang up.

I stand there looking at the phone pensively for a total of five seconds before Dawn practically jumps me.

"Well?!"

I'm about to make sure she knows just how annoying she is when I realize that she just cares about Faith. Like me.

"She needs some time." I say.

Dawn's face falls.

"What do you mean she needs time? Time for what? How much time?" She asks.

All things I'd like to know my self, Dawn!

"Just... alone time I guess. And I don't know how much she needs." I run a worried hand through my hair.

"Girls, I'm home!"

I hear mom shut the door and Dawn rushes towards the hall.

"Faith's back!" She nearly yells.

"Oh thank god! Is she here?"

Yeah, I wish.

They both enter the kitchen and mom places the bags of groceries on the counter.

"No, Buffy says she needs _alone_ time but that's crap!"

"Dawn!" Me and mom say at the same time.

"_What?_ It is! It's crap." She says loudly.

She's really worked up.

"Sweetie, calm down and watch your language."

My mom gestures for Dawn to sit down.

"Buffy, what's going on?" She asks me.

Faith's back and miserable and I can't do anything about it because she wants to be alone.

"Faith's back and she wants to be alone." I answer.

"Well where has she been?" She looks at me intently and I feel like crying.

I can't help it. I'm completely clueless.

"Oh, sweetie..." She quickly wraps her arms around me.

I'm not crying though. Although it's a close call.

"Mom, what do I do?" I sniff.

"Well duh!" Dawn says.

"Dawnie..." Mom starts.

"She may _want_ alone time but that doesn't mean it's what she _needs_, does it mom?"

...Uh. Yes. I _know_ all this. Not helping.

Mom nods solemnly and strokes Dawn's hair.

"You're right, Dawn. Faith must be very upset and lonely right now. Knowing her, she'll want to shut everyone out and deal with it alone. But she's not. Alone, that is."

Well that's what I thought!

"Alright, I'm going!" I move to grab my jacket, ready for a little super friend heroics.

I can almost hear the Charlie's Angels theme music in the background.

"Uh, honey?"

Oh no. What now?

"I don't think it's best if you go." Mom looks at me with sad eyes.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

I sigh and collapse on a chair.

"I know." I whisper.

"I'm really sorry, sweetie." Mom rubs my back a little.

"Why can't Buffy go?" Dawn asks.

God, Dawn is gonna freak if she finds out.

"It's complicated, Dawn." Mom says.

Isn't it always?

**Faith's POV:**

Okay, pull yourself together. No biggie. Mike's dead and it's a damn shame, but you're Faith.

Faith.

And you can handle this shit. You don't need anyone and you can handle this shit.

I can handle this shit?

You. Can. Handle. This. _Shit_.

I feel tears stinging my eyes, begging to be let out but fuck that.

I am Faith, and I can handle this.

Not that I'm without emotion. I think my motel room is proof of that.

My hands are sticky and I don't have to look down to know that it's because of the blood.

My blood.

I release the fists I had cramped up for the past two hours. The physical pain it brings upon me should make me wince but I don't.

I calmly look around the room.

I'm moving on. Life's a bitch and it tries to beat you down.

_Fuck_ that.

You take the blows and move on. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Just move on. No big.

First up on the moving on list; take a shower.

I step out of the shower half an hour later and notice my bathroom has turned into a kiddie swimming pool.

Fucking dumbass that I am, I just _had_ to throw the tub around.

Whatever.

Moving on now.

Have to keep moving.

No pain.

Just keep moving.

Everything's fine.

No worries.

Keep moving.

I'm fine. Five by five. Have to make sure the Scoobs know that.

Damn, I feel bad for Red and Wolfboy though. They wanna help but they can't.

Cuz there's nothing here to help.

I'm fine.

I pull on some clothes and make-up. Last check in the mirror and I'm good to go.

Not exactly sure where I'm going but as long as it ain't here, it's where I wanna be.

I decide to go to B's.

You know, apologize for leaving her with the slayage.

As I'm walking through the streets I suddenly hear my name.

"Faith!" I turn around and see Cordy running towards me.

She doesn't have it easy either with those stiletto's.

"Hey, C, what's up?" I step back as she moves to hug me.

"Woah, what's wrong, babe?" I hold my hands up, hopefully showing her I'm not the touchy feely type.

"What's wrong?" She looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Faith, we were worried sick. Where the fuck were you?"

Worried sick? Yeah, right.

"Hey, I just needed a break. No big." I give her my patented Faith-five-by-five-grin.

She shakes her head and links her arm around mine. We start walking to... uh...

"Uh...Where we going, C?"

Not a lot of people get away with being this close to me, but I like Cordelia. And she's wicked hot. So I let her.

"I'm taking you home, dumbass." She says as if I was supposed to know this.

"Wanna get down and dirty? Jeez, C, most people would ask but I'm cool with that. Kinda liking this dominant side of you." I wiggle my eyebrows at her for good measure.

She lets out a frustrated sigh and stops walking to face me.

"Faith, honey, drop the act already. You're really good at it and I'm sure your loser friends would buy it in a heartbeat but you're talking to me right now, ok?" She takes advantage of my slightly bedazzled state of mind to briefly hug me.

"Now you're coming home with me. Daddy's not home. I'll give you something to eat, cuz you look like shit Faith." She nudges my side gently.

I snap out of my daze when she drags me forward towards her car again.

See? This girl's not stupid. Oh hell no. Not that the other scoobs are. But she's just annoyingly good at seeing people for what they are and cutting through the bullshit.

"I'm still the hottest piece of shit you've ever seen though, right? And uh, I hate to break it to ya, C, but my 'loser' friends? They're your friends too." I wink at her as I get in the car.

"That may very well be, Faith." She winks back.

We drive away in comfortable silence.

You know what?

I'm starting to think this girl really cares 'bout me.

Normally I'd be running away from her as fast as I can like a fucking maniac. But I'm tired. And as much as I try to deny it, this kinda feels good.

So for now I'll sit tight and see where this 'being cared for'-thing takes me.

Right now, it's taking me to Cordy's house.

And hey, big-ass mansion with food and a _clean_ pool?

Count me in.

We arrive at her house and C's looking at me like I have to do something.

Uh... Got out of the car?

Check.

Closed the door?

Check.

Raising questioning eyebrow to Cordelia?

Check.

Well then what the fuck?

She smiles at me.

"I knew you wouldn't be one of those people who swoon at the sight of my living arrangements."

Who cares about a fucking mansion with a hot chick like that?

"It's not exactly living arrangements I swoon for, C." I eye her suggestively.

Her smile widens and she takes my hand, leading me inside.

"I know."

We end up in this fuckin _huge_ kitchen and she opens the fridge for me.

"What do you feel like?" She leans into the fridge.

Her sexy little ass is right there for my flirting pleasure.

But I don't think it's a good idea to be flirting too much with Cordy.

Damn I wish she was the girl on my mind, but she's not.

I think you know who I'm talking about.

Don't make me say it.

I'll give ya a hint: it sure as hell ain't Red.

Have you not been paying attention?

'Course you have. I just don't want to think about her right now.

I always fall for the wrong people.

So let's just drop this.

"Hey, spaz?"

Huh?

Oh. Cordy. Fridge. Food.

And did she just call me a spaz?!

"Uh... I'm not actually that hungry right now, C."

I let her get away with it. Damn, I'm getting soft.

"That's new and highly doubtful. I'll put a pizza in the oven anyway, just in case."

She takes out the box and my stomach growls involuntarily at the picture on it.

She looks at me, smirking.

"Uh... I changed my mind?"

I jump on the counter as she nods at me, amused, and pops the pizza in the oven.

Suddenly I hear the probably most annoying thing I've ever heard in my life.

I grimace and look around in an effort to find and kill whatever animal's dying.

Cordy grabs her purse and holds up her cell.

"This, Faith, is what people call a cellular phone; also called referred to as a cellphone." She presses a button.

"Cordelia." She says.

I roll my eyes at her.

"I knew that.." I mumble.

"She's right here."

"Who is it?" I ask.

"It's Xander." She answers.

Why would Xander be asking about me?

I mean, sure he thinks I'm hot as hell but why would he ask Cordy?

"I saw her walking and I took her home. I'm nice that way." Cordelia sounds annoyed.

"Under the circumstances, she's fine, Xander." She looks at me intently.

I just shrug and hop off the counter. I open the fridge and check out a weird little jar.

"Right now? She's sniffing at my caviar." I close the fridge and look up to see her roll her eyes.

"No, you pathetic horndog, that is not a metaphor for hot lesbian sex."

I chuckle and mouth the words 'he wishes' to her.

She just raises an eyebrow at that.

"Yeah, well, I have to go.... Yes, I will ask her. .... I'll tell her. .... I'm sure she'll appreciate that. .... No, actually I wasn't being sarcastic that time. .... Sure. Ok, bye Xander." She lets out a relieved breath after hanging up.

"God, that boy can be annoying."

I shrug and lean against the counter.

"That boy is your boyfriend, Cordy." I inform her.

She looks up at me weirdly.

No, I haven't forgotten that incident at the Bronze and I do have a slight inkling why she keeps giving me these weird looks but it's safer to play stupid so that's what I do.

She seems to be lost in thought.

"So what'd he say?" I ask.

"He told me you were back. I told him I knew that and you were here. He freaked, wanted to know how you are. Told me to tell you that if you need anything we're all there for you. Worried friends stuff." She looks at me, observing my reaction.

Which, by the way, switched from surprised to sceptical, to hopeful, to doubtful.

Just so you know.

"Get over it Faith." She says.

... ?

Do you know what she's talking about? Cuz I don't.

"You are a very likeable person when you want to be, and honestly, even when you don't want to be. And like it or not, we care and worry about you. So get with the damn program. You are our friend, we are your friends. For real. Comprende?"

I nod stupidly at that.

I was going for a snort. But somehow, it felt like she meant it.

So I nodded.

I _am_ going soft aren't I?

**Buffy's POV:**

"Hello?"

"Hey, Buff."

"Oh, hey Xander."

I lean back on the couch again. Admittedly, a little disappointed.

"Good news!"

Blah!

I mean, yes, it's good news Faith's back but she's not here, with me. And she's alone too.

She shouldn't be alone.

I don't even care if she's not with me as long as she's not alone right now. She should be with someone who'll take care of her.

"I know Faith's back, Xand." I say while grabbing the remote.

I browse channels, working my frustrations out on said remote.

"Yeah, I know you know. But did you also know that she's at Cordy's?"

What??!

Uh, no! I did not know that.

What the hell is she doing at Cordy's?

"Sniffing caviar, apparently."

Er... I guess I said that out loud.

Wait...Sniffing caviar?

"What?"

"I know! It sounds like it means something, doesn't it? But in fact, and I got this from a good source of mine, it just means Faith was sniffing caviar. Literally."

Major wiggins.

Don't ask why, cuz I don't know.

"Well... Is she okay?"

"Yeah, Cordy's taking good care of her. I said I'd call back later, check up and all."

You know that thing I said about Faith not even having to be with me? As long as she's with someone who cares?

Really having a hard time of not taking that back now.

"Good." I say icily. "That's good. Really really... good."

Yes, I sound like a retard.

Hand me my bib, I must be drooling. Because that's the retard I am.

"Yeah, it is big on the good." Xander says.

"Yup. Good good good. It's so good, I said good three times. Even more if you count all the times I referred to me saying good. So it's all really good."

Yet sounds keep coming from my mouth, forming words. Those words however, seem to be having trouble forming coherent sentences.

"Uh... Are you okay, Buffy?"

I'm fine. You could even say I'm good. Since I seem to be so fond of that word.

I sigh.

"I'm fine, Xander. Call me after you call Cordelia later, okay?"

I want to go see Faith.

Because Cordy everyone else might think they're taking good care of Faith but I need to know for sure.

See it with my own eyes, you know?

Just to be sure my slayer buddy's fine.

Slayer buddy. Hah!

So not funny, but okay.

"Sure, Buff. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hang up and shove my head in the pillow next to me.

Maybe I can suffocate myself and die.

Ugh.

...Or... I could grow up!

Because I'm being very childish right now. Yes indeedy.

I'm acting like Faith's my favorite toy and Cordy stole her.

Which is so not the case.

First of all, Faith is sooo much more.

I can not even stress the fact that she means the world to me enough.

This, by the way, has been a recent revelation.

I mean, I've known for a while now that my feelings towards Faith had grown way past platonic and nearing the obsessed stalker zone at an alarming rate.

But this is serious.

Faith means the world to me.

Buffy Summers, here, you can have the whole world as your playground! But no Faith.

No Faith? Screw that!

Revelation.

Scary revelation.

Really...scary.

But that's the way it is and I can't help the way I feel.

Now what to do about her being with Cordy...

We can't let that happen now, can we?

Ofcourse not.

To the main deck!

... Yeah, I don't know where that came from either.

"Mom!!" I yell.

I get up from the couch and head to the kitchen.

"Yes, dear?" Mom turns away from her cooking.

"Faith lives in a motel." I tell her.

"Uh, yes, sweety, I know. It's an awful place for a child to live." She looks at me, waiting for me to go on.

"Exactly! And I know she said she's 'cool' with it. And that everything's 'five by five'. Whatever that means, because no one knows what the heck she's talking about when she says that. I should look it up sometime. Maybe it doesn't even mean anything at all. She probably doesn't even know what it means. She just says it to confuse one and all. All and one." I trail off in my rant.

I had a point.

...Oh!

"Anyway, we should ask her to stay here!" I look at mom hopefully.

"Well, Buffy, I already did."

Wha?

No. Seriously. Wha?

Not 'what'. Because that would lead people to believe the confusion I am in is not total.

So 'Wha?" it is.

Confusion is total. No half-confusion here, mister.

"I asked her two weeks ago. She said no, of course. I didn't want to push her because I know how difficult it is for her to trust people."

Okay. Breathe.

"Fine, then this time we'll make her move in." She looks at me skeptically.

"I'm serious, mom!" I tell her.

"I know you are, but we can't force her." She sighs and turns back to the vegetables she was cooking.

"Although..."

Although what? I see a sly smile forming on my mom's lips. And let me tell you, it's an unnerving thing to see.

What cunning plan has she thought up?

"... We could send Dawn."

...

Still waiting for the cunning plan.

"I mean it, Buffy. She loves Dawn, I don't think she would be able to say no."

I guess.

But... I mean... So... She'd be able to say no to me? Cuz she doesn't love me, right?

Right.

Sounds realistic.

Stupid dreamy Buffy. Always hoping for something you can't have.

Stupid stupid stupid.

"Buffy, what are you doing?"

I look up and my mother seems to be contemplating whether or not she should get me institutionalized.

Oh. So I really was banging my head against the wall.

Not just another visual, huh?

I cough uncomfortably.

I need one of those pamphlets that say "So you're going crazy...".

Definitely.

"Nothing, mom. I just... That sounds like a good idea. We should do that." I try to smile at her reassuringly, but knowing how my body never seems to do what I tell it to do, I'm probably smiling at her psychotically.

Seriously, where's my bib? Or my strait jacket for that matter.


	3. The drugs don't work

Author's Note: Ok, people, I apologize for the extreme delay. I'm staying somewhere else now where there's no internet (no, not hell, but close.). I've been gone since the first of September and I only go home at weekends so I'm afraid it's gonna be real slow going from here. The below was written before that fateful September morn and far from finished but hey, I don't have time to be my usual perfectionist self.

Faith's POV:

I'm not okay.

I'm not fine.

It hurts so much and pretending to be fine is wearing me out.

Cordy said I don't have to be fine. She said I'm not okay and I shouldn't hide it.

Cordy doesn't understand.

I _do_ have to be fine. I _do_ have to hide it.

When you show weakness, that's when you get beat down.

When you fall broken to the floor, they'll kick you.

And the louder your sobs, the louder your screams, the harder they kick.

I'm not okay.

I'm not fine.

I _am_ hurting.

I _am_ tired.

I _am_ broken.

But I will never, _ever_ let them see me fall.

Cordelia's in the next room, talking to Xander over the phone.

For a few minutes, I don't have to pretend.

I'm so tired.

I'm sitting on her couch, the TV's on but I'm not watching.

I'm just sitting here, tired, and staring off into space.

When she comes back, I'll pretend again.

I'll pretend to be okay, pretend I'm watching TV. Pretend I care.

I can hear her footsteps coming nearer.

Gotta snap out of it Faith.

I slouch down on the couch and glue my eyes on the screen.

She sits down beside me.

"What's the deal, C?"

It's amazing how naturally it comes to me.

"Feel up to making an appearance for your pining fans?" She asks.

Pining fans. Funny. A small smile has already made its way to my lips.

See? It just happens. I don't even have to think about it anymore.

Pretending to be something I'm not.

Sometimes I'm not sure which is the real me.

"I think I may be able to squeeze 'em into my busy schedule." I answer with a smirk.

She's looking at me. Studying my face.

She's not sure either.

"Okay well they're coming over tonight."

Uh. No.

"Tonight?" I turn my head to look at her.

"Yeah. No good?"

"No good, C." I say.

I really don't feel up to it. They'll want me to do the whole sharing and caring thing.

"Why not?" She looks at me worriedly.

Uh oh. She's thinking I'm not okay.

She's thinking I won't be able to deal. She's thinking I'm weak.

"Cuz I got me a hot date."

That earns me a raised eyebrow.

"Who?"

I grin at her.

"You."

She's blushing now.

"C'mon, C, I feel like Bronzin' it." She looks doubtful.

Time for the big guns.

Ready for it?

Initiate pout.

"Please?" I hit her with my 'innocent child' look.

She answers with that hilarious 'deer in headlights' look.

And...

"Fine. Okay, we'll go."

Gotcha.

I need to get all kindsa drunk tonight.

Buffy's POV:

"Really, that's great, I'll be right there!" I answer.

A little too loudly I might add.

"Woah with the shouting, Buff." Xander replies.

Who cares if he's deaf? I'm seeing Faith tonight!

"I'll pick you up in five, Xand." I tell him.

Gotta hurry! Still have to put on some make-up.

Have to change clothes!

There's so much to do!

"Sure, see ya then."

We both hang up and I run up the stairs.

Mom stops me at the top.

"Don't believe her." She says.

I don't have time for this, I have to go.

So I quickly nod and run to my room.

My mom is weird.

Argh! The phone is ringing.

Pick up or not?

Not.

I have to go.

"Buffyyyy!" Dawn. That girl has some lungs. "It's for you!"

Damn it.

I pick up the phone.

"Got it, Dawn!" I scream back.

"Again with the loud noises." I hear Xander say.

Why the hell is he calling again?

"Xander, I was about to leave. What's up?"

I put on some blush. Just a little.

"Uh... Little situation here, Buffy. Tonight's a bust." He says.

"What?! Why?!" I nearly yell at him.

"Well Cordy just called me and she says Faith's really tired. Or in Faith's own words 'wicked tired'. So we should let her rest for now."

No, Buffy. No more banging your head against walls.

But I want to so badly.

I sigh defeated.

"Fine."

"Well, Faith said she'd be at the morning meeting tomorrow. That's a good thing."

He talked to Faith??

"You talked to Faith?" I ask.

"Well... No, not exactly. But I heard some grunting in the background. And Cordy passed on the message."

Grunting? There's grunting? Faith's grunting at Cordelia's house?

Oh my god. I'm so fucking stupid.

Mike got killed and I'm freaking out over Faith grunting at Cordy's house.

The wall looks so inviting...

"Okay, so tomorrow?" I ask.

"Tomorrow."

I'll see her tomorrow. I say goodbye to Xander and fall on my bed.

Cordy better take good care of her.

Faith's POV:

We arrive at the Bronze and since it's a school night, there aren't as many people as usual.

Like I give a flying fuck.

Cordy'll never let me drink as much as I need to right now, so I have to play this smart.

"Yo, Queen C, you get us a nice dark corner and I'll get the drinks." I tell her.

She nods and I walk towards the bar.

I make sure she can't see me and order six shots of JD and two beers.

Lana's working the bar tonight and she smirks at me.

"You don't waste any time, do ya, Faith?"

I look her up and down suggestively then lick my lips.

"Guess not."

She's totally into me.

I lean over the bar and whisper in her ear. "Give us a kiss."

She gasps a little and turns her head.

I slowly let my tongue travel along her lower lip before I take it in my mouth.

Lana's an eager one and opens her mouth to me almost immediately.

Wouldn't want to be rude now, would I?

Our tongues explore each others mouths until I break it off.

She seems a little dazed so I give her a small peck.

She smiles at me and shakes her head when I take out my wallet.

"On the house." She winks and goes off to another customer.

I rock.

Glancing around the place, I check if Cordelia can see me.

Nope. I'm in the clear.

I quickly down the six shots.

Ooh...

I was buzzed before but now we're getting somewhere.

I grab the two beers and search for Cordy.

She's in one of the corner booths looking around for me probably.

Damn that girl's hot.

"Hey, C." I slide next to her.

"You're looking a little flushed." She raises a disapproving eyebrow.

"Hey, it was just a kiss. Least I got us free drinks, huh?"

"You kissed the bartender?!" Oops.

"Uh... No? What're you talking about?"

"I _was_ talking about the alcoholic fumes coming out of your mouth." She says with thinned lips and a set jaw.

Time for damage control.

"C, what are you so pissed off about? C'mon let's dance." I wiggle my eyebrows at her and nod my head towards the floor.

Now she has two choices. Tell me honestly how she feels about me and that's why she's pissed.

Or keep quiet and pretend she's not mad.

"Fine." She gets up and I down my beer in three gulps before grabbing her hand and leading her to the middle of the dance floor.

"That's my girl." I say and wink at her.

We dance and for about an hour, I forget everything. I forget the pain.

And when the music slows, I don't want to remember.

So I pull Cordelia close to me.

Our sweaty bodies press against each other.

She looks at me, her eyes wide.

We grind our bodies against each other and I forget.

Everything.

I'm holding a warm body, and I need release.

Before I know it, I'm kissing her.

Hard and hungry.

For about five seconds, she's kissing me back but she pulls away.

She steps out of my arms and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." She says.

What the fuck is she talking about? I want this.

"Cordy, I want you." I take her hand and pull her closer again.

Gentler this time.

I need this.

She sighs as I nuzzle her neck.

"Don't you want me?" I whisper in her ear.

She shivers as I nip at her ear lobe.

"Faith..."

"Buffy..." Her body freezes.

In my drunken haze, I don't realize and kiss her neck.

"Baby?" I ask.

"What did you just say?" She pushes me off.

I roll my eyes at her.

"Baby." I answer.

"No. You said Buffy. You called me Buffy." She's shaking her head again.

What the fuck is up with that?

"No I didn't." I say.

"Fuck you, Faith! I know you're messed up right now but don't lie to me!" She's practically screaming at me.

I don't need this shit.

"Whatever, Cordy, you don't know what you're missing." I walk past her, towards the bar.

Should've stuck to the original plan.

Just get insanely drunk.

I'm on my seventh shot when someone sits next to me and starts babbling.

"... Faith, let's go home." I catch the end.

Huh? This chick knows my name.

I look up and see a whole buncha Cordelia's frowning at me.

I start giggling uncontrollably. Oh c'mon, wouldn't you?

"God, you're drunk."

Hehe...She called me god.

"You called me god." I slur.

If I wasn't so shit faced I would've seen the tear marks down her cheeks.

But I was shit faced.

So I didn't notice.

"Faith, we really need to go home now." She tugs at my arm.

"Fuck that, C! I'm havin' fun." I pull my arm back from her.

She lets out a deep breath.

"I'm serious, Faith. I'm going home and I'm not leaving you here."

What the fuck is her problem?

"Then you'll be here for quite some time, sweet cheeks." I try to wink at her but in my drunken state I'm afraid I just blinked at her instead.

She's trying to pull me off the barstool now.

Hello? Slayer here!

I laugh at her efforts and she gives up.

"Fine."

"Buh-bye now Cordy." I wave and she strides off.

Good riddance. She was trying to make me leave my baby.

I look down at my glass.

"But I'm not leaving you, am I, baby? No, I'm not like those other fuckers. Don't worry."

Jack doesn't answer but I'm sure he appreciates my efforts.

Buffy's POV:

I am going to kill Cordelia.

No I won't. Not really.

She let Faith get drunk! I'm going to kill her!

No. No no no. Buffy, no. Calm down. You are not going to kill Cordelia.

No, no beating her up either. Be calm.

I swerve around the corner leading to the Bronze and almost hit a car as I park but I couldn't care any less.

I see Cordy standing in front of the Bronze, desperately trying to protect herself from the cold night. And my anger fades.

But just a little.

"Where is she?" I ask.

She doesn't answer but leads the way inside. The Bronze is virtually empty and I quickly spot Faith sitting at the bar.

I grind my teeth together as I notice a guy hanging over her.

I quickly stride over and pull the loser off of her. He starts shouting at me and I swear I'm about to kick his ugly ass.

"Get lost, Marvin, or do you want me to call your wife?" Cordelia almost spits.

Marvin?

"Miss Chase? ... I... No, I was just... Please... Don't tell my wife." He stutters.

"Then get the fuck out of here." She answers icily.

Marvin?

I'm sorry, but who names their child Marvin?

I look quizzically at Cordelia.

"Gardener." She says.

Oh.

I turn my attention back to Faith. She looks great.

Yes, I know. When someone is drunk and they're not supposed to be, you usually say they look terrible.

But she looks great.

She's slouching in her chair, cradling a bottle and she has a sad look on her face...

But she's still the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life.

I put my hand on her shoulder and god help me, the contact still makes my spine tingle.

"Faith?"

She looks up and smiles.

"Hey B." But then she frowns. "It's Wednesday, right?"

"Um... Yeah, why?"

"It's a school night." She states.

Oh, Faith...

"I'm here to take you home." I tell her and gently pull her up.

She just kind of snorts at that and mumbles something.

"What was that?" I ask.

"I said; what home?!" She snaps.

Pain. Bone-crushing blow to my skull, stab of a rusty knife in my gut... You can animate it in whatever way you want.

Pain.

I stumble backwards.

I'm sorry.

"I... Faith I..."

She takes another gulp from her bottle and flops back down on the stool.

I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't voice those words. Faith said them.

To Cordelia.

"I'm sorry I was a bitch tonight." She says again.

Cordelia takes a step towards Faith.

"That's okay, sweetie, now let me take you home." She says.

I... I need to get away.

And I run. I run out of the Bronze.

Outside, I try to breathe. I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe?


	4. Indescribable

**Author's Note:** Right. Well, people, I'm just gonna have to say sorry. This chapter… What? Six pages or so? Previous ones… circa 40. So yeah… Sorry. I barely have time to write anymore. And… I'll let ya in on a secret… I'm a pessimist. What's that got to do with anything? I can relate to things going to shit. I can. But making things right again? …Ah…Not my strongest point. You get me? So again: sloooow going. I'm trying though. Please, for the love of Dushku, gimme feedback!

PS: Jockstrap… Uh… This is gonna hurt me to say this… I was extremely flattered to hear that you like my fic. I swear, it even made me…gasp …smile! But uh… Have ya seen Oralfxatn's site? I could only hope to ever be anywhere near the same league.

**Buffy's POV:**

"Leave me alone, Dawn." She looks at me, worried.

"Did you go see Faith?" My head snaps up a little too quickly.

"How did you know that?"

I just came home and I found Dawn sitting in my room. Apparently she heard me leave and decided to wait up for me. I guess it's sweet but right now… Other things on my mind, you know? Now she wants to have a little all-night talk, like we used to have. But I'd rather be all broody and seriously, how does she know I went to Faith anyway?

She rolls her eyes at me and sighs.

"Who else would you be driving off to in the middle of the night?"

I roll my eyes right back at her. I could be driving off to plenty of people. Willow, Xander, Giles… Hello? Slayer here. Could be an apocalypse at hand. Who knows?

"Uh. I dunno. Angel?" My fourteen year-old sister is somehow able to look at me like mom does when she catches me lying. Scary stuff, I'll tell you that.

"Did you?"

…No. She takes my silence as confirmation.

"How is she?"

Alright… Now put yourself in my position. I'm feeling like crap, extremely mad at myself because Faith feels like crap and then someone asks me _that_. I'm ashamed to say that I tend to take out some frustrations on Dawn sometimes.

"Go away." I say through gritted teeth.

I can't help it and every time I do it, I feel even worse and promise myself I won't ever do it again but it's inevitable really… I'm such a crap sister.

She never was good at hiding emotions and the hurt I caused is obvious for me to see. She gets up and walks away wordlessly.

Yup, feeling even crappier now.

I miss Faith so bad. Just a week ago I thought things were looking up. I was just about to take a chem exam and suddenly I hear tapping. And there she was. My own personal automatic smile bringer. … Smile bringer? You know what I mean.

She always takes my breath away. She drew this little heart on the window and cocked an eyebrow. She didn't have to ask me twice. Before I knew it, I was outside, buzzing with energy.

She does that, you know.

I remember thinking there was some meaning behind the heart. But I also remember the disappointment when she started talking about a vampire nest.

But I'm with Faith, and I just skipped class and I'm with Faith and I'm going to go stake some baddies and I'm with Faith and…

"Wow…"

"Wow what?" She asks.

"I've never done that before."

Look at me! Buffy Summers skipping an exam!

She looks at me skeptically.

"Done what? You've never skipped class before?!"

"No! I've skipped!" I can be a bad girl. "I've skipped a-plenty."

Do bad girls say 'a-plenty'?

"I just never climbed out the window during a chem exam before."

"Oh." She says. But then she stops walking.

"Wait, you have a chem exam??"

Yup. Me bad.

"Uh, yeah."

And then she starts walking back. Just like that.

Faith's weird.

"Damnit, B, you gotta tell me these things. And what the hell's the matter with you anyway? A chem exam?"

What is she talking about?

"Where are you going?"

She stops and looks at me.

"I'm taking you back."

She walks back towards me and grabs my arm, pulling me with her.

"What?! Why?"

Oh no, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister! You're the one being weird, not me.

"Cuz you have a chem exam, B. Get with the damn program."

"You've gotta be kidding me!"

This is rich! Faith is not letting me skip an exam?

But she's not laughing. She's not smirking, she's just mumbling the word 'stupid' over and over.

"Oh my god, you're serious!" I look at her accusingly.

"Fuck yeah." She crouches when we reach the window and peeks in.

"So big bad Faith is cool with skipping class as long as there isn't an exam?!"

Tell me you're joking, Faith!

"When it comes to you? Yeah."

Is this girl ever going to make sense?

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She takes another look through the window and then looks up at me seriously.

"It means that I don't give a shit if I miss and exam or whatever but you gotta take it."

Oh well, now I get it.

Not.

"That doesn't make any sense!" I yell.

She pulls me into a crouch.

"Shh. And yeah it does. Now get your ass back in there." She whispers.

"How does that make sense?" I whisper back.

She sighs.

"You've got a good thing going. Skipping a few classes won't mess that up. But skipping a few classes _and_ blowing an exam just might. The nest can wait."

She opens the window and motions for me to enter.

"Huh." I say.

I have just had the strangest thought.

"What?" She asks.

"You care."

She _cares_! It's obvious now, isn't it?

Ofcourse it is!

Faith cares about me! She cares!

She seems flustered and then scowls.

"No I don't."

She pushes me roughly into the class and I fall flat on my butt.

I look back up but she's disappeared.

"She cares!"

I look up to find Willow, Xander, and just about everyone in the room looking at me.

Oops.

Just thinking about her makes my heart all malfunction-y. In a good way. But it's just weird. I mean… I get that when you see someone you have a crush on, you get all… crushy. But just _thinking_ about that person? And the intensity of it… It's just very very… weird. I can't even describe it really. I feel warm and cold at the same time. Everything becomes more focused but blurry. Intense but soft. … I don't know, it's just… I never knew someone was even _able_ to feel so much. Feeling overload.

Right now though… It's still there. If I just think about her, just Faith, I still get the happiness and utter fluffyness but… The situation is shit. So I'm sad. Extremely so.

I'm lying on my side in bed, just kinda staring at the wall. Thinking about all kinds of stuff. Mostly about her, naturally. And then I hear it. I'm not even sure if I heard it exactly. I think I just…felt it.

"Buffy…" It was so soft and gentle and I was getting the overload all over again.

I sit up in bed and turn around, towards the window. Cue the momentary loss of breath.

I will never, and I mean _never_, be able to describe to you exactly how beautiful she is and what she makes me feel. Seeing her there, out my window, perched on the branch, moonlight caressing her frame, igniting her big brown eyes…

It's like… Have you ever seen something that was so beautiful, it almost _hurt_? Or heard a song, and it touches you to the core, all you can do is feel. You want to somehow express what you're experiencing but… all you can really do is feel. Do you know what I mean? I hope you do, because those moments are priceless.

If you do know what I mean, try to go back to that moment. How you felt. Now multiply it by infinity. You're a little bit closer to knowing how I feel around her. Most of all though, I hope you know exactly what I mean, because you have someone who makes you feel the same.

But then again… I'd like to think only Faith can do this.

I never claimed to make sense.

I shakily get out of bed and walk towards her. This would be a real shitty time for my heart to explode. But I swear, it feels like it will, any second now.

Standing by the window I trace her form on the glass. I guess it's just because she's so… everything. She's everything. Beautiful. Breathtaking. Inexplicably… everything.

I'm for mush. I can't help it, I like mush. Fluffy mush. But normally, even _I_ have my limits. Apparently, not around her though.

I swear, I'm lost in her eyes. These moments are the most difficult to describe. Because words barely even come to play. I just feel.

How 'bout I try to leave away the feelings for now and just explain what happened?

Okay, so I trace her form through the glass, never breaking eye-contact. She looks back at me, she looks slightly dazed.

Eventually, I do open the window though. I could easily just stare at her silently forever, but that's not really realistic. And there's a big chance she might run away, freaked out. Besides, my apology is begging to be let out.

"Faith…"

She seems surprised and kind of shakes her head from whatever daze she was in and looks at me.

"B." Her eyes dart nervously to her hands.

No, no, keep looking at me.

"I'm sorry, I-.." She starts.

Woah, hold on there! She's apologizing?

"Faith, no, don't. It's me, I-…"

I guess she's not the only one who tends to interrupt people.

"B, no. Just lemme say this, alright?" She looks at me pleadingly and what can I say?

I nod, again threatening to get lost.

"I ain't ever been good at this shit and fuck knows I never will be but…What I said at the Bronze… I'm sorry. I didn't… I mean… I'm not mad at you, you know? You have to know. Because… Well… I just need you to know. I was drunk and… I wasn't mad at you. I'm not." Her words are softly spoken and she was looking at her hands all the time.

But now she looks back up at me. She wants to know if I believe her. God… What I feel… This is love. I close my eyes for a moment and treasure the feeling of it.

Next thing I know, I feel soft lips on my forehead. But they're gone too soon. I open my eyes.

"Sorry, B." And she hops to the ground.

I… What? She… What? She's already on the sidewalk… I have to…What?

"Faith!"

She turns back hesitantly.

I love you.

"I…I'll see you tomorrow?"

She kinda half grins, half smiles at me. It's the most adorable goofy smile I have ever seen.

"You bet."

For almost a minute we just stand there. Me leaning half out my window. Her, standing on the lawn looking up at me.


	5. Disarm

**Author's Note:** I'm a thief, I am. Yeah, the title is from a song by the Smashing pumpkins. It's called 'Disarm'. Like you didn't know that, huh? It's a classic. Oh, and before I forget: The Drugs Don't Work is also not an original 'me'-title. Nope. It's a song by The Verve. Again, a classic. Oooh and duh: Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill. The other chapter titles could, I guess, also be song titles. But then that would be entirely coincidental. I doubt anyone would have a song called 'Dramatic name for second chapter' though. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be stealing titles in the near future again.

**Faith's POV:**

I blame it on the hellmouth. All of it. No, hear me out. The hellmouth messes with people's heads. Tell me I'm right, I know I am. I have to be.

I ran off to B last night. I shared this look with Cordy and we both kinda knew what I had to do. What I was going to do. None of us really had a choice in the matter really… Freaky. But that's not even the freakiest part.

I haul ass towards B's house, not really thinking about anything. Simply certain that this is what I was supposed to do, no doubt about it. Destiny maybe. coughHELLMOUTHcough Destiny's worth shit though, standing under B's window in the middle of the night.

Figured I had two choices. Either slap myself hard on the head… Or climb up the conveniently placed tree. Slapping myself sounded kinda lame though so I quickly vaulted up the branches, finally settling myself on the one reaching towards her room.

I guessed she was sleeping and I felt like a fucking idiot, sitting up there just staring at her back.

But then again, I felt… Good. Watching her sleep gave me a freaky-ass sense of peace I guess.

Buffy…

And then she sat up and turned to me.

Er… I didn't think I said that out loud. Maybe I'm telepathic. coughHELLMOUTHcough

Know what I'm saying? Weird shit, man.

So we're kinda just looking at each other. It feels okay though for some reason. … Don't make me do the spazzy cough routine again. Then she gets up hesitantly and pads over to me. Anywhere else, she'd just open the window. But let's not forget where SunnyD is situated, so no. She doesn't _just_ open the window.

She traces my shape in the fucking window. … I _know_! This is fucking weird shit! But noooo, since we're in Demon Central, I decide that it's probably the sweetest thing I've ever seen! What's up with that?!

Basically, she's being all 'Ooooh… Invisible barrier!' on me, while I feel like my heart is breaking. I stop myself from also reaching out to the window just in time.

Eventually, she _does_ get over the fact that glass exists and opens it.

Uh-oh. I'm pretty sure my heart is about to fall apart. Her eyes are kinda red and puffy and how much of a bitch can I be?? Did she cry for me? For me?? She's so beautiful, it hurts to see that she's been hurting.

"Faith…" She breathes.

Fuck. How many fucking times can a heart break in five minutes? Me, being my ever-witty and charming self, I answer her accordingly:

"B."

I guess this is when I start saying what I came here to say. … Uh… wait… What did I… She's pretty… Oh !

"I'm sorry. I-…"

"Faith, no, don't. It's me. I-…"

No way. No fucking way. She can't keep doing this to me! Turning me into a big pile of goo everytime she even just looks or speaks to me! I have to get this out.

"B, no. Just lemme say this, alright?" Please lemme say this, B. No, don't look at me like that…

Right when I think I'm about to break, she nods and I let out a relieved breath.

"I ain't ever been good at this shit and fuck knows I never will be but…What I said at the Bronze… I'm sorry. I didn't… I mean… I'm not mad at you, you know? You have to know. Because… Well… I just need you to know. I was drunk and… I wasn't mad at you. I'm not." I stutter a little whilst delivering that undoubtedly heart-wrenching speech. Hah. _Right_.

Can you say Hellmouth?

Since when do I stutter? Fuck that, since when do I say crazy shit like…'sorry' and all that?

And then B gets all freaky on me again. I look at her to see what she has to say about it, if she even _has_ anything to say about it. She closes her eyes.

She _closes her eyes_.

I swear, that girl is on drugs. I think her and me need to have a nice little chat about the utter idiocy of drugs. Slap some sense in her maybe.

But… of course there's a but. We're on the hellmouth people. Like I said, freaky shit. So no, I don't actually think she's a druggie at that moment. Instead, I feel this weird wave of warmth and safety and… No. You can't make me say it. …You.. Can't… I… Nooo… Argh! A wave of warmth, safety and _love_, alright?! For fuck's sake, give me a break here.

Before I know what the fuck I'm doing, I've already kissed her forehead and looking at her wide-eyed.

Oops?

"Sorry, B." I say again and jump out the tree. I've got to get as far away from here as possible.

I'm almost at the sidewalk when I hear her call my name. I love it when she does that. In a it kinda freaks me out kinda way.

Maybe I should pretend I didn't hear her and just run off? … Yeah… Like that would ever happen.

I turn around and seriously… I'm getting sick of myself.

Seeing her there, leaning out her window, looking down on me… The moon's behind her, so the moonlight is streaming around her and… Gah! What is wrong with me? Maybe I'm not as sober as I thought… Yeah… That's it.

"I… I'll see you tomorrow?"

She's so fucking sweet! What else can I say, really? I go for a grin but end up… I dunno what I end up doing but I'm sure it's damn scary.

"You bet."

And I walk away. I just walk away. I'm drunk again. Yup. Drunk. Nothing else.

See this is bullshit. What is fucking wrong with me??? She always does this. I hate her. I have to, don't I? Sure I do. ... Fuck. I'm in deep.

You think maybe she... Nah. ...But... You think maybe she kinda likes me? Just a little? No, that's just not... It's not even a fucking possibility. It's not. Cuz I'm pretty sure she's still got it bad for _him_. Before I even knew he _existed_, I figured she had it bad for someone. Like this one time on patrol, she was being weird.

Well yeah, she's always kinda weird. But this was a different type of weird. And I'd noticed it before but I never asked about it or nothing cuz... Well that would kinda give away the fact that I notice her different kinds of weird. But that night... Well I asked anyway.

It took me a while though. I think I kinda had this feeling I was up for some major hurting. ...Huh... So this weird crushy thing has been going on for longer than I thought... That's sad. Anyways, so before I actually initiated the conversation that inevitably would totally fuck me up... I made sure I had some defensive tools. I strapped on my metaphorical bazooka, shotgun, AK-47's, baseball bat and my own personaly favorite... knife.

And when I felt bad-ass enough, I asked.

"So tell me."

Yeah well... I like to play games. Ofcourse, I didn't count on her looking at me like that. All... dazed and curious and ... cute. ... Where the fuck did my bazooka go?

"Tell you what?"

No not the voice, not the voice! For the love of god, do not tell me I just lost my shotgun. Act cool.

"How old is he?"

Yeah, play the confusion card. Always a winner.

"Who? Faith, what the hell are you talking about?"

Works like a charm, she looks at me confused.

"The guy!" I look at her like she's supposed to know what I'm talking about.

"... What guy?!" She squeaks, sounding a little exasperated...and squeaky. Hehe.

"The guy you've been thinking about." I roll my eyes. Not at her. I just keep looking straight ahead. Nonchalance, remember?

Oops. Shouldn't have sneaked a peek. I catch a little glimpse of her scrunching up her face, completely baffled.

"Why would I be thinking about a guy?"

Bingo. Roll out a red carpet for mister Innuendo why don't ya?

"You for the _finer_ sex now?"

"What?? No!" Ahh, denial. ... Hers or mine?

I smirk at her.

"No, it's alright, B." Eyebrow quirk. "Good to know actually." Wink.

"I...no. Wait-" Bulls-eye. Oh, but I'm not stopping there. Poor B.

"So who is she?" I say all normal-like.

Gotta admit though, she's doing a relatively good job. She hasn't really spluttered that much yet.

"There is no _she_ in my head. No _he_ either."

Yeahhh right.

"Bullshit, B. Look, you don't got to talk about it with me."

...Where did that come from? I know we don't talk about serious shit often but I never really thought it bothered me... I guess I'm stupid.

"There's nothing to talk about." She states.

Goddamnit, it does kinda hurt that she can't talk to me about stuff like that.

"I repeat: Bullshit. But I know you'd rather talk to Red about this kinda crap, so it's cool."

That sounded kinda sad to me. ...Fuck, that bazooka would come in real handy right now.

"Faith..." Argh. No... Don't do this B.

"It _is_. No hard feelings, B. I was just curious cuz..."

Shit, I don't wanna go there. Where did I put those AK's?

"Faith! I-... Cuzious cuz what?"

"Cuz whoever it is, he makes ya happy." ... It's true. She's been extra perky and goofy lately. But I really _really_ do not want to go there. I force myself to smile. "Must be a 'swell' guy, huh? Or girl." I wink.

And then she slows down. ... She doesn't say anything and I think I may have hit a sore spot. Damned if I know where that spot is though. So I take a guess.

"Hey, I was just playin', B. I know you're straight as an arrow. Don't pay attention to the scooby idiot."

I figure I'm in the clear and we can just move on to any other subject but...No such luck.

"That's not true."

I think my heart just stopped beating there. What's not true? She's not completely straight? What??

"What's not true?"

"...You're not an idiot."

Oh.

"Oh. Right. Well, my words and actions tell me different."

I shake my head. Stupid Faith. And yet, for some reason, she doesn't drop it.

"That's not true. Quit it, Faith. you're not an idiot."

Shit. This whole conversation has taken a real depressing turn. And her being all... nice isn't helping. I don't even have my fucking baseball bat no more.

"Whatever."

In other words: Change the subject.

"I mean it." She turns to face me and I'm feeling kinda weak. ... Maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night. But I mean it too: Change the subject.

"Anyway, this isn't about me. I was buggin' you about mystery guy, remember?"

"Yeah..."

"Don't worry, I'll drop it."

Gotta admit, I'm curious, but it just kinda stings.

"It's not cuz-..." She starts.

"Nah, I get it, B. Red's real-stuff girl..."

"Real-stuff girl?"

I nod matter of factly.

"Yeah."

But she doesn't get it.

"Elaborate."

I really don't want to have to explain the obvious to her either... I sigh.

"She's the one you talk about serious stuff with. Stuff that matters, you know? Can't blame you though. She's good at that shit."

Her eyes widen in something resembling shock.

"How can you say that?"

This is bullshit, how can she deny the fucking simple truth?

"Say what? You're saying Red isn't great with that?"

"No, I-... She _is_. But in a different way."

"Sure. Nevermind, B."

"Listen to me. In some things, I _will_ turn to Willow for comfort or... whatever it is I need. But in other..."

What is she saying?

"What?" I ask.

"I'd go to you."

Don't say that. Don't fucking say that. I love my knife. Why did you have to fucking take that away from me? Play it cool.

"Sure you would."

"I _would_! And actually, I do. But you're too dense to notice I'm talking about serious stuff." She nudges me playfully.

I throw my hands up in the air in exasperation and admittedly... desparation. I thought this was about _me_ confusing _her_.

"Oh. Great!"

"Argh!" She sounds a little exasperated herself. "I _mean_, you make me feel better about whatever's bugging me in a different way than Will does. You help me rationalize things. Put them in perspective. You help me not give up. You make me feel like it's not so bad." She flashes me a shy little smile. "In your own Faith type o' way."

Well... That was unexpected. And... doubtful?

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Well what the fuck do I say to that?

"Shit, I didn't know I was _that_ cool." What did you expect? A serious answer?

She mock sighs.

"Oh no. What have I done?" She nudges me again and we start up the walking.

It's quiet for a while but I feel like I have to say something.

"Hey, B."

I notice we're walking closer to eachother than before.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

I don't actually look at her, but it's like I can feel her smiling.

"I should be the one thanking you."

I chuckle a little.

"Yeah, but that would be mushy." I smile.

"Yeah."

Not having all the weapons? ... I kinda felt naked before. But now... I just feel lighter.


	6. Catch me

**Author's Note:** Sorry it took so long, still way shorter than my earlier stuff, but I hope it's not too bad. Oh and thanks for the reviews. I don't know where all this mush and drama comes from, I swear. But worry not, for I'm working on some kind of happy ending. And with any luck, maybe I'll actually finish something for once!

**Buffy's POV:**

It's been a month. She's been back for a month. Back. She's... I mean, she's still Faith. She still occasionally snores at scooby meetings, she still hangs out at the Bronze, she still loves to see Giles squirm. Actually she still likes to see _anyone_ squirm. But Giles is probably her all-time favorite. Anyways, she still does all these things. But they seem... less. She has fun teasing Giles, that's for sure, but it's just less. She used to have this twinkle in her eye, it's still there it just seems... I dunno... glazed? Closed off, distant... So yeah, she's been back for a month...But I'm still waiting for her.

I have desperately tried to stay away from her the past four weeks. I suggested more seperate patrols, I tried not to talk to her too much and god have I tried not to look at her. The first two have worked relatively well. The last part... She's so beautiful, I can't get over it. Not being with her on purpose is torture. I'm miserable about it but if that's what she needs...

Cordelia. These days it's 'Faith and Cordelia'. ...'Cordelia and Faith'. They're virtually inseperable. Where Faith goes, Cordelia goes. And where Cordelia goes... Well she grabs Faith and then Faith goes too. Am I a selfish bitch if I say that pisses me off? Cuz it does. It makes my friggin' blood boil. It makes my stomach go all bad-loopy. As opposed to the good loopy I usually get when around Faith. You'd think they were dating or something! Also, Cordelia broke up with Xander. That was very unnerving news. Because as long as Cordy was with Xander, she wouldn't get with Faith, right? I mean... I'm not sure about Cordelia, but Faith wouldn't do that to Xander. But now, Cordy's free as a bird. And so is Faith. And they hang out _a lot_.

"Perhaps it was of Avarion nature?" Giles muses.

"Yes! _Avarion_. That's the one. Okay, research done, let's Bronze it!" Xander breathes out exasperated.

"Xander, we've only been researching for..." Giles glances at the clock as he picks up another book. "Fifteen minutes."

Xander falls back in his chair, defeated. "Oh but it doesn't feel like fifteen minutes." He mumbles.

Giles shakes his head and sighs, leafing through the big tome in his hands. Willow is typing happily away at the computer and I... I'm gonna look at some pretty pictures! I grab the first book I come across and open it at a random page. Ew. Okay, maybe not so pretty pictures.

And what is up with Cordy and stiletto's anyway? She's seventeen for christ's sake! Act your age, why don't you...And the way she laughs at Faith's jokes! God, it's aggrevating! She might as well wear a sign saying: 'Fuck me, Faith!'. Stupid Cordelia... Actually, this rant does have something to do with the current situation. While being totally grossed out by a..' _O'kmar demon'_, I heard that annoying sound. Cordelia walking in the hallway, you can hear that girl coming from miles away. I heard Faith's smoky voice, mumbling and then I heard Cordelia's 'god, Faith, you're _sooo_ funny'-cackle.

"... not that bad. Plus: free coffee. What's not to like?" I hear Faith say as she walks through the library doors. Cordelia behind her, like the sick sick puppy she is! ...I mean... Nevermind.

"It's immoral, sweetie." Cordelia rolls her eyes and waves at the gang.

"Good of you to join us." Giles says.

Oh, yes, how _wonderful_ of you to join us! Gah! They're driving me insane. There are two people in the whole wide world who can get away with calling Faith stuff like 'sweetie' or 'honey' or something. My mom. And Cordelia fucking Chase!

Faith hops up on the counter, leaning back on her hands.

"What's the summary for this episode of The Demony Dale?" She asks. I smile and roll my eyes. Her wit never ceases to amaze me.

"The Demony Dale?" Xander chuckles.

Faith shrugs and massages her neck subconsciously.

"It's a temporary title, just 'till we find a better one. Got any ideas?"

"Faith the Vampire Slayer?" Xander asks.

"Hey!" I protest. I accidentally let my gaze fall on Faith as she smiles. She's looking back at me and it's the highlight of my week.

"I mean... Buffy and Faith the Vampire and technically all kinds of evil demon Slayers?" Xander corrects himself.

"Yeah..." We all take a moment to contemplate the title. "Ergo 'The Demony Dale'." Faith deadpans. I giggle at the comment but stop myself as Cordy does the exact same thing. Damn her.

I scowl and hide my face behind my book. And still ew. I quickly turn the page.

"We're just trying to figure out which spell those vampires used. Or at least attempted to use before you and Buff stopped by that warehouse." Willow explains.

"Quite. You mentioned there was a goat's leg involved?" Giles inquires.

"Mm." Faith hums affirmatively and grabs a chair next to Xander. "It was slashed up big style too."

She says something else but my attention's focused on Cordelia immediately reacting to Faith's actions and quickly seating herself on her other side. Bitch.

"B?" That snaps me back.

It doesn't happen a lot anymore. Usually, whenever she'd be talking to someone, she'd always drag me in the conversation. These days though... It's all about Cordelia. I realize I'm just staring at Faith and I cough uncomfortably.

"Sorry, what?"

"That they cut up the leg and were tonguing it and stuff." Faith raises an eyebrow, asking me what's the deal.

"Yeah it was pretty gross." I roll my eyes slightly and look down. Telling her it's nothing.

"Yeah. Cuz... What with the blood and shit..." She quirks both her eyebrows a little. Asking if I'm sure. And her eyes are so wide and big and brown and beautiful and innocent and god I'm in trouble...

"Yeah. Blood." I manage to get out. She looks sad. ...Hurt even.

We just kinda sit there and stare at eachother. Willow turned around to face us after hearing my last comment and she was staring at us basically acting like complete morons. Xander was also staring, completely oblivious to what caused this strange turn of events. Cordelia's eyes were just _bulging_ out. And Giles just kept on writing in his diary. He looks up, pensive.

"Sorry, there were feces involved? Feces and blood..." He mutters the last part.

The question kinda throws us all outta our own inner musings. Feces?

"_What_!" Xander exclaims. "Giles, how does your _mind_ work?"

"I..." He looks at us, surprised. "Faith said that there was a mangled, bloody goat's leg and-..." A look of realization hits him. "American slang." He ends, deflated.

"American slang." He repeats.

Faith's forehead scrunches up a little, as if she's trying to remember what she said. It's cute.

"Ohhh..." Xander says. "With the blood and _shit_."

Willow gives him a look.

"What? I can cuss. I can be a...bad-ass mother...fucker...goddamnit."

Willow gasps, I admit my jaw dropped a little, Cordelia rolls her eyes and Faith chuckles. Giles has disappeared in the office. Xander drops his head in shame.

"Yeah, that was wrong even to _my_ ears." He admits.

"Where's Wolfboy?" Faith asks, she turns her head to look at Willow. I notice there's the slightest blush of pink behind her ears. ... Is this.. Is that Faith blushing?

**Faith's POV:**

"He's practicing with the Dingoes." Red answers. I smile a little at seeing her eyes go dreamy. Then I feel Xander nudge me. I turn to look at him.

"Sup, bad-ass?" I smirk. I feel watched. Buffy's watching me. She's looking at me, listening to me. It makes me nervous. Gotta give me props for still acting pretty damn cool though.

"I couldn't help but hear about something immoral when you came in." Xander smiles expectantly. I roll my eyes. Horny teenage boys...

"You already heard that one, X. You know, with the girl at the Expresso Pump?" I catch Buffy flinching out the corner of my eye.

Huh? I look at B and notice she's looking wicked sad. But then she catches my eye and smiles weakly.

"What? The superhot blonde? Or the superhot blonde waitress?" Xander asks further.

"Waitress." I answer distracted. I look at my boots stretched out in front of me.

"Aw, man. I love that story! Any story involving hot lesbian chicks and free coffee and muffins? Fine by me!" He exclaims.

I smile at him, fondly. He's like a puppy sometimes. Not that I'm fond of puppies. Big bad Faith, remember? Alright, maybe not so big bad Faith recently. I've been having these talks with people. Talks. Serious ones too. I dunno, it's just... They just kinda happened.

Like at some point it was just me and Willow in the library. And outta the blue she asks me how I'm holding up. And we talked. Only cuz she caught me off-guard, I swear. We just talked about stuff. I told her about Mike. And it felt good. A few days after that, I was on donut-duty with Xander. We were walking back with the supplies and then he not so subtly expresses his concern for me. I think it went something like this:

"You know, I like jelly donuts. How 'bout you? Cuz me and jelly donuts, we have a history. ...Since we were kids, me and jelly...Inseperable, you know? I'd be upset if suddenly jelly donuts wouldn't exist anymore. You know, if they stopped making them in the donut factory? So... Yeah... How about you?"

"...Are you asking me what my opinion on jelly donuts is? Cuz I gotta say, X, I thought you were more perceptive than that."

"Right. Yeah! Cuz... You love jelly donuts. You love all donuts. No discrimination here, mister! ... But I was just wondering..."

"Xander. If jelly donuts suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth, or they stopped making them, or if jelly donuts got _eaten by a tall broody vampire with a soul_, I'd be devestated. But I'd deal. Cuz though I love jelly donuts, I also love chocolate sprinkled donuts. And the cream filled ones. And the rainbow ones. And...Well you know what I mean."

And then _we_ talked. It was less deep than the talk with Red, but not less helpful. And over the weeks, I had talks with Cordelia, Giles, Mrs S, Oz, even Dawn. Part of me feels embarassed about them. Right, maybe they weren't really 'indepth', and there sure as fuck wasn't any huggin or cryin involved. But it's the furthest I've ever gone with the sharing caring deal. So then again, another part of me is proud that I had these talks. It's complicated I guess, but what else is new.

And anyway, puppies are fuckin adorable! There. I fuckin said it.

**Buffy's POV:**

I don't think I can take this much longer. Everyone is acting like everything's okay. And yes, Faith is going to be fine. She's doing okay, and she will be fine. She's been talking to people, which is great. It's a big step for her. That is good news and very smile-worthy. And Willow's fine, Xander's fine, Giles is fine, I'm sure as hell _Cordelia_ is A-okay. But I'm not. I am not fine. And excuse me for being selfish, but seriously, I've been suffering silently for months now. I really don't mean to sound like some stupid child, begging for attention, I really don't. It's just... I am not fine. I feel like I've been slowly drowning, like I'm suffocating, like I'm dying. Really...slowly. It's messed up that without her I am nothing. That without her, I feel like nothing. That what I live for right now, what keeps me going, are those few precious moments in the library when I see her. I keep telling myself I wasn't doing too bad before her. My life may not have been perfect, but I didn't feel like I was slowly dying. I keep telling myself that it shouldn't matter so much. That I can be fine without her, that I've done it before, I can do it again. But really... that's bullshit.

It's Friday and I've just finished patrol. Solo. As it has been for the past month. Solo patrol. And every single moment without her feels pointless to me. Buffy Summers, vampire slayer extraordinaire. Saving the world from oogie monsters and nasty apocalypses. It feels pointless.

But it's Friday and I've just finished patrol. And if I'm lucky, I may just bump into Faith at the Bronze.

I walk up to the Bronze, briskly, nervously. My body is tense from the anxiety of maybe seeing Faith. Maybe feeling that tingle that teases my spine and spreads through my body like a warm blanket. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up but no one can control these things. So I enter the Bronze, and I can't help the biggest smile forming on my face. She's here. Oh god, she's here, thank you.

I'm reassured that I really am an emotional wreck when tears start forming in my eyes. It's just that I miss her so much. Entering the Bronze and feeling her, the connection again, the relief wash through me... How can she do this to me.

I make my way towards the gang's usual table, unable to refrain from searching her out with my eyes anyway. Where is she?

"Buffster, hey!"

Xander scoots over on the couch and I sit down, still searching the crowd for her. I force a small smile at Willow and Xander.

"Hey guys." I mumble.

Where the hell is she? She's not on the dancefloor, I would've noticed already if she was. Maybe she's in the bathroom or something.

"So, is it just the three of us tonight?" I ask. Ofcourse I know Faith's here, but I don't want it to be too obvious.

"No, Faith went to the bathroom. I think Cordelia's stopping by later on. And Oz is getting ready to play." Willow smiles proudly at the mention of her boyfriend.

"Oh, well that's cool." I lean back in my seat, still fidgeting a little. God, I feel like a drug-addict or something.

"What's wrong, Buff?" Xander asks. "You seem... Tense?" He looks at Willow for her opinion.

"Um. Yeah, you have been kind of...wiggy lately." She surmises.

Still keeping the bathroom exit in the corner of my eye, I shrug.

"I'm fine." Liar.

It's obvious by the looks on their faces they don't believe me but don't want to push me either. I sigh, I don't want to hurt them.

"It's just... I dunno, lately I've been-.." I abruptly stop speaking when I catch a glimpse of black leather. I'm pushing my way towards the floor before I even realize it.

My heart pounding loudly in my chest, almost drowning out the heavy beat from the speakers, I automatically smile when I see her dancing a few feet away. I cherish the rush that flows through me by being so near to her. People are looking at me funny though, just standing in the middle of the dancefloor. Not..dancing.

I close my eyes and listen to the music. Feel the thump of the bass as if it were coming from within me. I feel her, I feel her energy. And I dance.

I dance as if I was dancing with her, my eyes are closed but it's like I know exactly what she's doing anyway. I can see her through my closed eyelids. As if it was just me and her. A bead of sweat makes its way down my forehead and I almost forget my hurt. I almost forget my pain. Because she's here, I'm here, and for a minute I can pretend we're actually together.

But then somebody accidentally bumps into me. I stumble forward, expecting to meet air. Instead I meet Faith. My eyes fly open and we quickly step away from eachother. How did we get so close? I'm panting, not because of the dance, but because of the moment my skin met hers. I feel like my body is on fire. I notice she's panting too. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again and again and again. She's beautiful. So beautiful.

As the music fades to nothing, we stand there in front of eachother. Our breathing starting to calm down. I'm not sure, but I might be trembling slightly. The slow warm hum of her presence shaking my very essence with how good it feels. We're standing so close to eachother but we're not touching. Just a tiny movement could change that though. She looks up when she hears a slow strum of a guitar. Another song has started up and it's a slow one. The people around us pair up or leave the dancefloor. She glances at me, then at her boots. Then back up at me. Then she steps back. No.

She was already turning around when I stopped her. She looks at my hand on hers. I didn't grab it, I just softly placed it on hers. Her deep and almost black pools settle on my face. Please don't go. I don't want her to go. I've tried so hard these past weeks to stay away from her but god... I need her. I just really need her right now. I can't even bear the thought of not being close to her right now. I can't. I don't want to do this. I don't want to force her into something she doesn't want. I stopped the words from coming from my mouth. I stopped myself from actually holding her hand. I stopped myself from pushing my lips against hers. I stopped myself from wrapping my arms around her and holding her and burying my face in her neck and breathing in her scent. But I can't stop myself from looking at her. I can't stop myself from silently begging her to stay with me. I can't stop myself from inwardly falling on my knees and crying out for her not to leave me. I'm breaking inside, I'm falling and I'm crying and screaming and hurting so much.

She turns back to me fully and lets my hand slip into hers. She understands. She knows I'm hurting. She doesn't know why. She just knows that I need to be close to someone. She doesn't know just how much it's _her_ I need. She steps closer to me and this time we're touching. She pulls me closer, I wrap my arms around her neck and rest my head on her bare shoulder. She places her hands on my lower back and we start to slowly rock back and forth to the music. Her warmth envelops me and it feels so right that it hurts. Because it's not right. I can't have her. And I can't stop myself from letting a tear make it's my way down my cheek and onto Faith's shoulder.

She freezes for a fraction of a second and then pulls me even closer. I hold her tighter and nuzzle into the her neck. I can't stop myself from breathing in her scent. I can't stop myself from shivering a little. She lets one of her hands travel up and down my back slowly, gently. In an effort to comfort. I can't stop another tear making it's way on Faith's skin. I feel her soft lips against my own shoulder. A whispered kiss. Soft, gentle, caring. I bury my face in Faith's neck and long brown mane. More tears. I'm trembling in her arms, silent sobs shaking through my body. I desperately cling to her as she wraps her arms around me. And I silently cry in her arms. Because I can't stop myself from loving her.

**Faith's POV:**

What's wrong with her? Holy fuck, why is she so sad? What the _fuck_ is wrong with her?

I hold her in my arms, while she cries on my shoulder. My eyes widen at the utter shock of how much she's hurting. How much pain she's in. I try to soothe her with soft touches but I feel helpless. It's the second time this happens and I am honestly scared to death. What's wrong with her? Someone tell me how to fucking make it better. I brush my cheek against her silky hair and... And I feel like crying. I'm not. And I _won't_. But I still feel like it. She's hurting _so_ fucking bad... The worry I have for her is all-consuming. Anything. I would do anything to make it better. I want to ask her what's wrong. I want to hold her against me as tight as I can and ask her what's wrong. I want to cry in front of her, fall on my knees and let her know how much I want to make it better. How much I want to kiss away her tears, hold her forever and stay in her arms until the end of time.

But I know she doesn't want that from me. She doesn't want anything from me. She's made that clear. I've missed her. Right now... I don't know what it is. It's gotta be really fucked up if she turns to _me_ with her pain. Fuck, she probably didn't mean for this to happen. She probably wishes that Red would be the one holding her. Or Angel. But she's in _my_ arms. She must really need this. And it scares me.

Suddenly, she freezes. The next second, she pushes me away, a look of disgust on her face. Clear for me to see.

"I..." She starts. She stumbles backwards.

"Buffy.." I don't know what I want to say. It's just... I look down at my boots. She hates me. I look back up, and I'm not surprised that she's gone.


	7. Truthful demons

**As requested a little recap:** ... Wow. I barely remember my own story. Ok, right. So I skimmed through the bastard. I don't know how you people do it. Anyways. Faith arrived at SunnyD and nothing bad happened. Everything was fine and she was getting along just great with everyone. Her and Buffy were doing one of those crazy teenage mating dances (basically just crushing on eachother and kinda flirting but too scared to admit it). At some point, an old friend of Faith (Mike) stops by for a visit or something. I didn't really have a plot for him though so I killed him off. And cuz I was probably feeling dramatic at the time, I made Angel kill him. Angel who came back from hell, you know? All animalistic and crap. So that just kinda screws everything up. Shoulda just left Mike outta the whole story damnit. So B&F are acting even weirder around eachother. Not communicating. And everyone knows communication is the key to any good relationship. Right? ...Right. Um...So Faith in particular is messed up (wouldn't you be?) and kinda trashes her motel room. Cordy then makes her stay at her big-ass mansion and Buffy's not too happy about that. .. That's about it I think. Oh, right, in the last one B&F were kinda dancing but then Buffy freaked out, cried and ran away. Blablabla... That's it. Oh and Cordy and Xander are not an item. ... Just because I like Buffy obsessing about stuff. Ooh and Buffy made clear to Angel that she didn't want his cold undead hands on her anymore. ...Okay so not exactly in those words... Sorry if I left any of the key elements out. Was this a completely useless recap and all I've established is that I suck at recaps? And I just totally put pointless info into this thing didn't I? You know what? I should just stop typing. Right about...now.

**Faith's POV:**

I make my way back to the couch and sigh when I see Cordelia staring at me thoughtfully. Don't tell me she saw that.

I purposefully choose the seat furthest from her and look away.

"Faith?" She asks.

What does she want from me? What does she want me to say? I clench my jaw to stop myself from doing or saying something stupid.

Willow nudges me and gestures towards Cordelia.

"What?" I bark.

They all look taken aback and I sigh yet again. Cordelia looks at me compassionately and then glances at the bathroom door. Then she gets up and walks away.

Whatever, man. Fuck this. Like I have a fucking clue what's going on. Like I have any answers to their questions.

"Although risking dismemberment, I have to ask...What's going on?"

"Xander..." Willow shakes her head at him. "It's..." She wiggles her fingers and looks pointedly from me to the bathroom.

"Oh. You mean the..." Xander mumbles conspiratorally and wiggles his fingers too.

"Yeah."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I snap.

They look at me, scared to death and that pisses me off even more.

"Screw this." I grab my jacket and leave.

Just a little over half an hour later, I'm kicking the shit outta some unlucky vamp. The seventh for tonight. You'd think these fuckers would learn not to mess with a pissed off slayer.

"First it's all cool, you know?" Punch in the gut, slide kick.

"Oomph." The vamp falls to the ground, breathless. He doesn't even breathe! Why make the 'I got all the air beat outta me'-sound?

"And then I almost think it's getting kinda warmer. Like she's got the hots for me."

The undead piece of shit gets back up and lunges at me. I easily step aside and kick him in the shin as he, yet again, falls on his ugly face.

"Argh!"

"I know. It's infuriating!" I lean against one of the tombstones as he grabs his shin in pain. "And then she just fuckin... avoids me. Like I have the worst case of BO."

I lift the undead wuss by his collar. "Do I smell bad to you?" I ask.

He opens his mouth, about to answer, and the smell is almost overwhelming. Shit. I shouldn't be asking a rotting corpse how I smell.

"Nevermind." And I stake him.

Fuck. Seven vamps and I still feel like crap. They're just getting way too easy these days. Giles'd kill me if he heard me say it, but I'm almost looking forward to some kind of apocalypse. These vamps are just wussing out on me. And patrol is just not the same without B.

I sigh.

Who am I kidding? I shove the stake back in my pocket and start walking again. No idea where I'm going. I know Cordy'll get worried if I don't get back by four. And she says she doesn't stay up waiting for me, but I know she does. Sunnydale chicks are insane, lemme tell ya.

Cordelia, for example. Daddy's little girl. High-society cheerleader with the biggest mansion I've ever seen. The girl could be cruising through life. But she chooses something else. She chooses not to just close her eyes and ignore the freaky shit going on in SunnyD. She chooses to actually help out in saving the world, risking a nail or two while doing so. She chooses to like a white trash piece of shit like me and take me in after I fucked up my motel room. And is it me or do I sound like that dude from Trainspotting? Anyway, it's all cool for now, while 'daddy' is out on some business trip or somethin. But she said I could stay as long as I wanted, even after her dad gets back. She said her dad shouldn't be a problem, but even if he does decide he doesn't want some low-life little slut like me in his house, she'll make sure he changes his mind.

And I believe her. Girl has wicked persuasion skills. But I don't want it to get that far. I've been scoping Sunnyhell out for somewhere else to stay. I've been taking a few odd little jobs so I can get outta Cordy's hair as soon as possible. I like her too much to let her get into trouble cuz of me.

I kick an imaginary rock outta the way but freeze as I hear something.

"Who does she think she is, anyway? What right does she have to presume she knows how I feel? What right does she have to tell me what I can or can not do?" I hear a familiar voice rant.

"Look, Slayer... Maybe-..Ungh!" The other voice grunts and I hear sounds of a struggle. "Maybe you should just take it out on her instead of me?"

What the hell?

I sneak through a woody patch of the cemetery and push a branch away to see Buffy casually flinging a vampire against a headstone.

"But see, she's human. And she might be evil in my eyes, but I don't think SunnydalePD would agree with me on that." She sighs and strolls towards the groaning vampire. "Get up." She orders.

"But you'll just beat me back down."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Wh-... I-... It hurts!"

"It hurts! It hurts! You don't know what pain is! Do you have any idea how much pain I've been through the past month? Do you!" B almost screams at the now terrified vamp.

"I can't help it you're in love with th-.." Buffy interrupts him by shoving mister Pointy in his chest. "Ow..." And poof.

Buffy just stands there, staring at the grass for a while, and then she shakes her head.

"Stupid Cordy." She mumbles. Then she looks up, straight in my direction. Damn Slayer connection. "Faith?" She whispers uncertainly.

I briefly consider stepping out the shadows but decide against it. It would be too awkward I think. I need to think all this shit over. I quickly but carefully back-track through the trees and haul ass as soon as I get to flat terrain. I run all the way to the other side of town. For some reason I just keep running, not even slowing down. As I sprint through Rosegarden cemetery, I finally screech to a halt. Hey, I always had a soft spot for vamps.

The two dustpinãtas guffaw at eachother as I walk over to them. Idiots. Thinking they've got a nice little snack. When I'm barely a few feet away from them, the shorter one stops laughing.

"Holy shit, Bob, it's one of those psycho dyke slayers!"

What the_ fuck_?

The vamp that recognized me hastily tries to run away but stumbles over his own feet.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Emilio?" The taller one asks, although he's slowly backing away from me too.

Man, I don't know which one's dumber. By now, Emilio has gotten up and he's just running as fast as his mouldy little undead legs can carry him.

"Run, you stupid fuck!" He screeches behind him. "They're crazy!"

I've met funny vampires in my life, but these ones are hilarious. Bobby is shaking and still backing away from me in slow-mo. Like if he moves really slow, he'll turn invisible or something.

I take one step towards him and he freezes. We stand there looking at eachother for a few seconds. I take another sudden step closer and he stumbles back, probably pissing his pants. He looks up at me from the grass, his lower lip trembling. I lean forward.

"Boo."

He holds his hands in front of his face, his eyes tightly shut, and screams. Like a little girl, if I might add.

"Don't beat me!"

I chuckle at his sheer wussiness and shake my head. Fuck, I'm such a kick-ass slayer. But wait.

"What did your friend call me?" I ask him.

He cautiously opens his eyes and peers at me from behind his arms.

"A slayer?" He croaks out.

I shake my head.

"What did he say exactly?"

He stares at me, scared shitless and confused as fuck.

"...Holy shit, Bob, it's one of the psycho dyke slayers?" He mimics and quickly shuts his eyes again and jerks back.

Huh. One of the psycho dyke slayers. ... There's two of us now?

"And why would he say that?" I ask him.

He opens his eyes again incredulously. I nod at him.

"Because... you're superstrong and fast and-"

"Not that part. The dyke part. The part where he says _one_ of the psycho dyke slayers. Who's the other one?" I snap.

I think I actually hear him whimper and his eyes dart around the cemetery, desperate for someone to come and save his sorry ass.

"I-... I dunno."

I take another menacing step near to him and he screams again.

"Okay, okay! The other one is that little blonde! And you're psycho dyke slayers because you obviously have some kind of thing going on between you but you don't want to face it so you take it out on us!"

Well...

"You think Buffy's into me?"

The vamp finally drops his arms and stares at me like I'm a complete idiot. I don't appreciate that. But I need an answer before I stake him.

"Yes! Damn, slayer, all that muscle and no brain?"

Yeah, he's a goner. I swoop down to him with my 'superspeed' and he's dust before he can say 'duh'.

"Asshole."

**Buffy's POV:**

"Bitch."

Cordy, that is.

At some point, when Faith was holding me, I realized how selfish I was being. I mean, Faith has been through so much shit and I'm the one breaking down? God, how egocentric can I be? I disgust me. So I pulled away. I didn't exactly know where to go so I went to the safe heaven for women all over the world.

The girl's bathroom.

Ofcourse, it's not all that safe when you're running away from a girl. I was just about to sneak out of the bathroom and sneak out of the Bronze completely when Cordelia bursts through the door. Looking pissed, bitchy and in short Cordeliesque.

She dramatically points at me.

"You."

She's seething. Which is scary. But I'm a slayer damnit.

"I don't need your shit right now, Cordelia."

I take one last look at my pitiful face in the mirror and walk towards the exit. She's blocking it but she'll step out of my way any second now. I'm stronger than her anyway. And a pissed-off Cordy isn't all that scary. Alright, just a few steps away. She'll let me pass. See, I'll just glare at her and she'll wuss out and step out of my way. Just three more steps. She's bluffing. She'll step aside any second now.

I'm standing right in front of her now. She'll step aside. If I just keep glaring at her.

... Any second now.

"I'm not moving." She says icily.

Damn it! Fine, I give up. She's scary.

"What do you want?" I sigh.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I lower my gaze at the bathroom floor. So she saw what happened, huh?

"I-... I don't know." I didn't mean to, but that came out a whisper. What the heck? I'm a slayer. I'm not afraid of her. And she has no right to be judging me. I know I was wrong but damn it, give me a break. "You know what, Cordy, I'm gonna give you five seconds to get out my way. Whatever you think is going on, don't worry, it's not anymore. So just shut the hell up and let me through!"

She actually has the nerve to laugh! I clench my fists tightly and I punch her. Over and over and over again until she's bleeding on the floor.

...In my head, anyway.

"Ohh, I get it." Her laugh dies. "You're trying to 'get over her'. Is that it, Buffy? Well, I hate to break it to you, little miss drama queen, but it sure as hell isn't working! And while you're being your tortured self-righteous self, you're hurting the woman you love, dumbass!"

"I-... I don't lo-"

"Yes you do."

I do.

"Just because you obviously have major issues, doesn't mean you have to rip her heart out, okay? You think you can just stop loving her like that? You think that if you keep running away from her, you'll stop loving her? Newsflash, Buffy: It doesn't work that way. Forget her? Hah! I dare you to forget her, Buffy. I fucking _dare_ you. I dare you to forget how she bites her lower lip when she's nervous or anxious. I dare you to forget how, even with the make-up and outfit and the attitude, when she _smiles_, she lights up the _room_. I dare you to forget how to _you_, she probably lights up the _world_! I dare you to fucking forget the way she looks at you. How that special way her eyes twinkle, how she smiles just that little bit brighter, how the back of her ears turn just that tiny bit pinker because of YOU. For YOU. I dare you to fucking forget, Buffy Summers, because _I've tried_. And I'd just love to see _you_ try. I fucking dare you."

And with that, she walks away.

"Bitch."

I zip up my jacket from the unusually cold breeze and wander through the dark cemetery.

"I dare you, Buffy. I dare you!" I mimic Cordy's annoying voice. I kick the headstone in front of me.

Shit.

I quickly run over to where the broken off part of the headstone flew. I grab the big piece and nervously look around the cemetery. I practically desecrated a grave!

Okay...okay. Calm down. Do I have glue? Ofcourse not, damn it.

Um...

I attempt to just place the piece back on the headstone. Yay! It's standing. Sure, any old breeze or perhaps even an unusually large fly could make it topple back off. But I'll just come back first thing in the morning with tools and fix it up. With tools I mean glue. I'm a slayer not a... handyman? Whatever.

"Well, well, well... What do we have here?"

I turn around to find two seedy looking vampires grinning.

"Looks like we got ourselves a disrespectful vandalist." The bearded one answers his friend.

"Disrespectful vandalist slayer." I correct him. "Wait-... no. I'm not a vandalist! Or...disrespectful. Shut up!"

The two chuckle and Beardy shrugs.

"Don't matter. You'll be dead in a minute."

"Wow. So I'll actually dust you in less than a minute, huh?" I take a step nearer the two and wrap my fingers firmer around my stake.

"Well... You can try." The one to the right smiles and then lunges at me.

Expecting this, I duck and throw him over my shoulder. Beardy advances on me with a switchblade.

"You're a hot little number too, aren't ya, slayer?" He licks his lips and I can't help but roll my eyes.

Just when he launches at me, I step aside and make him bump against vamp number two who was not so subtly sneaking up on me from behind.

"You caught me at a real bad time, boys. I've been having some issues lately, you know?" I grab the bearded one and knee him in the groin. "Ever met someone so incredibly annoying? Thinking she knows everything?"

I fling him to nameless vamp who was trying to get up and they scramble away from eachother, looking way less confident than thirty seconds ago.

"It's like I had this...this thing with Faith at the Bronze, right?"

I take a punch from nameless- maybe I'll call him Fred, he looks like a Fred- vamp but quickly kick him in the gut and throw a flurry of punches.

"It doesn't even have anything to _do_ with Cordelia, but she just thinks she has to butt into everything. I get that I messed up with Faith but I don't need _her_ to tell me that."

I attack Beardy and barely break a sweat before I swiftly dust his hairy ass.

"Who does she think she is, anyway? What right does she have to presume she knows how I feel? What right does she have to tell me what I can or can not do?" I grab Fred and punch him a couple of times.

"Look, Slayer... Maybe-..Ungh!" He grunts, stumbles back and almost on his ass but I grab him by his collar. "Maybe you should just take it out on her instead of me?"

Who? Cordy? Right. I wish. I throw Fred away and my shoulders sag down in frustration.

"But see, she's human. And she might be evil in my eyes, but I don't think SunnydalePD would agree with me on that." I sigh and go over to Fred. "Get up."

He looks up at me uncertainly.

"But you'll just beat me back down."

Well... duh.

"What's wrong with that?" His eyes widen.

"Wh-... I-... It hurts!"

"It hurts! It hurts! You don't know what pain is! Do you have any idea how much pain I've been through the past month? Do you!" I scream at him and hover threateningly above him.

...Where did that come from?

"I can't help it you're in love with th-.." Shut up! "Ow..." And poof.

"Stupid Cordy."

God, I need to get some sleep or something. I can't keep doing this... Suddenly I notice a tingle in my spine and adrenaline rushes back in me, like it always does when...

"Faith?" I turn around towards a little concentration of trees. Is she there? I squint my eyes, trying to see something, anything, in the shadows of the trees. But no such luck.

Just when I'm about to investigate closer, the presence suddenly fades and my initial adrenaline rush dissolves.

Damn it.


	8. Mistletoe and paint

**Author's note: Wrote this one in a rush. Also, FORGET the BTVS timeline. I did. By the way, I think I figured out what a beta is. Is that someone who reads your stories before you post 'em and then tells you what they think about it? Do betas check for typos or grammatical errors? Cuz seriously, I need one. If someone knows how in the hell you're sposed to find a willing beta, e-mail me!**

**Buffy's POV:**

"I just don't understand how this can happen..."

And I really can't.

My mom sighs and nods her head slowly.

"I know, honey. But these things... They just happen. You know?"

But why now? And why to me? This is it. What finally makes me crack. I'm barely eighteen, I can't handle all of this.

"What's going on?"

Dawn breezes in the kitchen blissfully ignorant. Oh how I long for those innocent days. My mom carefully looks from Dawn to me and back. I close my eyes in submission. I can't stand to hear the words.

"Well...Dawn. Sweetie,... We seem to be out of yoghurt."

The pain hits me like one of those icy spike things through the heart. The kitchen is silent, all of us in speechless despair. But I refuse to cry, I won't have it. I shakily let out a breath to control myself.

"Oh, well are there Cheerios?" Dawn chipperly asks.

Chipperly? That's not right.

"We're out of yoghurt, Dawn." I repeat. She mustn't have heard right. Who gives a damn about yucky Cheerios when there is not a drop of yoghurt to be found?

Dawn, my lovely little sister, rolls her eyes. She grabs a seat by the counter and takes hold of the Cheerio box. She tauntingly waves it at me.

"I don't care." She sings.

"Dawn, honey, let's try and be more understanding of Buffy and her-..." My own mother hesitates and gives me a strange look. "-.. attachment to yoghurt."

"Eww... Who wants yoghurt for breakfast anyway? Well, ok, maybe in the summer but not in the winter. That's just insane. It's too cold for yoghurt. Not that...it actually gets cold here. It's just-..." She looks at me helplessly.

This is the part where I roll my eyes.

I roll my eyes.

"Whatever. I think I'm starting to understand Faith's lightweight comment." She sticks out her tongue.

That little-..!

"Mom!" I turn to my mom for help.

Hey, if Dawn can be four, I can be six.

"Girls, aren't you getting a little old for these games? Maybe I should rethink whether or not I should let your friends come over on Christmas." She dangerously warns.

"Mom, no!" I immediately respond.

She can't take away Christmas. I've been looking forward to it for like...ever.

Xander, Willow, Oz and I were talking about what we were going to do on Christmas a while ago. We were just hanging out at the bleachers, supposedly watching Cordelia practice. Well...I guess Xander really _was_ watching. This was a while ago, you understand.

Anyway, Oz was going to be at a big family thing all winter break. Willow was going to work on some extra credit. And Xander saw himself hiding out in the basement until his crazy family drooped off.

Me? Mom, Dawn and me were just going to open presents and hang out all day. Pig out at lunch, watch some movies,... Just hang.

_My_ Christmas was unanimously voted least likely to suck.

Then we started talking about the others and what they would be doing for Christmas. We figured Giles would just do what he does every other day and only figure out it was Christmas until he saw one of us again. And then it got us thinking if Giles ever got lonely. And that was depressing.

So we moved on to Cordelia. Xander said she was heading over to Spain with her parents for Christmas. When we asked Xander if he thought she felt bad about not spending Christmas at home, he started laughing. What do you think he meant by that?

Then, although she was the first on _my_ mind, Faith came up.

"Hah. She'll probably be at the Bronze!" Xander chuckled.

Willow gave a little laugh and smiled.

"Yeah." Her eyes widened. "Or at one of those other, wilder, clubs she goes to."

And then I decided to voice something that had been bothering me for a hell of a long time.

"But...Do you guys think she has any family or anything?"

A combination of blank and thoughtful looks passed over my friends. Not like anyone could blame them. Faith wasn't exactly known for her talkativeness when it came to her family.

"Well..." Willow began. She had her research look going on so I got a little worried. "Hasn't she told you...anything?"

They all stared at me, waiting for an answer, like they were all thinking the same thing. Hadn't she told me anything?

"Well..." I looked at each of them. "I-..."

I'm not a very good public speaker.

"Okay, so she hasn't told _anyone anything _about her family? Or even whether or not she has one?" Xander asks incredulously.

"Didn't anyone ever ask?" Willow added. "I know _I_ did, but she always evaded or changed the subject or-..."

"- absolutely ignored my existence!" I finish.

So it's _not_ just with me!

"Exactly." Xander agrees. "And I thought she just didn't want to talk about it with _me_."

Sneaky Faith.

"She doesn't wanna talk about it with anyone." Oz concludes.

That is both relieving and disturbing. Willow is looking at me with puppy dog eyes.

"Buffy! That is so sad!" She actually whimpers a little.

"If only she was with me..."

"What?" Xander asks.

Er... If... only she was with me? That sounds about right.

Wait... Oh crap.

"If only _all _of you were with me."

Xander watches me curiously.

"With you?"

"In my house." I nod. "On Christmas."

"Oh."

Phew. Good save.

Willow then suddenly lights up completely.

"Oh my god, Buffy, that's perfect!" She jumps up on her knees and grabs my arm, excitedly hopping up and down. "If we could all spend Christmas day just being with friends and family-."

"...and not absolutely hating it." Xander adds.

"And not absolutely hating it. Wouldn't it be great to hang out with the gang and Dawnie and your mom and ooh, Giles!" Willow exclaims.

Oh my god. That _would_ be great! And then maybe Faith would open up more. Maybe she'd want to stay. Maybe there'll be lots of mistletoe and-...

"I'm sorry I can't make it." Oz says.

"Oh, right! I forgot!" Willow gasps and then deflates in disappointment.

Oz smiles and hugs her.

"I just really have to go to this family thing."

Will nods in the hug.

"I know, I know. It's just..."

"I know."

They break the hug but Oz keeps his arm around Willow's shoulders. They're so cute together.

"Well wasn't that just absolutely gag-worthy?" Xander says in mock disgust. "Ofcourse I'm afraid my lovely Cordelia will barely notice my absence in Spain. Who knows, she might find some other-... Are Spanish guys hot?"

I give it a few seconds thought and then nod. Xander groans in distress.

"Noo! I'll be single again by New Year!"

Hah. It was a lot sooner than that. It's not even Christmas yet and he's already all by his lonesome. Poor guy. I have no doubt he'll find a nice girl some day though. I think he'll be quite a catch all grown up. I just won't be fishing for him.

Anyway, but that was how we thought of the plan. The Christmas plan. We thought it would be nice to have everyone come over Christmas morning and we all unwrap gifts together.

"You know I love cheese but even _that's _pushing it, B."

Three guesses to whose reaction that was on the plan. She went into a lengthy 'Ode to Gouda' after that. Nevertheless, I got Faith to think about it. Or at least I got her to tell me she'd think about it. Ofcourse that was way back in the beginning of November so I doubt she remembers. On the...tenth of December.

I would.

But as I was saying...

"Mom, you can't take away Christmas. Everyone's already coming!"

Dawn swallows a disgusting mouthful of chunky Cheerios and raises her spoon in the air.

"Do I have to get presents for them?" Mom ignores her and raises an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, really? Well do you have any RSVP's? Do they know what time they should be here? And who exactly _is_ coming over?" She triumphantly asks.

Checkmate.

Not that I know how to play chess. Willow tried to teach me once. Hey, it wasn't as bad as when she tried to teach Faith. Faith has sharp things. She twiddled most of her pawns in miniature stakes. I'm an honor chess student compared to her, I swear.

"Well, Xander's coming. Willow's coming. Oz is not coming. And Cordelia's not coming." ...How amused would Faith be if she heard me say this?

I see Dawn's back shaking slightly with laughter. Oh god no...

"Buffy..." Mom says impatiently.

"Fine." I give in. "Fine. I'll make sure to have a decent plan by next week."

Nothing.

"By Wednesday?"

"I want to know exactly who is coming, when they're coming, what you plan to do and what you expect from me by _Sunday_ evening. Deal?"

I think it over.

"Deal."

**Faith's POV:**

Things are pretty tense.

The gang is barely ever complete anymore and whenever me and B are together... It's weird. I don't know what it means.

Speaking of B and the gang, they're in class. I could look them up if I wanted to. Buffy, Xander and Cordelia have Home Ec while Will and Oz brain it at Advanced Computers.

I didn't really mean to memorize their schedules. It's just that I hang out at the school a lot. I just kinda figured it out and it stuck in my head.

On Mondays, you can find Xander playing with wood at sixth period. You'll find him at the end of the east wing. Woodshop. On Thursdays, Queen C has third period Drama. You'll find her painting her nails in the classroom next to the auditorium in the west wing.

Ofcourse Wednesdays are my favorite. That's when B has gym and I hang out at the bleachers.

Yeah, baby!

B totally thinks I'm a perv.

The first time I discovered magic Wednesdays was when I got lost in the school. It was way in the beginning and a scooby meeting just finished. So I hung back a little at the library and then decided to head back to my place. I realized I was lost when I passed the cafeteria for the fifth time.

So I decided to pay more attention to my surroundings instead of just walking around blindly. I slowed my pace and looked around the hallway I was in. I passed a couple of double doors with windows in them. I just wanted to get the hell outta the school, I didn't give a fuck what was going on inside. But there was definitely movement inside and I glanced in.

And that's when I smacked against the wall.

Hot chicks running and jumping around in the gym! What? I have great appreciation for the beauty of the female species. We're fucking hot, man.

I snuck into the gym and found myself a nice little out of the way place to watch the show. One group of girls were playing volleyball and another one was just running laps. It's not like I'm really that intrigued by boobs flopping all around or anything. Cuz to be totally honest, I was just watching Buffy most of the time anyway. And though she's fucking hot, her rack isn't exactly the most floppable.

I like watching her move, I like watching her laugh, I just like watching her.

"Faith? What are you doing here?"

Shit. I lost my eye on her to watch how they took care of one girl who got hit by the volleyball. And now she's standing there, looking up at me.

What am I doing here?

"I was just chilling, B." I reply.

She quirks an eyebrow, not entirely sure she's content with that answer. This was way in the beginning, remember?

"Well can you blame me, B? There are some hot girls in your school, you know?"

And that was the first time she actually choked because of something I said. Good times.

Fuck it. Today, the only reason I'm at the school is cuz Giles asked me to stop by. Did he sound pissed? Fuck, I don't remember, I was watching TV.

But yeah, it's not like I wanna be here. I really don't wanna run into anyone. Except maybe Cordy. Not that I'd mind bumping into Xan, Willow or Wolfboy. It's just that they're usually around Buffy. And I don't wanna bump into her. Well not really. Not completely anyway. If you'd switch that b with an h, you'd have yourself a willing volunteer. I'll hump B any time.

Almost did a couple of times.

But let's not get into that right now. What's up with Giles? It's not the first time he's called and asked me to come over. Just not alone. Alone with him.

No. Don't go there. Dontgothere.

It's just Giles. It's Watcherman. G-man. Tweedy. Rupe.

Right.

If you ask me though, the whole concept of old British men watching some young girl all the time is pretty pervy.

But where was I?

Library.

"You rang, Rupert?" I call out.

"Oh, yes. Faith, I'll be out in a moment." I hear him mumble from somewhere in the back. He must really be busy with something, he didn't even mention me calling him Rupert.

I squeeze my right hand in the backpocket of my jeans and pull out the IQ test Giles gave me to fill out. I hop up on the counter and lean back, idly looking around the area.

"You sure know how to keep a girl waiting there, G." I remind him of my presence.

Sure enough, just moments later, he emerges from between the bookcases.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Faith. I was just finishing up with something."

"New batch o' demon books?" I hop off the counter and follow him in his office.

"No, no. New batch of Physics actually." He sits down behind his desk and stamps a book a couple of times. "Thank you for coming on such short notice but something has come up. Something that I feel should be discussed with you so we can plan a course of action."

He gestures for me to sit down in the chair in front of him and I cross my arms, leaning against his table. I think I know what this is about.

"I didn't do it, you know." I look him straight in the face and wait for lightning to strike me down.

...Nothing.

He quirks an eyebrow and leans back in his chair.

"Oh?"

Oh? That's it? Oh? At least gimme something to work with, G.

"I didn't." I repeat.

He studies me for a moment and he actually succeeds to almost make me feel a little bit guilty.

But that asshole had it coming!

"Everything seems to point your way. Don't you find that strange, Faith?"

It can't be. I made sure no one saw me. I made absolutely sure! I've done worse shit than this in Boston and now I get caught for _this_ in Sunnydale? No fucking way.

Shit. You know what? Fuck that. It's not like it's the end of the fucking world or anything. At the end of the day, I'm with the good guys. Who's gonna cry over some midgety old fat dude with bad fashion sense?

"Damnit, Giles, so I TP'd his house, alright? I TP'd Snyder's house and I don't care. Guy had it coming, G, and you know it. And it's not like I really damaged any of his property or anything! Except for that one gnome."

"Gnome?"

"A decorative one. For in the garden, you know?"

"Oh."

"Yeah. So what's the big fucking deal? Okay so I wasted perfectly good toilet paper. But Snyder got some exercise cleaning it up and the neighborhood got a good laugh watching him do it. So what's the big deal?" I stand in front of his desk defiantly.

He stares at me silently.

"Well?" I ask him.

His eyes bore into mine and still not a word. And then he smirks. Which turns into a full-out smile. Which turns into a deep belly laughter.

What the fuck?

I stand frozen in his office watching him laughing his British ass off. Finally, the old man calms down and he takes off his glasses. Wiping at his eyes this time before wiping his glasses a little and placing them back on his face.

"You alright, now, G?" I ask him, eyebrow raised.

He smiles softly and nods.

"Faith. Please, sit down. I believe I have some explaining to do."

I cautiously lower myself on the old chair and slouch down, still eyeing him.

"You sure do, Lucy." I mumble.

"Well, first of all, let me begin by saying that this has absolutely nothing to do with your juvenile little pranks. As part of the staff of this school I do however greatly dissapprove of your actions and should probably fill in the principal." He pauses and smiles again as he sees the indifferent look on my face.

"As your Watcher, it is none of my concern. And as your friend, which I hope I am, I find the whole thing quite amusing."

Hehe, Giles is pretty cool.

"Thanks, Rupe." I respond. "But seriously. What's this thing about then?"

"Ah, yes. Let's cut to the chase. Good idea." He opens a drawer and takes out a white envelope. He places it between him and me on the desk.

"I received this letter today from the Counsel. I had been awaiting it's arrival for quite some time now." He slides the envelope towards me.

This can't be good.

**Buffy's POV:**

What's Faith doing here?

I block out the French teacher's droning and try to concentrate on the slayer connection.

She's... moving. In the neigborhood but not neccesarily in the school. Oh wait... Yeah, she's in the school.

I shiver slightly when my freaky sixth slayer sense finally pinpoints her. She's in the library. I check the clock.

Argh, still half an hour.

It wasn't long after Faith arrived in Sunnydale that the whole Slayer connection came up. It wasn't like we could just ignore it. It was pretty obvious to both of us.

Sometimes I tell Will or Xander if I feel her nearing. But mostly I like to keep it to myself. Like today.

Ofcourse it happens that she just stops by and then leaves before I see her. Those times suck. And I get really moody until I see her again. And when I finally do catch up with her, it's like I'm mad at _her_ for making me moody.

The gang is practially split in half. Whereas it used to consist of Faith, Willow, Oz, Xander, Cordelia and me. Now it's Faith and Cordelia. And _seperate_ from that, the rest of us. Although Faith still hangs out with the guys regularly.

It's Cordelia's fault. I swear. I think. A little. She knows how I feel about Faith and wants me to sort it out. And for some reason she thinks keeping Faith away from me will help me do that. Or maybe... What if Faith's the one avoiding me?

What if I freaked her out too much? What if she hates me even more now? Oh. My. God.

I raise my hand. I am determined to get out of this class and sort things out with Faith in the library right now.

"Buffy, what are you doing?" Willow asks next to me.

"I need to go the library." I whisper. She looks at me strangely.

"Okay. But why are you putting your hand up? And why are you whispering?"

What kinda questions are that? I look around me pointedly to help her realize that we're in-... an empty classroom. What the hell? I must've been really into my thoughts. Weird.

"Nevermind. Let's go." I answer and gather all my things in lightning speed. I drag Will out of the class and head towards the library.

I'm too pumped up and the hallway is too chaotic to just calm down and feel whether Faith's still there so I just work my way through all the teens and hope for the best.

"Are you going to ask Giles about Christmas?" Willow asks unsurely as I shove aside some jock.

"That was Gavin! The Razorbacks' star quarterback!" Willow informs me, horrified.

Yeah, yeah. It's not like I broke his arm.

"You must be really excited about Christmas." Will comments.

Alright, the library is straight ahead. Now I'll know whethere she's here or not.

And...

She's not. Crap.

It's completely empty except for Giles and now us too I guess. He's standing behind the counter, with the 'Best Librarian in the World'-mug I gave him. I think he prefers his little teacups but someone left his set in the weapon's cage for some reason and Oz kinda trashed it at the last full moon.

Shame.

"Goodmorning, girls. I wasn't expecting you until after school." He stirs his tea and smiles.

I finally let go of Willow's arm and approach the counter.

"Aren't two girls allowed to visit their favorite librarian anymore?" I ask and dump my bookbag on the floor next to the counter.

"Ofcourse they are. Especially if they're returning one, if any, of their long overdue books."

"Aha!"

Not this time, Bookman! Has Buffy Summers got something for you!

I grab my bag and take out an oversized book I found in my room. I have absolutely no idea how it got there but it's huge so it can't possibly be mine. I'm hoping it's Giles'.

He places his mug on the counter and I hand him the book. He takes hold of it with both hands turning it the right side up, humming thoughtfully.

I share a knowing look with Willow and roll my eyes.

"This is your last year History book." Giles says incredulously after a moment.

I shrug. I didn't know that. Well I guess that explains all the clocks on the cover. I was wondering about that.

"How did you ever pass that class?" Willow asks me, shocked.

I shrug again.

"How did I miss this?" Giles is looking really... bamboozled. Not sure what that word means but that's what he looks like right now. I was going with baffled but it doesn't seem quite right.

He takes out an even _huger_ book and starts leafing through it.

"You know, it might be easier to keep all these records on the computer." Willow comments.

Giles pauses but doesn't look up. Willow glances at me nervously.

"Which you have."

I raise my eyebrows at the unmoving Giles. Did he break?

"But never use." Willow tries again.

I then notice that Giles isn't even looking at the book anymore. He's staring at a bunch of crumply, withered, folded pages on the counter next to it.

"But don't really need to. Books are fine. Written things, hurrah. Computers are evil. Buffy stop me."

I place a hand on Will's back and smile a comforting smile.

"Yes, yes...Evil." Giles finally mumbles as he slides the books out of the way and unfolds the tattered pages.

Willow and I watch as he stares at the pages wide-eyed. He glances from me to the Willow and then places the pages on the counter, front down.

"Er...Buffy." He grabs the book I gave him and hands it back. "It shouldn't take you too long to find it's proper spot. The History books are in the furthest row, I believe."

I mutely stare at the book for a few seconds and then accept it. He's never asked me to return books in their place. Ofcourse...come to think of it, I'm not sure I've returned any books before.

I pause a little, holding the book.

Sure, Giles. By the way, have you seen Faith?

"Sure, Giles. By the way,... Uh. I was meaning to ask you something. If maybe... I just wanted to know if you-..."

"- would like to spend Christmas at Buffy's house?" Willow finishes for me.

Incorrectly.

"Well... I..." Giles begins.

As I contemplate whether or not there was a chance I was going to finish my sentence in the first place, Giles stutters about helplessly.

"...-and so I had contemplated perhaps-...-and no Shepherd's Pie-... -disturbing turkey fascination-..."

"It's with Buffy and Dawn and Mrs Summers and Xander and me and Faith!" Willow elaborates. "Well we're not sure about Faith yet. Have you seen her?"

Suddenly Willow gasps and glances at me worried. Giles watches apparently just as clueless as Willow acts like she's just murdered someone.

It's been like this for a while now. I guess she noticed the strange effect mentioning Faith had on me. Which has lately not been a good one.

Hey, I don't mind now. She asked if Giles has seen Faith.

"Oh, well... That sounds wonderful. Christmas at the Summers sounds absolutely lovely. I wouldn't miss it for the world, Buffy. Thank you for inviting me."

"Er... Yeah. That's... great. Yeah, you're welcome. We'd love to...have you there." I squint my eyes suspiciously. Did he just evade the question?

"The book, Buffy?" He gestures at the book in my hand.

Is he trying to get rid of me? Does he need to speak to Willow? Alone? About Faith?

Well...I know when I'm not wanted.

"Right." I glance from him to Willow and back. "Right, right. Back row, eh?"

I'm just gonna go and return the book and leave them with their secret little meetings.

"Yes. Back row. Quite right." Giles uncomfortably says.

Look at him trying to be sneaky. Hah! But that's alright. I'm mature.

I walk up the steps and between the rows of bookcases.

Oh, no. I forgot what row he said this belongs. Oops. Maybe it's in that row over there. The one where I could hear everything said at the counter without being seen. Yes, I think I'll take a look over there first.

"I knew it!" I heard Willow excitedly whisper. "She couldn't be stupid."

...Huh?

"Yes, quite. Nevertheless even _I_ didn't expect such a result." Giles whispers back softly.

"So what do you want me to do?"Willow asks.

"Well I have pondered about Faith and her rather shortcoming school carreer." I hear him walking around a little. "I've approached Faith on the matter several times with no succes. I rather feel we'll have to be...Well. I think we'll have to be rather sneaky about it to be honest."

Wait wait wait... Let me get this straight. Those papers somehow showed something about Faith's intelligence. Apparently she's not stupid.

I don't really think any of us thought she was stupid. Just that she didn't go to school alot. Which kinda gave her a disadvantage at some times. But barely. I'll personally visit, laugh at and kick the ass of the first hypocrite who calls Faith stupid.

Anyway so now Giles is approaching Willow on how to make Faith do something with her smarts? Are they trying to get her back into school? Good luck.

Faith's stubborn. They've got no chance in hell.

I dump the book on the shelf and make my way back downstairs.

"Got it." I lie and get my bag. "Wills, we gotta go or we'll miss English."

"Right. Um. Right. Well Giles..." She grabs her own bag and widens her eyes at Giles, apparently trying to relay some sort of message. Probably related to the Faith thing.

She is doing one crappy job though, Giles looks like he did the first time I was babbling to him. Blank.

"We'll uh..." She scrunches her nose and raises her eyebrows meaningfully. But that meaning is not getting through. And Wills is definitely not of the sneaky. "We'll see you later."

"Right." I say, pretending not to notice their 'covert' operation. "And don't forget Christmas. We're opening presents and I'm impatient so be there at six. In the morning." I add.

"I'll be there at ten."

"Deal. Bye, Giles."

"Bye, Giles." Willow gives Giles one last 'sneaky' look and we leave the library.

"Wow. So uh, that's great that Giles is gonna be there, huh?" She says as we walk towards our English class.

"Yup. Fantastic." I agree. I then decide to tease Will a lil'. Will a lil'. Get it? Whatever. "So what were you and Giles talking about?"

She freezes in her tracks and giggles nervously. All the blood in her cheeks dissappears but then returns in ten-fold.

"Will? What's wrong?"

"We...were...talking about..." She could start hyperventilating. Her eyes dart around and it looks like she'll either pass out or cry. ...Or both.

She could say anything right now. They could have been talking about the Christmas thing. They could have been talking about books. Magic. Demons. School. Computers.

Anything.

But according to my best friend, Willow Rosenberg, the smartest girl in the school, they were talking about...

"Paint."

Paint? That's disappointing. She could've at least said something more interesting. Paint?

"Paint, Willow?" I sigh, lower my head and shake it dissappointedly.

And I walk away.

"What? We were talking about paint." I hear her call after me.

Paint.

**Faith's POV:**

Holy shit.

Holy fucking shit. What in the flapping fuck just happened?

What am I gonna do? Shit, I don"t know what to do.

I stop at the corner of the street and look at the envelope in my hand. I take out the neatly folded letter and skim to the part that completely fucks me up.

'We are pleased to inform you that the proposal has been approved and an account has been opened for Faith Spencer with you, Mr Giles, as her guardian.'

That's not even it yet.

'We have also taken the liberty of arranging proper living arrangements for miss Spencer at the below mentioned address.'

I look at the key they enclosed with the letter and trace it with my fingers. Is this the key to my place? My own place. Will holding this key feel familiar, like home after time? And should I buy a PS2 or wait for the PS3?

All these important questions, it's making my head hurt.

So the Counsel finally decided to do something good. I guess they were really appreciative with that last apocalypse. Those crazy winged dyke demons _were_ pretty fucked up. Kinda sexy. But fucked up.

I check the address in the letter again.

62 Sariza Lane. That's in the good side of town. I wonder whether I should check it out right now.

I could. And I _am_ curious. But it feels like a big deal. And I dunno... I feel like... Almost like I should-...Oh god. I feel like I should share it with someone!

What the _fuck_?

I stare at the key for a while. Who do I want to share this with?

I sigh.

I have to go back to the school.


	9. Obvious

**Buffy's POV:**

Yuck. Green jello.

I despise it but at the same time am undeniably attracted to it. I would never let jello get anywhere near my lips. Never.

Seriously. You know how they make jello? Look it up.

But despite my disdain for jello, I find myself placing it on my tray in the cafeteria at lunch. I've been doing this forever and I always end up throwing away untouched jello. And up until a few months ago, I didn't know why.

As always, I entered the cafeteria for lunch. As always, I picked out a slice of pizza, a salad, a bottle of water and some green jello. As always, I walked over to the Scoobies' usual table. But this time, not as always, we were joined by a loud, foul-mouthed brunette.

There was some conversation going on at the table, though I couldn't possibly remember what it was about. Faith sat across from me, stealing little bits and pieces of everyone's lunch while animatedly talking.

Everyone's lunch but mine.

I couldn't concentrate on what was going on around me. It's like everything shut down and … faded away? No, not faded. You know in those movies? Or those shows like Star Wars where Spock tells that Skywalker guy to put the ship into lightspeed? You know how those dots that represent stars kinda elongate and turn into lines and its all 'oooh', 'aaah'… lightspeed. Do you get what I'm saying at all?

Well it was more like that. Not faded or blurry … more like lightspeedy…-ish. Everything was lightspeedy-ish, except the spot right in front of me; where Faith sat.

I'd look away but then I'd be blind. Everything was lightspeedy-ish and nothing was computing in my brain. So I had to settle for nervously nibbling at my salad while secretly peeking at Faith.

And then at some point she turned to me and said something. I was so surprised and my stupid brain couldn't keep up. I didn't catch what she said. She gestured at me and smiled. Did she ask me something?

I guiltily arranged my hair and nodded vigorously.

And then, as if in slow-motion, she smiled a dazzling dimpled smile, stretched her arm across the table and took my green jello.

At that point, my messed up vision and hearing disappeared and everything became so clear. I could perfectly see and hear everything around me. Faith took a spoon full of jello and smiled again with her cheeks all chubby.

"I love jello, B!" she said, her mouth looking like a…snotty cave.

And at that point it all made sense to me. Everything clicked. The jello… Faith. I guess in a weird kinda screwy way, you might say she's the one I've been waiting for.

But then again…you could not. Because that _would_ be weird and screwy.

So anyway, here I am; pizza, salad, bottle and jello. Having a nice Thursday lunch at school.

As I sit down with Willow, Xander and Oz, I find Will and Xan are in the middle of a discussion.

"I think she'd want the two." Willow shrugs.

Xander shakes his head and quickly chomps down his fish sticks.

"Nuh uh," he says, still swallowing down some fish. "I think she'd hold out for the three."

"Hey, you're the expert." Willow gives in. "But you do realize you'll have to cough up more money, mister cheapskate?"

Xander pauses before taking another greasy fish stick in his mouth. I swear I almost saw him paling a little bit, but he just shrugs.

"That's alright," he manages through his food. "My parents raised my allowance this year, remember?"

I giggle and nod. He was triumphant all day when he found out.

Suddenly, Faith pops up from behind me.

"Hey guys, what's happening?"

She straddles a chair and grins. She grabs a fishstick and pops it in her mouth, raising her eyebrows in appreciation.

Willow suddenly falls deathly silent and Xander protectively slides his tray away from her. She looks offended but quickly lifts two more fishsticks from his tray before he can slide it to safety.

"Uh... Nothing much. School boring. How about you?"

Woah. Go me for sounding so casual! Although...'school boring'? Do I _want_ to sound retarded?

She pauses between chewing on her bounty of fishsticks and suddenly looks very fidgety. She starts chewing again, but faster. Her eyes dart all over the place and her knees bop up and down while her fingers tap some random beat against the table top.

"Er… yeah. About that…" She glances at a piece of paper sticking out of the pocked of her jean jacket. "I passed by Giles this morning…"

I knew it!

"…and he had some messed up news." She pauses and gets a faraway look. She looks lost. Oh no… Is this bad news? Oh god. Are they sending her away?

"The Council set me up with some wicked cool digs and a butt-load of money!"

What!

"What!" Xander and Willow voice for me.

"I concur." Oz…concurs.

"Yeah, I swear." Faith takes out the piece of white paper and it turns out to be an envelope. She hands it to Oz who hands it to Willow.

Will quickly takes out an official looking letter and skims through it. She pauses, rereads it and then pauses again, her eyes widening.

"What is it, Will? What does it say, what is it!" I finally burst out.

"Like I said; the Council set me up with an apartment up in Sariza Lane. Imagine me in that fuckin' neighbourhood!" Faith answers for Willow.

She takes advantage of Xander's preoccupation by finishing his lunch.

"Plus they got me an account; they're sending me money every month. And lemme tell ya, I'm living the good life from now on." She shakes her head, smiling widely.

Xander hands me the letter, his lunch completely forgotten, and turns towards Faith.

"Holy smokes, batman! This is unbelievable news. This is unbelievably good news. Good news!" he splutters out rather rapidly.

"No matter how many times you call me batman, I ain't calling you Robin, okay Xan?" Faith quips, chuckling. "But yeah, this is pretty good fucking news." She agrees.

She looks up at me.

"So what d'you think, B? Me living it up at Sariza Lane… My treat on the ribs next time, huh?" She grins at me.

We haven't gone out to eat after slaying for a long time now… We haven't really been slaying much together either. Is she saying she wants there to be a next time?

After a long pause I return her smile just as broadly. "I'd have to agree with Xander. Wouldn't you agree, Oz?" I say, not looking away from her.

"Yeah, I'm with the good," Oz answers, and I can hear he's smiling too.

Well this _is_ good. We're all smiling.

"What are _you_ all smiling about?" Cordelia manages to break the moment anyhow.

For me anyway; it doesn't seem to affect the others. Weird.

"Faith got herself-"

"-a really bad hairday!" Faith interrupts Willow quickly. "And I thought you could help me with that," she adds.

She quickly stands up and wraps an arm around Cordelia's shoulder, turning away from us.

The rest of us look at each other quizzically. What the...?

"So uh…let's go and take care of that," Faith finishes lamely. She glances around and shrugs apologetically. "Bye guys."

**Faith's POV:**

Phew. That was close.

Shit, I never catch a break, do I?

…Aw crap. Now that I got this new place, I can't use that phrase anymore. This _is_ my lucky break. Alright fine. But it's still pretty crappy that Cordelia chose that exact moment to come over.

I was actually initially looking for Cordelia. I wanted to tell her first cuz she let me crash at her place for so long. She's taken real good care of me, you know? So I wanted her to be the first to know that I had my own place now.

But no such luck.

I figured she'd be at the cafe around that time but I couldn't see her. I did, however, see the rest of the gang. Xander, Willow, Oz and B. And I just had this big news that I wanted to tell someone. Anyone. And even though I wanted Cordelia to be the first to know, I figured it wouldn't matter as long as she heard it from me.

So I told the others. It felt good sharing it with someone. I couldn't wait to check it out though. But for some reason I keep thinking it'd be way cooler if B was with me the first time I see it. Don't ask me why.

"Bad hairday, Faith?" Cordelia asks suspiciously. "Since when? Don't mean to give you an even bigger head but you have great hair."

"Thanks, Cordy. That means a lot coming from you," I tell her. "But you're right. It's got nothing to do with my hair. I just got something to tell you."

I take a look through a classroom window and find it empty. I open the door and gesture for Cordy to enter. I check the hallway one last time before entering and closing the door behind me.

Cordelia is looking at me, arms crossed, leaning against one of the desks.

"So what is it?" She asks.

I reach into my jacket only to realize I left the letter at the cafeteria with the Scoobs. Shit, my key's in there.

"I uh..." I shake my head and take a few steps closer to Cordy. "I talked to Giles this morning. He had some wicked cool news, Cor, from the Council!"

She raises an eyebrow and I nod.

"I know! But it's true. I'd show you the letter but I left it somewhere. Anyway, they set me up with my own place. I'm moving uptown, with my own account, which they'll fund every month starting this one," I finish.

She just blinks at first but then smiles.

"Oh my god, that's great news!" She jumps up and hugs me excitedly. "Oh, honey, now I won't have your smelly socks lying around," she whispers playfully in my ear.

"Hey!" I protest, "They're not that bad!"

She turns her head towards me; her arms still wrapped around my neck, and raises both eyebrows.

Well okay… They _were _that bad. But it was just that one time. And I had sewer duty that night!

"Whatever, at least I won't have you nagging at me for eating a little snack at night," I mumble.

She puts her head on my shoulder again and chuckles.

"I don't call six burgers with extra fries and a milkshake a little snack, Faith," she argues. "Besides… You know you'll miss me."

She playfully knocks against me with her hips and oh god she smells good. And her skin is soft and her voice is really nice and that hip thing… I _will_ miss her.

"Maybe just a little bit. You'll miss my smelly ass way more," I joke. To lighten the moment you know? This is a dangerously nice vibe.

She leans back a little again and looks me in the eye.

"You know I will," she says seriously.

Suddenly I feel someone else in the room. I whip around and see Buffy standing in the doorway, holding the letter from the Council.

"Sorry…I…" She stretches out her arm, holding out the envelope. "You forgot this."

"Oh, right." I nod even though she's not looking at me. As I take the envelope my fingers graze hers. It only lasts a fraction of a second because she pulls away.

"Okay." She steps back. "Well I'll leave you with uh… I'll just go. Bye." She ends in almost a whisper and exits, silently closing the door behind her.

"Well that's an awkward vibe. Anyways, have you checked it out yet?" Cordy dismisses the weird Buffy incident completely and stays on the subject of my new apartment.

"Nah… Not yet. I thought…" I glance at the closed door one more time before turning back to Cordelia. I notice one of her arms is still around my waist and it feels good. "I wanted you to be with me."

Her eyes widen and she actually blushes. She's so fucking beautiful like this. I push a stray lock of hair behind her ear. Her skin is so soft and she smells intoxicating.

"Pick you up after school?"

She leans into my hand, still cupping her cheek. I finally drop my hand and take a step back. I take hold of her hand around my waist and hold it between us, stepping away even further.

She nods, looking at our hands. I let go and turn around, walking towards the door. But then I remember how good it felt with her skin against mine, warm and soft and smelling so sweet…

I stop, turn back around and walk towards her. I push her towards one of the desks and pin her there with my hips, grabbing the edge of the desk with my hands. She looks up at me alluringly, almost daring me. I breathe in deeply, enjoying her scent. And then I kiss her. I enjoy her lips just for a couple of seconds before I demand entrance in her mouth with my tongue. She teases me for just one second before letting me in and hungrily kissing me back.

Warm champagne.

And this… feels so… fucking good. I… have to…

Stop.

I pull away and take two steps back. I lick my lips and bite my lower one just a little. Holy fuck that felt good. I grin at her and wink. And then turn around and walk away.

And might I add… Feeling pretty much like the badest fucking bad-ass around.

**Buffy's POV:**

That was not good in so many ways.

"Oh, Faith. You know you'll miss me." I mimic Cordelia almost to perfection.

"Well, I don't know, C. Maybe just a little." I don't have the husky Faith sound down yet.

"You know I'll miss you." In the sluttiest way ever!

And what was with the hug? Did ya see that hug? That was one hell of a hug! That was what a Texas preacher would call a sinful hug, people. And I for one, would agree with him for once.

I look down at my English homework and sigh. I doubt I'll pass if I hand in all this doodling. I scrunch up the paper and throw it with the others on the floor.

I lean my head on my hand and nibble on my pencil.

"Buffy?"

I turn around to find Angel leaning in through my window.

"Angel…"

I love this name establishing routine.

"Can I come in?" he asks.

I spin my chair around and shrug.

"Sure."

He manoeuvres in and pats down his black duster. He looks around my room like he hasn't seen it a million times already. I cross my arms and lean forward a little.

"So… What's up?" I ask.

He walks over to the wall with all the pictures and holds the edge of one picture. I know which one he's looking at. I look at it every time I go through the door. Sometimes I stop, and look at it again.

It was this one time when Sunnydale got infested with Zombies and we had to hide Mom and Dawn at the library. We had to evacuate them from the house and Dawn insisted she needed to bring her Polaroid. Anyway, we had to camp out at the library because the only way to get rid of the zombies was with a spell. Problem was the spell could only be done during daylight. So all we could do was wait it out.

The picture was taken around… I don't even know. It must've been somewhere between three and six AM.

Everyone had fallen asleep except me and Faith. We couldn't. We both felt useless just sitting around doing nothing. We were supposed to slay them! But we couldn't. We had to stay here, protect the others and just wait it out. There were too many of them anyway.

I felt really bad that night. Mom and Dawn could've gotten killed! I was honestly scared to death and I felt like I almost lost them. Faith was probably feeling bad herself, having nothing to do. She usually goes out and slays, she really wanted to kick some zombie ass. But she had to stay here, with us. And I guess I wasn't sure at that the time with us was somewhere she wanted to be.

But she was being really nice; making silly jokes and trying to make me laugh. Saying the most absurd things just to get a rise out of me. It worked though. It got my mind off everything that went wrong. Anyway, I must've laughed too hard or something because Dawn woke up. She saw us, sitting on top of the stairs, connected from shoulder to toe.

'So we could whisper and not wake the others.'

Although we both knew she could be standing at the other side of the room whispering something and I'd hear her perfectly.

Anyway, Dawn saw us. And I don't know why, she won't say, but she took a picture. It's not a spectacularly beautiful picture. It's a cheap Polaroid picture in bad lighting. But I love it. Faith is looking straight in the lens, noticing Dawn but not quite realising it yet. I'm looking at Faith, laughing about something she said. I love it because her eyes come out beautifully in the picture. I love it because it reminds me of that night. No matter how bad the rest of it went, I will always remember that night fondly.

Angel opens his mouth, as if he's about to say something, but he doesn't. He lets go of the picture and turns to me, his hands by his side.

"I just wanted to know how you are," he says. "I haven't heard from you in…"

He looks at my English homework on my desk behind me.

"A while," he finishes.

I pad over to my bed and grab my baggy sweater. I pull it on and sit on my bed.

"Yeah, it's been kinda…hectic," I answer.

In my head at least.

"School or slaying?" he asks, gesturing towards my desk.

I sigh, pushing my hair behind my ears.

"Just…stuff," I say lamely. I don't mean to sound mysterious, I just don't want to lie to him.

"Oh." He looks at me. I look at him almost apologetically. "Well yeah… I understand."

"How've you been, Angel?" I ask.

He looks away and walks back towards the window.

"I'm alright. I miss you, but I'm alright." He sighs and leans against the windowpane. "I think I'll just go."

I stand up and hug myself, suddenly feeling cold.

"Okay… I'll stop by later, we'll talk more," I promise him.

He smiles a little and climbs out my window. Before he jumps down completely, he looks at me one more time and smiles softly.

"Goodnight, Buffy."

"Goodnight, Angel." I smile back and then he's gone.

I sigh and look at the clock. Almost eleven. It's Faith's night but maybe I should… I glance at the picture of us and sigh.

Never mind; I think I need some sleep.

**Faith's POV:**

I look at the clock. Two AM. Wow. Early night tonight. I did a quick sweep around eight but I called it quits at ten; it was a quiet night anyway.

Man, you should see my new place!

It's fucking sweet, I kid you not. It's got two bedrooms. One will most likely be transformed into a small training area. I have a kick-ass kitchen with a counter! I'm counter-girl, it's perfect. The fridge is huge with an ice-machine and everything. My living room has the greatest couch my ass has ever felt and I even have a balcony. I can do dramatic poses while I think now!

I've got it made. Shit, now I really don't wanna die, you know?

Sariza Lane is way more boring than my old neighbourhood but fuck is it clean. Plus it's really quiet. Like all the time. It creeped me out the first hour but I got used to it.

I silently walk towards my very own kitchen and open the fridge. I take out a carton of milk and drink straight out of it. I lean against the counter and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

I look at the stuff I dumped in the living room. I take another gulp from the milk and walk towards the messy pile of stuff. A scrunched up note B passed me once at a Scooby meeting; a lucky gem Willow gave me; a few coins; a few movie ticket stubs; a swirly straw; and a picture I took of B once. The brat was packing it one night Zombies took over Sunnydale. I borrowed it and snapped a shot of B when she wasn't looking.

She looks good in it. I look at it for a while and then shove it between one of my comics. Out of sight out of mind, right?

I walk back to the kitchen and replace the milk in the fridge. Making sure not to make too much noise, I pad back towards the biggest bedroom and slowly open the door.

Shit.

The door bumps against something on the floor.

Fuck. I forgot about Cordy's shoes.

I wait a little then slip inside and close the door silently. I walk back to the bed and climb under the tangled sheets. I soon feel two warm hands around my waist, pulling closer to me. I smile and breathe in, loving her warm touch.

"I hope you didn't go out for burgers…" she whispers huskily as she nestles her head in my neck under my chin.

I smile and chuckle softly. "Just had a drink, babe. You want me to get you something?"

She hugs me a little tighter and wraps a leg around one of mine. "Are you always this chivalrous after you've fucked someone, Faith?"

Ooh, I love it when she talks dirty. "No, Cordy. I thought I'd do something different this time." I smirk.

"Oh, really?" she says sceptically. "And what brought upon this change of mind?"

I look at my hand on her waist and slide it lower. "I dunno. But it might have something to do with your great ass."

**Buffy's POV:**

Sixty-two Sariza Lane...

I hold on a little tighter to the box of fresh donuts I brought and look around the neighborhood.

Nice.

It'll probably need some getting used to. For Faith. I presume. I brought the donuts as some sort of peace offering. And I came by this morning hoping we could walk to school together. For the early meeting. I brought some coffee too. She likes hers black with lots of sugar. I just brought lots of extra sugar because she likes to dose the sugar herself.

Am I obsessing again?

I hold my breath as I see the building.

"Buffy?"

I keep holding my breath. I just keep looking at the building.

"Buffy?"

I keep holding my breath as I hear stiletto heals on the pavement behind me. And there she is. Cordelia Chase in her morning glory. Except not very glorious. Her hair is not quite as perfect as it usually is and...Oh god. Is she wearing the same she was wearing yesterday? With the gall to actually look surprised, holding coffee and a box of donuts.

"Shit."

She curses as something slips through her fingers. She picks up a dozen or so of extra sugar packs. Of course. Faith likes to dose the sugar herself.

"What are you...?" Cordelia looks at my own hands and what I'm holding. Or to be more precise...clutching to my chest. I bet I smushed the donuts. "What are you doing here?"

I drop everything. The two large coffee cups clatter open and spill over the previously clean pavement. The box of donuts falls and rolls into the gutter.

"I..."

She knows what I'm doing here. She can't possibly expect me to still answer the question. I think it's pretty fucking obvious what I'm doing here, in Sariza Lane, at seven in the morning with a box of donuts, two large coffees and a dozen or so of extra sugar packs.

It's pretty fucking obvious, isn't it? And pretty pathetic. I'm about to walk away. I'm right in the middle of turning away and escaping from this horrible nightmare. But I have to be sure.

I turn back to Cordelia, my eyes burning with tears I refuse to cry in front of her.

"What are _you_ doing here?" I ask.

She blushes and looks away.

I guess it's pretty fucking obvious what she's doing here too.


	10. Pink

**Faith's POV:**

My bedroom walls are pink.

Two words?

Helllll no.

It's so…pink. And all that 'pink' brings with it. Fluffy. Girly. Wussy … Pink!

So not my fucking color.

So, yeah. That's gotta go.

I glance at my new cell phone. Cordy gave it to me as a 'housewarming present'. Whatever, I'll just use it as a watch till I get a new one.

Some vamps tend to scratch at your wrists before you stake 'em, you know? I lost three watches to those inconsiderate bastards already.

Anyway, it's only seven AM. Shit I only slept for like an hour.

Rough night.

Don't get kinky; Cordy was asleep for half of it. I just couldn't get used to sleeping next to someone. Barely got a wink.

I rub my eyes out of habit and get up. I throw on a t-shirt and some shorts while I make my way to the kitchen. Damn. Didn't get a chance to do groceries yesterday.

And I'm outta milk!

Fuck. And I ate the leftover burger at four. Sigh.

I'll just grab something before I head to SunnyD high since I'm up so early.

…

Early…. Cordy…

Where the hell's Cordy?

I look around but don't see any of her stuff. What the hell?

Although I know its empty, I open the fridge anyway.

Yup. Completely and desolately empty.

"Motherfucker, shit, fuck."

Phew, got my morning swearing out of the way.

"Good morning to you too.."

I look around to see Cordy in the hallway with her arms full.

Are those… Are those donuts? And coffee?

I make my way to the living room.

"I borrowed your keys, I hope you don't mind." She says as she drops them on the table. She places the box of donuts and the coffee next to it, accidentally making my comics fall from the coffee table.

I flop down on the couch as she picks up the comics.

"No prob, Cor." I hungrily eye the food. "Those for me?"

She leans against the couch as she looks into an X-men I borrowed from Xander.

She seems really into it.

"Cor?" I ask again.

She looks up funnily and nods.

"Yup. All for you." She eventually replies.

"Hey, thanks, C. You're the best." I smile and dig in the donuts first.

Ooh, rainbow sprinkles! Uh-…I mean…

…

Ah, whatever, rainbow sprinkles!

"Before I forget." Cordy says in a monotone voice.

As I happily swallow down half of the donut, she drops some more stuff on the table.

"Extra sugar." She informs me.

That's…great. But why does she sound pissed?

I pause before I finish my donut and place it back down instead.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

She crosses her arms and looks away, sighing audibly.

"Just… Just forget about it, Faith." She sighs.

She turns around to briefly look at me one more time and then grabs her purse and walks away. I follow her just in time to see the front door slam shut.

What the…?

I rub my forehead confused and with what's probably the beginning of a major headache.

Walking back to the living room, I notice the comic book she was reading. I pick it up and something falls out of it.

I look down to find B smiling happily in the Polaroid.

That…can not be good.

**Buffy's POV:**

"Good morning, Buffy." Giles smiles as he organizes some books on the table.

"Fabulous morning, Giles." I reply sarcastically and collapse on one of the chairs.

Giles stops what he's doing and gives me his worried look. His forehead gets all wrinkly. I nibble on my lower lip. Think, Buffy, think!

"Sorry." I mumble. "We ran out of yoghurt again this morning." I lie.

Giles sighs relieved. Relieved that I just ran out of yoghurt. I resent that but whatever.

"Oh. Well that's a shame, Buffy." He coughs and starts organizing books again. Always with the books.

Well duh…librarian. But still.

"You're rather early this morning, aren't you?" He comments.

"Yeah, just a little. I was up early."

"And the others? Do you know who else might be joining us?"

"Umm… Will and Oz are taking a tour of that 'special' school today so they're out. Xander should turn up some time though." I reply.

He nods and walks to his office.

"What about Faith?" He asks.

I clench my jaws a little but try to remain neutral looking.

Fat chance.

"Wouldn't have a clue, Giles." I manage to get out chipperly.

He comes out of the office, diary in hand, looking at me strangely. Oh, yeah, I wasn't supposed to be chipper today. Ugh… I'll just shut up for now.

"Hmm…" Giles perches on the table pensively. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you, Buffy."

He taps his chin. "Have you thought about which college you'd like to do to?"

What is he talking about? Was there another college in Sunnydale I wasn't aware of?

"UC Sunnydale, Giles. Unless the hellmouth decided to up and move." I shrug.

He takes off his glasses and cleans them.

"Well you see, with Faith here, you could go to any college you'd like. Preferably somewhere nearby still so we could call on you for emergencies. But you have more possibilities now."

"What?" My eyes widen and I'm truly shocked. "What are you saying Giles? Leave Faith with the hellmouth? I can't go, I need to stay! I can't just leave her behind!"

Giles looks surprised and replaces his glasses.

"Buffy, she's quite capable of keeping things under control by herself. You did so yourself for quite some time, remember?"

I-… That's not what I meant.

"I just… I just want to stay, Giles. Is that okay?"

"Well…" Though I'm looking at his shoes, I can feel he's looking at me. Trying to figure out what's going on in my head, I guess. "…It's your choice of course, Buffy." He finally says.

I sigh, relieved he's letting it go. I wonder what Faith would think if she knew. God, like I could go and have a life while she takes the brunt of it. What was Giles thinking?

"Giles, how could you suggest just leaving Faith with the slayer duty? " I suddenly burst out. "Like she doesn't want a normal life either!"

He looks at me thoughtfully before answer.

"Actually, Buffy, Faith came up with the idea. She brought it up a few weeks ago."

What the..?

He stands up and walks behind the counter.

"You might as well know; I approached her that day about letting me tutor her for her GED so she could perhaps get into UC Sunnydale in the near future. She seemed not too enthusiastic. But she seemed confident about the hellmouth and asked me if that way, you could go to… UCLA?" He looks at me questioningly.

I don't really know what to say right now.

"But since you'd prefer to stay in Sunnydale, perhaps you and Faith shall go to the same school some day." He takes out his tea mug. "Tea?"

I shake my head. "No thanks, Giles."

She agreed to tutoring? College? With me? We'll go to the same school and maybe have some classes together and-..

"Hey have you seen Cordy around?"

I whip around in my chair and see Faith.

"Good morning, Faith. And no, sorry, I haven't seen Cordelia this morning." Giles replies.

Cordy and Faith. I feel sick. I try not to look at her and just gaze around.

"B?"

I bite my lower lip. Damn it. I turn to look. Ugh…

"I… I saw her this morning." I answer. This is going to be embarrassing.

"Yeah? Where was she? When?" She looks shocked and steps nearer.

"Um… Around seven."

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. She looks adorable but I look away, hoping she doesn't ask where I saw Cordy.

"Where'd you see her?"

Crap. I sigh…

"In your street."

I hear Giles choke on his tea and I grimace. This is so painfully embarrassing.

"Err…" Faith begins awkwardly. "That's… Um… At seven, huh?"

I nod affirmatively. Yup. Your street at seven. Doesn't have to mean a thing, does it Faith? She'll ignore it like she always does. I'm repulsive, aren't I?

"Okay, well… Is the meeting done already?" She asks Giles.

He looks up in the middle of cleaning the spillage on the counter.

"Oh, no, we haven't even begun yet. You're both early." He answers.

Yeah, what's up with that? Why is she looking for Cordy? Shouldn't they be all eating donuts and drinking coffee and making out around now? Eww..

"Well, what's the meeting about anyway? I reported to you last night." She doesn't sit down anywhere and just leans against the counter.

She definitely doesn't wanna be here. Run, Faith, run! I wonder what happened between her and Cordy.

I can't believe I still have to ask her for the Christmas thing. I am so doomed.

**Faith's POV:**

Well… It's just like any other Thursday morning. Except it's not.

I slept with Cordelia. She disappeared on me. Buffy was skulking about my new neighborhood. And since we're both so damn early and B has first period off… Giles has decided to squeeze in some extra training.

So… Not exactly any other Thursday morning. But I can still act like it. Right?

B doesn't seem to have any trouble in doing so. Does she hang around my neighborhood every morning? That's just creepy.

Maybe I should ask her about it anyway.

I hesitate before putting on my training T-shirt.

Yeah… I think I'll ask her.

I gather up my clothes and shove them in my gym bag as I get out off the bathroom stall. Still can't believe she makes us change in different bathroom stalls. I'm not saying we should change in the same stall. Although… give me time. But we're both girls! And it's not like I haven't seen her naked before.

With all her privacy issues, you'd think she'd remember to lock her stall. The slayer connection isn't infallible you know.

I lean against one of the sinks to prepare myself for the inexplicable lengthy wait I'm about to endure. How can it possibly take so long for her to get ready for training?

But it's like she heard my thoughts and refuses to admit I'm right, cuz she's suddenly exiting her stall. In track pants and a really tight top. She rearranges the semi-folded clothes hanging on her arm and doesn't meet my eyes once.

"Hey, B?"

She still doesn't look at me and instead looks at herself in the mirror as she ties her hair back.

"Yeah?"

Guess I just ask her then.

"What were you doing around my place this morning?"

She freezes and her arms drop by her side. Her eyes dart to my reflection in the mirror.

"This morning?"

Don't play stupid with me, B.

"Yeah. This morning. Around seven? When you saw Cordelia?" I remind her.

"Right. This morning." She nods slowly. "I was just… I was going to… ask you something."

She nods again, faster, and then smiles and turns to me. I wait for her to continue and then raise my eyebrows when she doesn't.

"And…?" I press on.

"Oh, right. And what I wanted to ask you was… if you wanted to come over on Christmas eve."

Uhhh… Who on the what now? Christmas? Isn't it a bit early to be talking about Christmas?

Oh wait… It's the seventeenth already.

Umm…

"Your mom made you, huh?" I smirk.

Her mom makes her invite me to her house sometimes. Mrs S is cool and I rarely pass up a good meal but… well I have my reasons. Besides, Christmas isn't my thing anyway.

I pick up my gym bag and swing it over my shoulder.

"Tell her I appreciate it, but I got plans, B. Let's train."

Well I didn't exactly have plans because I didn't exactly know Christmas was coming up. But it's just Christmas anyway, so whatever. Do I ever have plans on Christmas?

Oh yeah… There was this huge 'Filthy Heathen Bonfire' last year in Boston. But I don't remember too much about that. I dunno. It's just Christmas.

"What kind of plans?"

I turn around in the hallway to see Buffy looking like a girl.

Don't get me wrong, Buffy is most definitely a girl. As in not a boy. But sometimes she looks especially girly. Because although B's tiny, she doesn't usually look it. She'll pout and bat her eyelashes and try to play innocent if she wants something, but I can pretty much see through it. I'm not always as successful in ignoring it, but at least I see what she's doing. Anyway, she's tiny but usually she looks like she can kick your ass good anyway.

Although this time…

She walks up to me and I resume my way back to the library.

"What kind of plans?" She asks again from beside me in a small voice.

"Just plans." I reply and audibly sigh as I shove open the double doors.

"Okay…sure. You've got plans. Got it. What kind of plans?"

"Just plans. Christmas is a family thing, you know?"

I throw my bag over the counter and push one of the tables out of the way. She just stands in the middle of the room.

"You… You have plans with family?"

Yeah, right. Last time I was with 'family' on Christmas…. Shit, I don't even wanna go there.

"Don't you?"

She's quiet as I clear out another table.

"I just… I didn't know… Where are you going?" She asks unsurely.

Great.

I sigh and gesture to the two other tables.

"You just gonna stand there?"

I'm sure she would be fiddling about with her sleeves if she was wearing any. She helps with the last table anyway and I ignore the warmth of her proximity. I also ignore her uncharacteristically toned down demeanor. She's acting like a puppy that got yelled at! I didn't yell at her. And she's not a puppy. So she should get over it.

"How about Christmas morning?"

"Isn't that the most family-oriented part?"

She shrugs and sits on one of the tables.

"I guess."

I walk over to G's office and pop my head in.

"We're ready." I inform him and he nods.

"Good. Why don't you and Buffy begin with a little warm-up sparring while I drop these papers off at the office?" He takes a last sip of his tea before nodding one more time and leaving with his very very damned papers.

"No problem…" I mumble to myself.

Back in the library, Buffy's putting the last of the mats on the floor.

Training. Right. No problem.

We circle each other at first. As always. Usually, I get impatient and jump right in. But once in a while, B decides to take the initiative.

I duck away from a well-aimed kick to my head.

Like today, apparently.

I block two punches and move to the right and kick the back of her calf to make her leg buckle.

She does, but only for part of a second and she's already turning around when I try a slide-kick. Slayer speed ain't a joke though cuz she jumps to dodge and a fist is already heading my way.

I duck and go for a couple of punches which she deftly blocks. She throws back with quick but powerful little jabs which I in turn block. We're getting way too good. I suddenly grab her wrist and move around her, twisting her arm with me.

Ooh…that's gotta hurt. But she's not even giving a peep.

I move closer to her and move my face to her neck. But then I move to her ear.

"Gotcha."

I let her go and she quickly moves away, massaging her sore wrist.

"Did I twist it too hard?"

She shakes her head.

"Where are you going for Christmas?" She turns to face me again.

"What?" I spread my arms for effect. "B, we're training."

Whoa, I better block that fist!

"So train." She grunts as she knees me in the gut.

Oomph! That's gonna hurt in the morning. … Well… This morning anyway. And it should be gone by noon. But uh… well it hurts.

I kick her legs from under her but she's so fucking quick! I'm on my back before I know it and she's getting up and moving towards me already. I roll away and jump up.

"Damn, B…You're on fire." I wink.

She moves towards me and I jump up on my toes a little, fists up. Gotta feel the Rocky in me… Although I could take him any day.

We exchange a flurry of fists again and I have no idea who's winning. Block, block, punch, kick, punch, block, punch, block, block, block.

She gets me right in the jaw and then holds me in a back-grip as I'm briefly disoriented.

"Gotcha, _F_." She leans in next to my ear. "Why don't you ever tell me things? Like about your family?"

She sounds kinda pissed. She tightens her grip around my neck and arm for a second and I wince but she lets go.

I shrug dramatically to make sure she knows I am not getting what this is about.

"I dunno! I dunno, B. Did ya ask?"

I go back in a fighting position.

"Ah… Have you both warmed up, then?"

I whip around to see Giles walk back in. He nods distractedly and then notices our unresponsive behavior.

"Is everything alright?"

I breathe out to try and calm down and nod.

"Yeah, it's cool, Giles." I mumble. "Training?"

"Oh, well… All right, then." He takes a last look at me and Buffy but nods again and moves towards the counter. "I thought today we could focus more on the…" He holds up the two blindfolds from behind the counter. "Blind combat."

I fight the urge to turn around and raise my eyebrows with B, like we usually do when this comes up. But she's pissed at me. For some reason. Not sharing with her? I dunno.

"Willow suggested though, that meditation would perhaps help strengthen the 'slayer connection' and aid you in battle. So I thought we could test that out today. It's a fairly simple exercise."

Meditation? I dunno…

I turn around and see that B has the same skeptic look on her face.

"So sit down on the mat, facing each other. And then place your palms on each others." Giles instructs us as he pulls up a chair and sits down with his book and a pen.

We sit down and hold out our hands but we have a little trouble with deciding who's on top.

"No, I put my palms on yours." She slaps my hands away. "You're my other."

Huh?

"You're the other palm."

Right. Whatever.

We finally settle as I give into her little palm thing. And our hands are touching. And hers are small and warm and soft.

"Hmm… Good, now you simply close your eyes and try to feel the other. Try to see them in your mind and simply feel each others presence." He states.

Riiight. Simple. Um… So why don't I wanna do it?

Buffy seems just as hesitant about it as I am. Giles is already writing something down in the book, whatever it is.

You know what? I'm just gonna close my eyes, I'm not gonna try and feel anything. I'm just gonna… think about… what color I'm gonna take for my room.

I take one last look at B's kinda red but pretty face as she looks from me to Giles. And then I close my eyes.

… Blue? I like blue. Nah… Maybe like… Red. Or just black. But that's so… black. I like black. But most of my stuff is already black. I wouldn't see anything, you know? Maybe I'll just go for… Pink.

What?

No, not pink. I don't like pink. Blue. Yeah… Blue or red. I dunno. Ears. What about ears?

No, who cares about ears. Though B's ears are nice. How about black and white? Maybe a christmas tree.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't care about christmas trees. With Willow and Xander and Giles and Mrs S and Dawn. What? Why am I thinking about this?

I shake my head a little, my brain's all funky today.

Then I hear Giles slide his chair backwards and clear his throat.

"Er, alright then. That should be sufficient."

I open my eyes and let go of Buffy's hands. But the loss of contact kinda stings. Just a little.

We both get up and Giles hands us the blindfolds. I wonder if B's still pissed. I'm not so good with the blind, this could get dangerous. Wouldn't be the first time. She has to let loose more so she stops having these little explosions. I take one last wary look at her and then tie the black cloth around my head.

I take another step back and breathe out deeply.

This time I'm really gonna have to concentrate or I'll get my ass kicked real bad. I switch into a comfortable fighting position, knees slightly bent and fists in front of me.

I hear B swiftly move to my right, but not towards me. So I silently move to the left and face where I think she's standing. I'm concentrating so much on my slayer hearing, I hear Giles scribbling something down in his goddamned book. My hearing automatically focuses on the only sound in the room and I'm flying through the air before I know it.

Not for long though, because the floor is waiting. I crash into it hard, my arms barely softening the blow, and my cheek doing not much better.

Buffy's kicks are vicious, man.

I hear Giles coming closer.

"I'm alright, Giles." I grunt.

I get up and rub the side of my face. Ouch. Anyway, I carefully walk back towards the mats.

"B?"

"Yeah?" She answers left of me so I walk to the right and turn to face her again.

"You know I'm going to get you for that, don't you?" I smirk and fall back into fighting stance.

"Well… You'll try anyway." She taunts back.

I just hope she's smiling.

Okay, round two. Ding!

I hear B move to my right and I mirror her again, keeping her at a safe distance. But then it's quiet. Real quiet. Giles isn't even writing anything. Where the hell is Buffy? Is she still in front of me?

I tense up a little, going into a more serious fighting stance and try to concentrate harder. Come on, B… Where are you?

The seconds crawl by in silence. And I have no idea where she is, which is not a good thing. She's way better at this and it's pissing me off.

"Hey, B?" I whisper so that only she can hear me. "Have I told you how fuckable you look today?"

I hear a small gasp, just two feet behind me and I dropkick her ass! I hear the very satisfying thump of her cute little butt hitting the mat.

"No fair." She whines and moves to her feet.

I hear Giles hum thoughtfully a little way further and I slide up my blindfold. I see Buffy still has hers on and I smile as I see she's got her arms crossed and is leaning sulkily to the side.

"That was good." Giles tells us. "Very good actually. However, Faith, what would you have done if I had the radio on?"

I raise an eyebrow.

"I dunno. Probably wouldn't have come in here in the first place cuz of your taste in music, Giles."

He looks at me as if he's waiting for me to give him a decent answer. I'm all out.

"Faith, I feel perhaps you're relying too much on your extra developed hearing while you're in the possession of another great weapon; your slayer connection." He explains.

Right. Just try to _feel_ the other. But feeling Buffy is distracting!

Giles glances at his watch.

"Perhaps one more try, and try to focus more on the slayer connection this time, alright Faith?" He nods matter-of-factly.

I shrug back and slide my blindfold back down. I turn to Buffy and steady my breathing. Just try to feel the other.

It isn't difficult to find the connection. It's always sorta pulling at me anyway whenever she's around and it's even worse when she's in the room. It's very distracting though so I usually kinda suppress it when I don't think I need it. But I guess I'll have to really focus on it now. Great. Here we go.

Here comes the warm fuzzy tingling.

And just like that, suddenly I know exactly where she is. Like I can see her although everything else is gone. She takes a careful step to her right and I do the same. We successfully circle each other a couple of times and I'm amazed at how I know what she's doing. And then I feel her smiling and I can't help smile back.

I speed it up a little and take a sudden move towards her. She moves away and I move back too. She shakes her head, smiling. Like she knows I was just testing how alert she was, like I usually do. I smirk, yeah but the next time won't be a tester.

She suddenly lunges at me and I duck an incoming fist and at the same time attempt an elbow in her stomach. She blocks it deftly and pushes me back, making me falter and have to put my hand on the ground for balance.

The air makes a swooshing noise as she jumps towards me, a fist coming dangerously near. I drop to the floor and roll to the left, jumping back to my feet in a flash. This is like we didn't even have the blindfolds on at all!

"This is like we didn't even have the blindfolds on at all…" Buffy says.

What the hell?

I slide the black cloth back up. She's standing right where I knew she was. Did she just read my mind?

"Yes, I saw…" Giles murmurs. "It was quite remarkable. I would've thought more training, practice and meditation would be necessary but apparently… Well, we'll speak more of it next time. You'll have to get ready for class now, Buffy." He informs her.

She groans in protest and advances on Giles.

"But Giles! This is important training." She places her hands on his shoulders seriously. "When another apocalypse comes and it'll be very dark and the radio will be playing, you'll curse yourself for sending me to Spanish instead of doing the much needed training."

He raises an eyebrow, unconvinced. But Buffy doesn't let up.

"I think training is more important than Spanish, don't you? Unless you think it'll be a Spanish speaking demon and I can just go, 'ola señor Demon, habla español?' ,and we could just talk about our problems." She goes on.

Giles looks pensive. Probably wondering how crazy Buffy is, really. She watches him suspiciously.

"You don't really think there'll be a Spanish speaking demon, do you?" She asks.

He opens his mouth to answer, but seems lost for words.

"Oh my god. Okay. Okay, I don't know any Spanish! I have to go to Spanish. Why didn't you tell me?" She shakes Giles a little bit in her excitement but then lets go and picks up her stuff from the counter.

"Okay, I'm gonna get ready now." She informs us. And then she looks at me expectantly.

"Uhh… Yeah, me too then, I guess." I shrug and she hands me my gym bag as I walk over.

**Buffy's POV:**

I smile as I walk out to the hallway. She's coming with me!

Okay… That's important. Because… Whoa. That training session was intense! Not like… I mean… I didn't break a sweat or anything but… Whoa. That connection. It was creepy.

Well… Almost. It was just really intense.

She comes out of the library and smiles.

"That was wicked, huh?"

I smile back and nod as we make our way to the bathroom.

"It was like… I just knew, you know?" I attempt to explain.

"Yeah, I know." She nods back.

I smile to myself as I push open the bathroom door. We're connecting again!

Oops. I don't need to be here. I need to take a shower.

"Don't you need to take a shower, B?" Faith asks me.

"Yeah… I just needed to ask you something."

She raises an eyebrow. I sigh.

"Completely non-related to the Christmas thing."

She relaxes her stance and shrugs.

"Then shoot."

"Wanna patrol tonight?" I ask.

"Uh… Yeah, I'm on duty, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But I mean, together?"

Her eyes widen a little in surprise but she quickly recovers.

"Uh… Sure. Yeah. That's cool."

I smile.

"Okay, great. Meet you at Restfield? At seven?"

She grins and nods.

"Cool. Your call on the food, alright? My treat." She opens her bag and takes out her clothes, heading towards a stall.

"Right, you just end up eating everything they have and I just get the freebies anyway." I tease her.

She enters the stall but pops her head out.

"How about that time we went to Mickey D's? Never knew you had a thing for plain old cheeseburgers, B. You ate like fifty of 'em. And you know it's the truth."

She looks at me, daring me to deny it.

"Shut up." I narrow my eyes and stick out my tongue for good measure. She promised she wouldn't mention it again after she kept on about it for hours and hours.

She smiles and laughs before closing the stall.

"See ya at seven then, B."

"Alright. Bye."

Yeah, that was a good moment. That training session was intense. I'll have to talk to Willow about that little… meditation thingy. Because wow. Was it because of that?

After showering and changing into fresh clothes, I walk into Spanish and spot an empty seat next to Xander.

"Olà, Xander." I grin.

"Olà, Buffy." He grimaces. "Wanna skip Spanish?"

"No, Xander." I say solemnly as I sit down. "I'm the slayer."

I notice a jock look at me funnily and slide his desk a little further away.

Great. My crazy Buffy rep just got a boost.

Xander looks a little like he's questioning my sanity too.

"What's that got to do with Spanish? Do you have to be multi-lingual for the job? Don't you just kinda… slay 'em?" He whispers the last part.

"True. But I don't wanna fail another class. I wanna get into college, you know." I smile, thinking back on going to college with Faith. That would be so great.

"So you don't want to just join me into the bum life?" He wipes away imaginative tears.

"You got into that college, Xander!" I remind him.

"But it's in Seattle! I can't go to Seattle. I gotta stay here." He says.

Very familiar words.

"I get that." I answer.

So we drop the issue and decide to behave, going to all our classes all day. Although the urge to go see Faith was enormous, I kept myself in check by reminding myself of our seven o'clock appointment. Appointment… Date? No. No. Appointment. Meet-up. Not date.

Yeesh, Buffy. Get over it already.

As Xander and I make our way to the library after school, we see Willow and Oz. They spot us and wave.

"Hey, my little geniuses!" Xander slides between them and wraps his arms around their shoulders. "How'd it go? Were they worthy of your superior brains?"

Willow laughs and shoves him off good naturedly.

"I already told you last time, I'm staying in Sunnydale." She reminds him.

Oz nods and wraps his arm around Willow instead.

"Same for me."

Xander places his hands on his chest and looks at me dramatically.

"See that, Buff? That's what I call friendship."

I roll my eyes but smile at Will and Oz.

"You might still change your mind after we investigate this Mayor guy." I start up the walk towards the library again.

"Oh, we still have their numbers." Oz replies.

I laugh and open the library doors.

"Always good to have a back-up plan." I agree as we approach Giles at the counter.

"Hey, Giles." Willow gives him a little wave.

Oz and Xander settle themselves on chairs around the table.

"Ah, good afternoon. How are you?" He looks at Oz and Willow curiously.

I lean against the counter and wait for my chance to speak to Willow alone.

Oz and her give a little summary of their day but end up stressing that they've decided to stay in Sunnydale and there was no use trying to talk them out of it.

I couldn't wish for better friends.

I finally get to pull Will to the side and invite her for some girly talk at my place. She gets really excited and tells me she's been meaning to have a serious talk with me for a while.

Should I be worried?

It feels good for it to just be me and Will again, we used to hang out more often. Just the two of us.

"I just need to stay, Buffy. You get that, don't you?" She attempts to explain her decision again as we stroll into Revello Drive.

I link my arm with hers and squeeze it a little.

"I totally get that, Will." I tell her. "I just don't want your potential to go to waste."

"I know." She squeezes back. "But I have a different kind of potential too. And I think this might be the best place to maximize that potential."

Oh, right. Magic. Or is it magick? Is there a difference? I never got that.

I let go of her arm to get out my keys.

"Point taken. I just don't want you to get hurt." I tell her again and open the front door.

"I appreciate that, Buff, I do. But I have two slayers to protect me now, right?"

I nod as we make our way towards the kitchen.

"And a werewolf." I add.

"Yeah." Will sighs. "Too bad it's only by full moon though. It would be great if he could control it."

I grab a cookie from the cookie jar and slide it over to Willow on the counter.

"Is that even possible?" I ask carefully.

Willow shrugs before taking a bite from her chocolate snack.

"I found some vague references about it in a scroll but I haven't fully translated it yet." She sighs.

"Oh, wow. Because yeah, obviously it'd be great if he could control it." I agree.

It's not easy to have a werewolf boyfriend.

We talk some more about Oz as we enjoy our cookies in the kitchen. Dawn's arrival compels me to take our conversation upstairs though and we settle in my bedroom.

I prop my knees up as I lean against the headboard of my bed. Willow leans on her elbows as she lays on her stomach at the foot.

"Have you asked Faith about Christmas yet?" She asks.

I bite my lower lip. I asked her but I want to try again. I don't know if I should though.

"Yeah, I asked her this morning." I answer and sigh before she can get her eyes to fully light up expectantly.

"She said no?"

I nod sadly but shrug.

"I dunno, maybe I can still talk her into it. We're patrolling together tonight."

"Really?" She seems surprised. Happily surprised though.

"Yeah, we're meeting up later tonight." A little smile creeps up on my lips without my permission.

"Cuz I kinda thought…" Willow absently picks at a piece of lint on my bed. "You know…"

She looks at me shyly.

I urge her to go on.

"There was some tension between you and Faith."

I raise an eyebrow carefully. Um… What exactly is she getting at? I knew I should've been worried!

"Um… What kind of tension, Will?" I ask.

"Well, you know…" She waves her hand in the air helplessly. "Tension."

Right. Tension. Got it.

"I felt some bad vibes since Cordelia and Faith are hanging out so much." She gets out in one breath.

Oh.

"Yeah. Me too."

"But now you guys are okay? Voluntary duo-patrols again?"

I nod.

"I hope so. I dunno. We'll see, I guess." I lean my head against the headboard. "Will…about Faith…"

She straightens herself a bit and nods.

"Yeah?"

"Um." Should I tell her? She's my best friend. I should, right? I should. Yeah. I will. I'm so gonna tell her. "…She's so weird, isn't she?"

…Maybe just not today.

I laugh weakly.

"Weird Faith…" I shake my head. I am so lame. Will seems disappointed though.

"Right. And… well… Did anything happen recently that made you go all.. 'Hey, Faith's weird'?" She asks carefully.

Great. Now what do I say? Well… I guess there are a couple of things.

"There was the UCLA thing." I shrug and then frown. "Which really was weird actually."

"What about UCLA?" Willow asks confused.

"Well…When she first came to town, I mentioned once that if I wasn't a slayer I would've wanted to go to UCLA."

"And?" She urges me to go on.

"And.." My frown deepens. "And this morning Giles tells me that Faith wanted to stay and be solo-slayer so I can go to UCLA."

That really _did_ freak me out. Ugh. That training session totally messed with my mind. It's like…There were these major things going on in my head. The college thing, the Cordy thing, the Christmas thing… And what the heck _is_ she going to do at Christmas anyway? I hate her!

No I don't.

Wait…I had a point. Right; so I had these major things going on in my head. And after that training session… It was just like… I dunno. I forgot? It didn't matter. Like I was high or something.

"Oh my god, she said that?" Willow exclaims and sits up on the bed.

She smiles, her eyes wide open and she looks like she's about to say something but doesn't.

"That's basically what Giles said she said." I nod, eyeing her suspiciously. "Isn't that weird?"

"She remembered what you said." Willow states. "All those months ago."

"Um…yeah, I guess she did."

She _did_ remember. Oh god, I want to be with her so much. I hate this.

"Will… This morning…" I have to stop kidding myself and start facing the facts. "I was going to Faith's place, before school."

I pause and see I have her full attention.

"And I was in her street and… Then Cordelia was there."

Her eyes widen.

"And I think I have reason to believe she stayed over at Faith's." I raise my eyebrows and give her a look.

If possible, her eyes widen even more and then she frowns in confusion.

"Stayed over at Faith's? Or…" She gives me a look. "Stayed over at Faith's?" She says in a lower voice.

I give her another look.

"Stayed over at Faith's." I answer. Although I try not to make it sound _too_ sad.

She gasps and looks at me urgently.

"You mean Faith and Cordelia… They…?"

"Pretty sure, yeah." I pick at a piece of…nothing. It just gives me something to do.

"Wow."

Uh huh.

"Well you know… We kinda saw it coming though, right?" I shrug. "The signs were all there."

She raises her eyebrows in surprise.

"What? You saw the signs, right? All the flirting and…closeness and stuff."

She raises one eyebrow and kinda shrugs. But there's more to this.

"There was flirting!" I insist.

"Yeah, there was." She agrees finally. "But it's Faith."

"Well yeah, it _is_ Faith. So we shouldn't be surprised she fucked Queen Cordelia, should we?"

Ooh, did that sound bitter?

"Maybe. But I am anyway." She shrugs.

"Although you saw the flirting?"

She nods.

"Why are you surprised then?"

She opens her mouth about to say something, but changes her mind and just shrugs. That girl is hiding something! My own best friend trying to hide something from me!

"Will, I know you're hiding something. And you know _I_ won't stop bugging you until I find out what it is."

She contemplates this and then looks at me doubtfully.

"I'm just saying… There were other signs as well." She raises her shoulders as if that's all she could say.

"Right." I nod. "Other signs."

Hmm.. What the hell does she mean by that?

"Sorry, Buff. That's all I can say." She looks at her watch. "Oops, better get going. I have to get some homework done before dinner."

I roll my eyes and get up from the bed with her.

"Will, you can't just leave it like that! What do you mean?" I whine and pull a little at her sleeve.

"I can't say, Buffy." She insists and gives me her resolved look.

"Aww…" I whine some more but let go of her anyway.

Fine. Whatever. She knows something about Faith, damn it. And I don't know what it is.

She pauses as she's at my door.

"Buff… Just… give her some time, okay?" She gives me a sad little smile, sighs, and then leaves.

"Will!" I follow her down the hall. "What does _that_ mean?"

She raises her arms in despair.

"You'll figure it out." She hurries down the stairs and opens the front door.

I follow her down feeling very frustrated.

"Bye, Dawn!" She calls out to the living room.

"Bye, Willow!" Dawn shouts back.

"Will, seriously, you're going to have to explain this some day." I sigh.

"Yeah, I know, Buff. Sorry." She gives me a little hug before smiling and going out the door.

"Have fun tonight." She calls out one last time.

I close the door and lean my forehead against it.

Give her some time. Me give Faith time? Time for what? She'll be late tonight?

You know everyone always complains about how Faith is always late for appointments but she's never late for slaying. Ever.

Oh, crap! I forgot to ask Will about the meditation thingy! Stupid Buffy. Argh.

It'll have to wait then.

Faith's POV 

Weird-ass training session. Intense. But weird.

I flick my pencil against the table a couple of times.

Giles looks up from his own work.

"Problems, Faith?"

I look down at the math problems he gave me to solve.

"Uh…No, Giles. No worries. Just uh… Math's not one of my strongest areas." I shrug.

"Hmm…" He takes out another pack of papers. "Perhaps you'd prefer English?"

"I ain't got nothin' against English, G. I does like English. It's just I don't think English likes me." I shrug.

"Your work so far has been quite good, Faith." He purses his lips and looks impressed.

Riiight.

"That's cuz you keep giving me this elementary stuff. I still went to that shit, Giles."

"What about those problems you're working on now?" He asks.

I sigh and look down on them again.

"I'll take another crack at 'em I guess."

I try to concentrate and stop myself from flicking my pencil against the table again.

I sneak a peek at Giles. He's looking real busy with whatever he's doing. Better not disturb him.

Although…

I look back at my own crap and start up a rhythm with my pencil on the table.

Giles looks up again and I hold back a grin.

Too British to tell me to stop. Hehe. Although I shouldn't be torturing him too much, he's been cool. I quiet my pencil and take another shot at the math.

Giles is pretty serious about me getting my GED. He keeps talking about my 'potential' and 'capacities'.

But I dunno if I can take this the whole day. Specially after that training session. Damn. Gotta talk to Red about that when I see her.

There were some weird vibes there, I swear. It was… intense.

All day Giles keeps giving me shit to fill out and read. But every once in a while I think about that training session. Cuz man… that was.. Yeah well, you get the picture.

Around two-thirty though, I have had more than fucking enough of it.

I slide the Shakespeare books away from me as Giles places them on the table.

"No way, Rupert. No more." I shake my head.

He shakes his head too, although he seems more amused than anything else.

"Alright. I actually didn't expect you to last this long."

"Huh?"

"Have you been a closet-bookworm all this time, Faith?"

Did he just say that!

"What the hell, Giles? Closet-bookworm? Take it back!"

He laughs.

"I'm sorry, Faith. I take it back."

Yeah well, he better.

"You really should have seen your face though." He says as he carries back the books.

Old man still has some tricks. Yeesh. Good for him.

"Yeah, good one, G." I roll my eyes. "But that means I can go, right?"

"Yes, go ahead. Thank you, Faith, for doing your best again today."

I grab my jacket and head for the doors. How the hell do you respond to that shit?

"Whatever, Giles. See ya."

He smiles and nods.

I shake my head as I walk down the mainly empty hallway. I exit the school and stroll down the front stairs until I hear my name called out.

"Faith!"

I look to the right and see Will and Oz approaching.

I finish my way down the steps and wave as they walk towards me.

"Hey guys, how'd they take it?" I ask.

"I think they're in denial." Oz shrugs.

"They kept saying 'Please call us if you change your mind.' And they gave us a dozen cards." Will rolls her eyes.

"Can't blame 'em for trying to get the best brains of the country in their school though, huh?"

"I guess." Will says shyly.

"Oh, Red, can I talk to you for a while maybe?" I ask her but look at Oz, if he's cool with that.

"Sure, Faith." Will answers and looks at Oz too.

"No problem. Meet me at my locker?" He answers and offers his arm to carry Red's books.

Wolfboy's such a gentleman. I should be disgusted but he's cool too, so more power to him.

They kiss and Will gives him her bag.

"Thanks man, see ya." I wave.

"See ya." He smiles and leaves.

Willow turns to me.

"So what's up?"

"Um… So… How's Buffy been.. lately?"

She looks at me strangely. Don't blame her. But I feel like I never know how Buffy's doing. Keep saying wrong shit. And I don't wanna fuck up patrol with her tonight.

"She's… alright I guess. She was sorta worried about you though." She answers.

"Worried? Why? About me? Worried?"

"Yeah, because you've been… Distant I guess."

"Oh." B's been worried about me? Huh.

"Yeah." Will nods.

"Um… Anyway…" I attempt to steer the conversation to another direction and tell her all about the training session. She listens attentively as I mention the weirdness that was going on during the meditation.

"Well… have you been using that blocking technique?" She asks.

Yeah, I asked Will about how to block something like say… the slayer connection. If that was possible. She mentioned some books. Which I read. And I tested it out. It was hard at first. Cuz you have to like… Ignore the weird warmth and everything and just push it away.

"Uh…yeah." I answer.

"And how's that working out?"

It fucking sucks.

"I dunno. Okay I guess." I shrug.

She looks at me as though she's waiting for me to say something else.

"I don't think you should be doing it though, Faith." She tells me.

"Uh…Why not? It's distracting, I told you."

"Some things just can't be blocked, you know. Some things just shouldn't be." She seems to stop herself from going further.

"What are you saying? The slayer connection's too strong to be blocked?"

She shakes her head and sighs.

"Buffy didn't have this with Kendra, you know. At least not… well… Like you two." She seems exasperated.

"Right."

Maybe I should give her a break.

"Anyway, thanks, Red. You better get to your boy." I grin.

"Right. Call me if you need anything else, okay?" She pauses before turning. "Think about it, alright?" She then waves and makes her way up the school steps.

I nod distractedly.

Red's weird.

I head back to my place contemplating tonight. I hope it'll go smooth. No weird silence or 'kind of but not really'-fights.

It takes me ten minutes in the wrong direction to realize that I've moved. Twenty minutes later, I'm letting myself in and smelling a whole lotta Cordy.

Not cuz she's particularly smelly or anything. It's just… slayer senses you know?

Forgot to open some windows this morning.

I go to the bedroom first. The sheets are still messed up and her scent is everywhere.

I'm such a fucking idiot. How could I do that to Cordy?

I clean up the apartment for like half an hour and change the sheets. I take a quick shower and sit down on the bed to dry my hair.

And that fucking wall is _still_ pink.

It's really gotta go.

I let my hand wander over the fresh sheets on the bed. I fucked things up with Cordy big time.

I wander around my apartment aimlessly until six. I get dressed, watch some TV, eat some food and watch some more TV. But with all the shitty shows, it's hard to get my mind off Cordelia. And Buffy. At six I start to get fidgety and decide to get an early start.

I just hope B won't be early.

Buffy's POV 

I'm early.

It's only six-twenty. But whatever. Faith's gonna cruise by a little before seven and I can pretend I just got here three minutes earlier.

Or something like that.

I hop up on a huge tombstone and swing my legs against the marble-like surface.

Suddenly I feel like Faith's nearby.

It's barely six-thirty; she's usually early but not this early.

The connection fades away and I begin to doubt myself until suddenly the connection is fully back.

I hear some rustling between the trees behind me and a few moments later she steps out from the shadows.

"Hey, B."

She approaches me and leans against the tombstone I'm sitting on.

"How's it going?" She asks.

She looks good. I hold back the urge to push her hair back behind her ears a little. I don't think it's a good idea to be picking at her hair. Urges are stupid, see?

"Good." I swing my legs again a little. "You?"

She lights up a cigarette and shrugs.

"Same."

"You're early."

"So are you."

I stop swinging. That's true.

She looks down and takes another drag from her cigarette. She looks sexy.

"So you wanna hit Restfield now?" She asks.

I hop down.

"Sure." I walk away, hoping the darkness hides how I'm blushing.

I hate it when I do that. It's not even justified. It just happens. I should get that checked out.

"You shouldn't be smoking, you know." I add.

She laughs and finally decides to follow me. She jogs up next to me, nodding and grinning.

"I know."

We systematically clear out Restfield from five vampires. Which is an averagely low amount. We usually get six or seven. But we hit a nest at the next one, which counts for six. Plus another three stray ones.

Making a nice full total of fourteen by nine o'clock.

"You'd think the vamps would start protecting themselves around here." Faith grunts as she stakes another stray vamp.

"What do you mean?" I ask and watch her pat the dust off her clothes.

"I dunno… start investing in some armor around the heart area." She shrugs.

Hmm..

"Like bulletproof armor?" I muse as we continue to make our way through the cemetery.

"Yeah. Which reminds me… Why couldn't we have those cool guns and shit like in Blade?" She gets excited and her eyes light up.

"Oh, and that sword too. Cuz that was wicked hot. Plus the leather gear. We'd look fucking hot, B!" She continues.

She's actually smiling, she's so cute with her dimples and everything and I laugh.

"You just wanna get that car." I smile and she laughs.

"Oh, yeah. That was wicked." She agrees.

We joke around about freaking Giles out with my Spanish babble. And how Faith's TV actually works now. Amazing.

But then Faith gets a little quiet.

I decide to move away from Angel's mansion and hit the smaller cemetery in the south for dessert. We were always up for a midnight vamp snack though.

"So you like your new place?" I ask her. Hoping to get something out of her again.

"Yeah, it's great." She massages her neck like she does when she's worried about something. "You should check it out some time."

"Really?" I bite my lower lip.

I suddenly get flashes of Cordelia and Faith together. In her apartment. I don't know if I want to go now.

I grip Mr Pointy a little tighter and look around the cemetery.

"Yeah. You know, if you wanna." She takes a few steps away from me, also scanning the area.

"Did Cordelia like it?"

Oops.

I clench my eyes shut. I can't believe I just asked that.

No, wait. I'm cool with her and Cordelia. I am. I swear. If that's what Faith wants.

That was a legitimate question to ask, right? … Right?

She's taking a long time to answer though.

"I dunno. Maybe."

I turn around to face her. She nods her head to the side.

"We should head west first."

I sigh. I hate it when she ignores me.

"Look, Faith…" I stop her from walking further. "You and Cordelia…I'm cool with it, you know."

I try to say it in happiest way possible.

Her shoulders slump a little, which surprises me. But then she turns around.

"Are you, B?"

I flinch and take a step back. Just a little one.

"What?"

"Duck!" She yells.

What! I'm not a duck! What does _that_ mean? Faith's got some serious issues-

And suddenly I'm thrown to the ground together with a huge stinking weight on me.

"Now you die, Slayer!" It breathes out in my neck.

But all I can think is: 'Phew, almost thought she had Tourettes or something.'

Faith hurls him off me with one strong kick. She has crazy boots though and I bet several ribs got cracked along the way.

"I'm alright." I answer before she can ask.

She jumps over me, stake in hand and the vampire crawls away, coughing violently.

I'm about to get up when a knife plants itself in the ground just two inches from my face. I look up and see a scraggly little punked out vampire already aiming another one.

Uh oh.

I take out the knife next to my cheek and roll to my side as another knife is planted right where my head was. I pull that one out the ground too and grin at him.

"Shit!" He lets out and jumps behind several trees.

Ugh. I check how Faith's doing with hers and she's just about to stake him.

I run after my vampire and am suddenly surprised by another, big vampire hurling itself on me. I try to kick it off but it grabs my leg and bites me!

I grunt and kick him off forcefully but yelp in pain as I try to get up.

Fat bastard!

"B!" Faith runs to my side but the big vamp jumps on her and they fall to the ground.

I try to get up again as they violently roll around on the ground.

"You fucking stink, asshole!" Faith says, offended. And she pounds on him.

I attempt to walk and the pain's alright so I run towards them. Faith sees me and grabs him by his shirt and rolls so that he's on top of her.

That's my cue. So I stake him.

Poof.

Faith closes her eyes and mouth tightly as the dust falls over her. I hold out my hand to help her up and she's about to but then points behind me.

"B!"

I turn around and see the punk vamp jumping out of the trees and making a run for it.

I hurl a knife before his feet and he comes to a screeching halt. He looks at me, panicking, but I'm the least of his worries because Faith has gotten up and is nearing him rapidly.

His face twists in fear and he gives the running away plan another shot.

I don't think so.

I plant the other knife before his feet again and he lets out a strangled scream as he turns around and sees Faith behind him.

She punches him square in the face and before he even hits the ground a stake is protruding from his chest.

Poof.

Faith picks up her stake and turns around, grinning. I grin back.

"We kick ass, B!"

I pretend to think about it and then nod admittingly.

"Yeah, we pretty much do, don't we?"

"Hell yeah."

I go over to her but wince as I'm suddenly reminded of the wound in my leg.

Ouch.

"Hey, how bad did that big one get you?" She jogs over to me.

"It wasn't that deep really but it stings." I shrug.

"Gotta disinfect it…" She looks around the cemetery. "My place is closest, wanna go?"

I quickly debate that in my mind.

"Um… Sure, yeah." I decide.

Although not whole-heartedly enthusiastic, I must admit.

A couple of minutes later we're walking to her place at a slow pace.

"I can't believe you'd accuse me of that, B." She says, offended.

I shrug innocently.

"You have to admit, it _is_ pretty convenient."

"That you happen to get hurt and we have to disinfect the wound?" She holds a hand to her chest incredulously.

"It's not that bad!" I protest.

"Oh come on, B! You really think I'm that cheap? That I'm trying to get out of paying for the pizza? We can still order in, you know." She shakes her head and glances at my wounded leg again.

Hm. Good point.

"Fine." I give in. "But it really isn't that bad since, obviously, I can still walk on it."

"Sure, that's great. Better be safe, though." She shrugs and pretends she hasn't been glancing at my wound all the time.

For little miss rebel wild girl, she's being really safe lately.

We're almost in her street and I breathe out deeply.

Here we go.

**Faith's POV:**

I take out my keys as we get out of the elevator and walk up to my door.

She looks around, impressed.

"It's a lot cleaner than that motel place."

"Definitely." I agree.

That neighborhood was a dump. Although this place isn't perfect either. Which reminds me.

"The other day though," I tell her. "there was coffee and donuts _all_ over the sidewalk."

I was kinda tempted to look in that box to see if any donuts survived it, but I held back. It was a sad sight to see though. What a waste.

I look up as I unlock the door. Buffy's blushing and looks away. What the…?

"Uhh… My wound _does_ kinda sting." She says.

Oh, right. And I open the door, flicking the lights on as I enter and hold the door for her to come in.

We settle in the living room and she looks impressed again as she takes in my kitchen too.

"Not too shabby, Faith. Not too shabby at all."

"Thanks, B. I'll give you a grand tour later on if you want." I take out the first-aid kit and put it on the coffee table in front of Buffy.

I wonder what she's thinking. She's acting weird. I think. I dunno, that's what's weird.

Briefly, I consider whether I should offer to clean the wound for her but she's already opening the kit and taking out what she needs.

"Need some help, B?" I ask anyway.

She looks up strangely.

"No, that's okay, thanks. Done it a million times…"

"Okay. Want something to drink then? While we wait for the pizza." I walk over to the kitchen.

I grab some glasses and glance to see her dabbing at her wound.

"Um…Sure, some water would be good."

"Yeesh, B. Don't you want anything stronger?"

I grab myself the bottle of JD and shake it in front of her.

"I have some beer too, if you prefer." I add.

She looks at me doubtfully and her lips pucker up in thought.

"What are _you_ having?" She asks.

"Jack, of course." I shrug.

She nods.

"I'll taste some of that."

"Cool." I grin.

She'll hate it. The first couple of sips at least.

I pour a little bit in her glass and fill mine up. Slayer metabolism, you know? Then I grab a third glass and fill it up with water.

I put the drinks on the coffee table and sit with mine on the lazy chair as she finishes up with her wound.

"All done." She rolls down her jeans. "Doesn't even need a bandage."

"Yeah, well, better safe than sorry or whatever." I drink from my glass and lean back.

She takes the glass of Jack Daniels and sniffs it suspiciously. I roll my eyes and smirk.

She sips from the glass carefully and makes a face.

"Yummy." She manages out unconvincingly.

"Right." I put my glass down and light a cigarette.

"Er… Do you have some water anyway?" She chokes out.

Didn't go down real smooth apparently. I nod towards the glass of water on the table and she grabs it eagerly.

"Thanks." She says between gulps.

And then the buzzer goes off and my face lights up. Pizza! I guess having a cell phone _does_ bring certain advantages along. We ordered a couple of pizza's on the way here.

"Hope you're hungry." I grin as I put my drink and cigarette down and jump up, hurrying to the door.

Damn, I know _I _am. I love it when Buffy and me patrol together, we work well. Those were a lot of vamps. And two of those Wolverine-like demons. But even hairier than Wolverine. Those H&H's are not to be underestimated after a big slay like tonight. I glance at Buffy as I open the front door.

She always looks so fucking good.

"Hey, that'll be…" The dude looks up from the bill and sees me for the first time.

I smile and lean against the door frame, shaking my head a little to let my hair down.

"Hi." I look him up and down and bite my lip like he turns me on or something.

"Uh…Hey. That'll be…" He looks me up and down a little bedazzled. How old is this kid? "That'll be twenty."

I flash him another smile and wink. Nice discount. I grab a twenty out of my pocket and hand it to him, making sure to graze his fingers. He hands me the three pizza's.

He gulps and smiles goofily.

"Alright, thanks dude." I grin and close the door.

I hear Buffy laugh softly behind me and I smile.

"Time to pig out, B." I walk over to her holding the pizza boxes carefully.

"You broke the kid's heart." She shakes her head but remains smiling.

I chuckle as I open the boxes on the coffee table.

"If anything, I don't think it was his heart that I broke, if you know what I mean." I grab the first of the many more slices to come and lick my lips in anticipation. "Dig in, B."

And she does. And we all know _I_ do, and pretty soon there is no evidence of there ever being any pizza whatsoever. Except for those boxes, but I quickly chuck them in the trash and resettle myself on the couch with another drink, feeling pretty much satisfied. Except for that one thing. But I don't think humping B would be the best idea right now.

"How about that tour, Faith?" She suggests and stretches contentedly.

I shove back the wave of burning hot _something_ from how beautiful she makes the simple act of stretching look.

"There's not much more to see, really." I shrug but get up. " You already saw the bathroom."

I swing the door to the empty spare room open and she looks from behind my shoulder.

"Hmm… Has potential." She approves.

I massage my neck absently as I lead the way to my bedroom. It's pink, you know. She'll give me a hard time about it.

"I still need to paint the bedroom." I tell her. "Like… as soon as possible."

She peeks in as I open the door and it doesn't take her long to enter all the way and notice the color on the wall.

She gasps and then almost squeals in glee.

"Oh my god, Faith! It's pink!" She waves her hands excitedly.

I bow my head in shame.

"Yes, yes it is." I admit sadly.

"That is so sexy!" Buffy almost purrs.

What the hell?

"You could add some dark furniture like black furniture or something…" She lets her hand travel across the bare wall. "With the right accessories…"

She turns around and grins. "Totally hot, Faith!"

…Right.

Hmmm…

I look around the room and try to imagine it with dark furniture and some cool posters and crap.

"Oh my god, what time is it?" Buffy asks suddenly.

"Uhh-.."

I take out my cell phone.

"Almost two." I answer.

She looks shocked and then worried. Uh-oh. Just blew a curfew?

I follow her out to the living room as she collects her things.

"I'm late! I promised my mom I'd be home by midnight, sorry." She pauses before putting on her jacket.

"Hey no problem, just explain to her about your leg, right?"

I open the front door for her and she hesitates before stepping into the hallway, smiling shyly.

"Um… About you and Cordelia-.."

"About me and Cordelia-.." I interrupt her. "…I think we both know it was a mistake."

I sigh. Stupid Faith.

She looks confused.

"I just… I dunno, I'm kinda messed up right now." I shrug helplessly.

Crap. I went to far there. She knows too much now. Fuck. Where did that come from?

Her eyes soften and she smiles gently.

"Don't worry Faith, maybe… I don't know. Maybe you just need some time?" She takes a couple of steps back.

Time?

Damn she looks good. It feels good when she's around too. The way she looks at me, like right now. It just feels good.

…

Better not drag it on for too long though… I quickly cough to wake up from the weird just looking at her moment.

"Uh..Right." I nod. "But uh…yeah, you're late." I remind her.

She nods.

"I am. I'll see you, Faith. I had fun tonight."

"Yeah, me too, B. See you tomorrow or something…" I nod.

She blushes and gives a little wave. "Alright, goodnight."

" 'Night, B." I smile as I close the door.

I attempt to remove the smile in vain as I walk to my bedroom. Damn it. That's just stupid. I massage my jaw and cheeks as I sit down on my bed.

Buffy messes me up real bad, I shake my head ruefully. I lean back on my elbows on the bed and look around the room.

Pink.

Doubtfully, I gaze at the walls.

Hmm… Maybe pink's not so bad.


	11. Christmas part One

**Buffy's POV:**

That must have been the strangest christmas break yet.

If someone went: 'Hey, Buffy, how was your christmas break?', I wouldn't know what to say. Not a clue. Or maybe…

Strange.

It was a strange Christmas break.

I mean, it began pretty ominously anyways.

Everything was sort of calm before it happened. The thing with Cordelia. It was about a week after that night I got my leg hurt. Winter break just started and we all knew something was going on with Cordelia and Faith.

Something not so good.

Xander and me walked into the school library, only to find some highly emotional drama.

"So then I realized that maybe I was being just a little paranoid." Xander was saying. "I mean, gerbils aren't organized enough to plan world domination, are they?"

I raise an eyebrow at him, worried.

"Right." He smiles sheepishly and twirls his hand around in the 'crazy'-motion.

Right. I nod.

He holds open the door to the library for me and I step in only to find Cordelia storming down the steps and Giles hurrying out from his office.

"Good god, Faith! Don't _tell_ me you don't know what I'm talking about!" Cordelia shouts heatedly.

Faith appears from behind the rows of books and she hesitates before going down the steps as she sees Xander and me.

"Cordy-.."

Faith begins but Cordelia interrupts.

"You'd have to be blind and stupid not to see it for christ's sake!" Cordy continues, the anger on her face the only thing stopping the tears from falling down.

Oh my god, what is going on? I turn to look at Xander, who might not be dealing well with this.

He doesn't seem so much bothered with the fact that his ex-girlfriend is having some sort of lover's quarrel with Faith but more with the fact that we walked into something he feels he has no business with anymore.

And then the strangest thing happens.

He looks at _me_, worried, as though he expects _me_ to have some sort problem with what's going on between Faith and Cordelia.

"Cordy, would you calm down? Jeez, I mean…" Faith looks pointedly at Giles. "You'll give the guy a heart-attack." She attempts a joke.

Giles looks startled at how the attention is now focused on him and he takes a step back, glasses in hand, shaking his head. Reassuring us that in fact, no, his heart was just fine thanks.

Cordelia however, seems less than amused. She turns around, looks at me and Xander and sighs.

"Well..." She smiles ruefully. "I knew it."

She checks her purse, shaking her head. Then she looks up at Xander, the regret surprisingly plain on her face.

"Xander,…" She begins but falters.

"Hey, I know, still friends, right?" He smiles sympathetically and she sighs in relief, but I notice she's shaking.

Whatever happened has really gotten to her.

She's about to turn around to look at Faith but changes her mind, looks at me briefly and then walks away. As she passes by Xander and me, I see her eyes filled up and jaw clenched tightly.

I frown, realizing she'd probably rather die than cry in front of all of us. But then who is she going to cry to?

The double doors swing sadly shut as Cordelia leaves.

I look over to Faith and she looks from the doors to me, catching my gaze. She looks away, pained and I frown. Whatever this is, it's hurting them both and it sucks. Although I may not like them being…'romantically involved' or whatever, they're still my friends, right? At least I still consider them to be.

I look at the doors again as they swing one last time.

Who _will_ Cordy go to?

Harmony?

"Cordelia!"

I call out as I run down the hallway. She hesitates but only for a second, and she keeps walking.

"Cordelia, wait!" I call out again and run after her.

This time, she stops and quickly wipes her eyes before she turns.

"What, Buffy? What?!" She seems so stressed out.

Okay…What to say? This is Cordelia.

"Um. I just… I needed your advice on something. On clothes." I attempt.

"What?!" She says in a shrill tone.

I'm starting to think this is a bad idea. Have to go for it though.

"Yeah, because…Well you know me." I roll my eyes and pose lamely in my outfit.

It's a lemon yellow skirt with a white top and flip-flops. I like it, I wouldn't be wearing it if I didn't. But she probably has five fashion no-no's written in her mental fashion police notebook already.

She looks at me suspiciously and briefly turns away to brush away a stray tear.

"I was thinking we could go to the mall?" I continue carefully.

She still seems hesitant.

"You know with Christmas coming up, it's totally an emergency."

She frowns.

"I don't know what you're trying to pull, Summers, but I don't like it." She narrows her eyes.

I roll my eyes. God, will she ever stop the hostility? I decide to change tactics and simply link my arm with hers, dragging her along the hallway.

"Buffy!" She yelps. "What are you doing?"

"C'mon, Cordy, we're going shopping." I announce excitedly. "I need your help."

God, I hope she didn't hear me grind my teeth when I said that.

She finally stops struggling and I release her from the torture that is my arm around hers.

"Right, it'll be great." She agrees, the sarcasm dripping off every word. "We can _bond_."

"Hah!" I laugh but then bite my lip.

That was sorta the plan.

…

Hey, I'm not exactly known as 'Buffy, The Rational Slayer', you know?

"I don't get why I have to do this, I actually have other, more significant, things to do." She complains as we walk over the parking lot.

"Because I've saved your life several times now and you owe me, give me your keys." I hold my hand out and she looks at me like I'm crazy.

You see what I'm saying?

"Um. Why?" She asks incredulously.

"Um. Because I'm driving."

"Hah!" She laughs. "I don't think so."

"Then how do we get to the mall?"

She rolls her eyes and unlocks her car with two quick beeps.

"I'm upset, Buffy, not suicidal. Get in." She opens the door and takes out her sunglasses, putting them on. "But after this, no more saving my life unless I ask you to, okay?"

She sniffs and then quickly steps in the car, checking herself in the mirror.

Cordelia Chase. Not exactly known as 'Cordelia, The Rational Cheerleader' either.

At the mall she helps me pick out a couple of tops and a cute skirt. I decide to hold off on any serious talking and instead try and coax her into an après-shopping ice cream chat. Usually works with Willow, it's worth a shot.

I gotta tell you though, Cordelia's a drill sergeant when it comes to shopping! And like a sniper too.

Because when we enter a store, she kind of looks around for a target and then zooms in, and then, one by one, she points them out.

Bam, bam, bam! Jacket, top, sweater. Changing room, _now_, soldier!

All business when it comes to clothes. I prefer to mozy around and hover.

We manage to go through five or six stores and pick out some clothes for me before I have to admit my budget stops me from buying anything else. So then we decide to grab something to eat and I realize it's my chance to finally have a serious conversation with her.

At the ice cream parlor she orders strawberry and I order vanilla. Cordelia pays the girl at the counter and rolls her eyes at me.

"What?" I ask as we make our way to a free table by the window.

"Vanilla?" She raises an eyebrow at me as we sit down.

I look down at my cold yummy vanilla treat.

"Yeah, it's my favorite."

She shrugs and takes a small nip of her strawberry ice cream.

"Faith _said_ you were the vanilla kind of girl..." She shrugs.

My head snaps up unintentionally at the mention of Faith and my ears perk up at the mention of Faith mentioning me.

"She did?"

She said I was the vanilla kind of girl? … What does that mean?

"Yup." She continues eating, yet watching me carefully.

"Um… About Faith," I frown at my ice cream. "What was that about in the library?"

I put a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth as I let Cordelia mull over how to answer that question.

Hah, she thought I'd go for the vanilla comment! She _knew_ this was coming! But I am not so easily fooled with Faith babble! … Well not right now anyway, we'll have to get back on that comment later.

"You know what happened last week with Faith and me, right?" She finally asks.

"Yeah." I nod.

I know painfully well.

"Well that was bullshit and it was stupid of me." She shrugs and stabs at her ice cream a little.

…Okay.

"I mean, let's be honest here, Buffy." She looks up and looks me straight in the eye. "She's yours."

I lean back in shock. What is she talking about? What is she saying?

"Not a lot of people have been nice to Faith and not wanted something in return. I didn't ask her for anything but… I think she knew what I wanted. And she just tried to give it to me. But she doesn't understand. I don't want her. Like that. Let's just say… I was never good at being number two anyway."

"She may not like it, and she may try and fight it, but she can't help it." She sighs and takes another bite of ice cream. "Anyway, it's not like you can either, right?"

…Okay.

What do I say, what do I say? What did _she_ just say?

"What do you mean?" I manage to stumble out.

"Oh please, don't make me say it even plainer. I might have to gag." She rolls her eyes. "She's yours, you're hers." She says matter-of-factly, pointing at me with her white plastic spoon."

I shake my head and lean forward, about to interrupt, but she shoves the plastic spoon in my face and shakes her head sternly.

"No, listen." She says.

I make a face at the spoon barely an inch from my eye and lean back again.

"You stare at her, she stares at you, you both pretend not to do it. And the rest of us just watch you. Acting like idiots." She laughs ruefully. "You know it was fun for Xander to watch at first but even _he_ sees this isn't healthy anymore."

"And god, you should tape your training sessions once. You'll see, it's dripping off both of you!" She groans, frustrated. "I don't know what I was thinking, it was stupid."

She leans back in her chair and sighs. I still don't know quite what to say, everything she just said still processing in my mind.

We sit in silence as I sit and she finishes her ice cream. I look up and frown.

"You know _she's_ the one who keeps staring." I blurt out.

Oops. Was that a bad thing to say? But Cordelia just laughs.

"Sure. Whatever you say, Buffy." She takes out a small mirror from her purse and clicks it open. "And those big browns just kinda pulled you in, huh?"

I smile as I think about Faith's eyes. But since Faith's always looking away when I look at her, it's always something else I notice.

"Actually it's the ears." I admit. "Did you know when she blushes she actually-.."

"Goes pink behind the ears?" Cordelia finishes as she touches up her lipstick.

I nod.

"She thinks she gets away with it too." She adds and scoffs.

I laugh but then stop. Is it okay to be doing this?

"Um…yeah." I agree. "But Faith's lame, really, in the end. Lame. Lame Faith."

Okay, that didn't go too smooth.

Cordelia puts all her stuff back in her purse and looks at me seriously.

"Sure, Buffy." She humors me. "Listen, thanks for the talk."

She says the last part quickly and doesn't look me in the eye but I know she means it.

"Send me a card from Spain?" I ask and get up with her.

"I dunno. Might be a little busy, if you know what I mean." And she winks.

"Oh, right. Hot guys." I nod. "Or…girls I guess."

Cordelia rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

"Oh, no, I'll stick with guys for now I think. Girls eventually are a little more complex and maybe it's best to keep this winter fling simple." She takes out her cell phone as she begins to slowly walk away.

"Right. Well I'll see you in two weeks then, Cordy, thanks for the help." I pick up my shopping bags and smile.

"No problem." She nods. "And just remember: tapered pants are our enemy."

I laugh to myself as she walks away.

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am."

**Faith's POV**

Shit happens.

We all know this

Weird shit happens, we all know this too.

But in Sunnydale, weird shit happens just that little bit more.

I was patrolling the neighborhood around the Bronze one night, about a week after Buffy got her leg bit, and I ran into Willow.

I followed her down the street for a while and then snuck up and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped and turned around.

"Hey, Red." I grin.

She sighs, relieved.

"Whatcha doing out so late?" I shove my hands in my pockets. It's kinda nippy out tonight.

…Nippy?

"Hi, Faith." She shrugs in a way that I'm sure she thinks seems laid-back. "You know, just hanging around, passed by the Bronze."

"Right." I nod. "So you're heading home then?"

"Uh huh."

"Cool," I step in beside her. "I'll walk with you."

She seems grateful and we start up a slow pace.

"So what are you doing Friday morning?" She asks seemingly off-handed.

I knew it. Passed by the Bronze, my ass! She was looking for me. Oz is out of town, B is on some mandatory family-time with her mom and sister and Xander's got enough family on his hands now too. Why the hell would she be at the Bronze?

"I'll be sleeping off a huge hang-over from the night before, Freckles. You?" I play along.

"I'll be at Buffy's place with the rest of the gang, bar Oz and Cordelia, opening gifts. Many gifts!" She repeats.

Oh, please, bribes? Is this what it's come to?

"Listen Red, aren't you Jewish anyway? What does Christmas matter to you?"

"It's not about religion." She shakes her head. "It's just about being together and-.."

She stops talking as she sees me roll my eyes.

"I know it's cheesy and everything but…" She shrugs. "It'll be fun."

"Sorry, Red." I shrug back. "Can't do it. Just not my place, alright?"

And it really isn't. I'd feel way out of place. Imagine me sitting in some weird-ass circle with Giles and B, Mrs S and everyone else… Opening gifts. Drinking cocoa. Fucked up, huh? I'd have to be drinking. … Alcohol, I mean.

"You really won't change your mind?" She pleads.

"Doubt it." I take out a cigarette and light up.

"Are those light cigarettes? Because when they say light, they don't really mean light. I mean the amount of tar in them isn't significantly reduced or anything. The amount of damage to your lungs is still trem-.."

"Red?"

She looks up.

"Yes?"

"Gimme a break? Besides, they're not light." I smile to let her know I just wanna enjoy my cigarette.

"Sure, yeah. Sorry. It's just, it's not healthy. You shouldn't smoke."

I chuckle as we cross the street.

"Yeah, that's what Buffy always says."

"Oh." She says, suddenly quiet. "Well she's right."

She makes a sound as though she's about to say something else but nothing comes out. We walk in silence for another minute or so.

"Did you find anything about that mind-reading thing?" I ask her eventually.

Remember that weird-ass training session? That wasn't normal, boys and girls.

Willow nods and her eyebrows furrow in research-mode.

"Several things, actually. But it would really help if I had more specifics." She admits. "Why exactly do you think she read your mind?"

"I told you, she said exactly the same thing I was thinking." I shrug. It was just really fucking weird. She wasn't just on my mind, it was like she was actually there. In my mind. Just kinda like a presence floating around.

"And that's it?" She gives me a skeptic look. "What happened when you were meditating?"

I raise an eyebrow. …

"Uhh… Yeah, there was some weirdness there too."

She nods, seeming suspiciously not surprised.

"Uh huh. What happened?"

"Just… I started thinking about weird shit."

"Like what?"

Okay, now what would be the best way to say this?

"… Like ears, Christmas and pink." I shrug.

She looks at me, worried.

"Hey, I said it was weird!" I attempt to defend myself.

"Well it certainly doesn't sound very… normal." She watches me strangely.

"No shit." I shake my head as we near her house.

"Well, I'll have to do some more research but I'll let you know, okay?" She says as I walk her up to her door.

"Cool. Thanks, Red." I nod and start back-tracking towards the street as she opens the door. "Tell your mom I said hi." I wink and she laughs.

Her mom hates my guts. She told Red she'd be grounded if she hung out with me again. Willow surprised me though when she actually stood up to Mrs Rosenberg. I mean, I'm still not allowed in the house or anything, but go Red for not taking her mom's shit. Well you know, not all of it anyway. I guess there has to be a balance in shit-taking.

"Will do, Faith. Bye!" She smiles and waves before disappearing inside.

I freeze in the middle of walking back towards the Bronze.

You know, Revello Drive's not that far from here. I hesitate as I look from the direction of the Bronze to the direction of Buf-… I mean. Revello Drive. The Revello neighborhood. No specific house or anything. This is pure professional slayer thinking.

I'm suddenly aware of the fact that I'm not feeling the slayer connection.

Yeah, it's been a while since I patrolled that neighborhood, I should probably check it out.

And with that, I turn around and walk in the direction of Revello Drive. Obviously, for purely work-related reasons.

Obviously.

Buffy's been on my mind a lot. Again. Well although I hate to admit it, she's usually on my mind anyway. But after Fangboy came back and… you know… I kind of pulled away. And I thought it was working, I really did. Cuz for a while there, I barely even saw her or talked to her or anything.

But now, we've been hanging out more again. And that annoying pull in my mind seems to have come back with a vengeance. Not even mentioning the strange pull around my chest area. Cuz that one's a real pain in the ass. It messes up my breathing, my heartbeat, my thinking… everything.

And the fucker's back and it sure knows how to fuck with me.

I fight the will to slap myself and instead settle for shaking my head. I fucked up bad this afternoon too.

After Cordy's been so good to me, I'm such an asshole!

See, after that weird incident at my place last week, things were kinda strained between me and her. Not for long though cuz I went to her place the next day and… well I kinda convinced her to forget about it.

I can be _very_ persuasive.

Maybe a little too persuasive. I shouldn't have done it. But seriously, she jumped me! No, she really did, she admitted it! Anyway the sex was hot; wicked hot even. But afterwards… I dunno. It didn't feel right. We'd be all over each other and then… just not know what to talk about.

Which is messed up because before we fucked, we never had that problem. And now we'd just end up fighting about something stupid.

After getting dressed again and sometimes not even getting that far, we'd fight. She'd be shrieking, I'd be shrugging, doors would be slamming and then one of us would go away. Just to meet up again some time later, rip each other's clothes off, and start up the whole routine again.

Funny thing was though, that I never really knew what the hell we were fighting about. And I didn't think Cordelia did either. That is, until this afternoon.

Since winter break had just started, the school was basically empty except for the few of us in the library. Red was tutoring me while Giles was doing whatever in his office.

"It's a number."

"… But you just said it was a pie." I frown.

Willow shakes her head.

"No, I said it was Pi. Not _a_ pie. Just pi. See?" She points it out in the book in front of me.

"Oh." I lean back in my chair, disappointed. "Well then I take it back. There _isn't_ anything good about math."

She giggles and turns the page.

"You'll get the hang of it." She assures me and continues to drone on and on about formulas and definitions.

For endless weeks and weeks, or more accurately; one hour, she makes me solve pointless problems, successfully making me want to shove a stake through my eye. And then she actually gives me a couple pages more for after she leaves.

I smile at her as she waves goodbye and walks out the doors. And then I quickly shove the pages between a random book and place it back on the shelf.

It's a shame really, the destructive behavior of vampires. No respect, not even for homework.

Since I'm, regretfully, incapable of doing the given homework, I decide to train a little and I take out the punching bag. Definitely need one of these at my place.

Giles must be really busy with something because he doesn't even complain about the noise as I repeatedly beat on the bag. It feels good to just punch something. Over and over and over again.

After a couple of minutes, I'm completely focused on the bag and my fists, forgetting everything around me. I grimly realize though, that a certain blonde is still somewhere in the back of my head, smiling obliviously.

Oblivious to how fucking hot she looks.

Punch.

Oblivious to how much I want her.

Punch.

Oblivious to the fucking chaos she wreaks.

Punch.

Oblivious to me.

I suddenly don't feel like beating the shit out of the punching bag anymore and lean my forehead against it. It's filled with sand anyway, what's the point. My breathing is slightly labored and a thin sheen of sweat covers my skin.

No, forget about B.

Punch.

Forget about Buffy.

Punch. Punch, punch, punch, punch, punch.

"Feeling frustrated, Faith?"

I stop my actions as I hear Cordelia. I steady the punching bag in front of me and steady my breathing.

My breathing abruptly stops as I hear the sound of Cordelia's stiletto's coming closer. She lets a finger travel lightly across my neck as she walks up from behind me.

"Because you wouldn't be alone." She says quietly. Sexily.

I finally pull my gaze from the punching bag and look at her.

Big mistake.

She's wearing the sexiest black mini-skirt, showing off her great legs. She looks at me from hooded eyelashes, making her intentions absolutely clear to me as she licks her lips and wraps her arms around my waist.

"I thought you were mad at me." I say, and it comes out husky without my intention.

Damn. And I swallow hard. She's fucking hot.

She hungrily looks from my neck to my jaw and then lips before looking me in the eye.

"Well I've decided to forgive you." She flashes me a little grin and then kisses my lower lip.

I quirk an eyebrow. Forgive me? For what? I don't even know what I did.

She smiles again as she sees the expression on my face.

"It doesn't matter." She says and kisses my neck.

Her perfume is intoxicatingly sweet and her neck is begging to be kissed so I oblige. She moans approvingly and pushes her body even closer against mine.

"Up there." She gasps as I slide my thigh between her legs.

Uh… Ok!

You don't have to tell me twice and I quickly grab her hand, checking that Giles is in his office as we rush up the stairs.

She takes control as we reach the tall bookshelves and she leads me all the way to the back, coyly leaning against the wall as she draws me nearer.

We grope and tongue each other for a couple of minutes but it's getting harder and harder not to rip off her clothes. Which would be a very bad idea, considering this is Cordelia.

She moans deliciously and suddenly her hands are working on the buttons of my pants. She seems to have trouble though because her hands are shaking. She kisses and sucks on my neck as she pops open the last button.

"You make me so fucking hot, Faith." She breathes out.

I grin and lower my hands to her butt. But then I freeze. A surge of energy and warmth suddenly wraps itself around me I involuntarily take a deep breath, the intensity of the feeling going straight to my core. Bright green eyes flash in my mind.

Cordelia notices my sudden change of demeanor and she pulls back slightly, her eyes searching for something in mine. Her eyes then widen and she breaks all contact, pushing me back.

I open my mouth, about to protest or ask what the problem is but her eyes are brimming with tears and I don't make a sound.

"It's her, isn't it?" She says, accusingly but with a hint of sad resignation I hadn't heard before.

I spread my arms a little, just as my heart starts beating faster and faster. My chest tightens in excited expectation as I feel her coming closer and closer. I shake my head at Cordelia.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I clench my jaws and attempt to stop my body from acting out without my permission.

The flash of hurt in her eyes is painfully clear but is quickly replaced by furious frustration.

"I'm so stupid…" She shakes her head bitterly before arranging her skirt and then briskly walking away.

I grimace as I realize I've messed up again. I button my pants in a flash and follow her.

"Cordy… What're you-…I don't know what you're talking about!" I attempt to make her calm down as she rushes down the stairs.

"Good god, Faith! Don't _tell_ me you don't know what I'm talking about!" She shouts, her voice breaking a little.

I'm about to follow her down when I see what my body was screaming at me for. Buffy is standing next to Xander by the library doors, looking stunned. I see Giles rush out of his office from the corner of my eye.

Great.

"Cordy-.." I try again but Cordy interrupts.

"You'd have to be blind and stupid not to see it for christ's sake!" She yells and I clench my jaw even tighter.

Fuck, this is not good. If I had to make a list of people I don't want to see or hear this; Xander, Giles and Buffy would be all the way up there.

"Cordy, would you calm down? Jeez, I mean…" I look to Giles and attempt to lighten the mood. "You'll give the guy a heart-attack." I smile weakly.

I think lightening the mood was the last thing Cordelia wanted me to do though because she just turns her back at me and looks at Buffy.

"Well…I knew it." She sighs. She then looks at Xander. "Xander,…" She begins but stops.

Xander seems to understand though and gives her a small smile.

"Hey, I know; still friends, right?"

Cordelia sighs in relief and then looks at Buffy one more time before walking away.

Both Buffy and Xander look worried as she passes them by and walks out the doors.

Fuck, I'm such an asshole! How the hell am I ever supposed to make this right? I feel my shoulders slump and look up to find Buffy looking back at me. I turn away, her bright green eyes having much more effect on me than I'm comfortable with.

I wanna go after Cordy but I'm the last person she wants to see.

The sound of the double doors swinging quickly open and shut makes me turn around and I catch a flash of Buffy rushing out.

I massage my neck and grimace, not really knowing what the hell to think or do or say right now. Xander looks at me and shares my pained expression. At least he doesn't seem pissed.

Giles looks from me to Xander, to the doors and back to me again.

"I don't suppose I want to know?" He says, eyebrow raised.

Pretty fucked, huh?

And I haven't seen Cordy since. She's supposed to leave for Spain tomorrow, I feel like such a shit.

I kick a small rock away and sigh as I feel the by now familiar tingling and recognize Revello Drive in front of me.

It's not like I don't know what the problem is.

It's Buffy. Or to be more precise, my thing for Buffy. My 'feelings' towards her if you will. Walking even nearer towards her house, I stop and close my eyes as I let the warmth envelop me again. It's probably messed up of me to be doing this right now, after what happened, but I can't help it.

Sometimes I get the feeling I might need Buffy.

I open my eyes again. Fuck that.

And I turn around, determined to get the fuck out of here. This is just too screwed up.

I hesitate though as I hear the rustling of leaves and I turn back.

What the…?

I see Buffy in her cow pajama's hopping down the tree outside her window. She looks at me as she stands back up, smiling sheepishly.

I quirk my eyebrows and I can't help smirk back. She's just too cute.

My heart-rate speeds up and my senses intensify as we walk up to each other. Her hair is a bit messy and she looks even tinier than usual in her oversized pj's.

"Hi." She smiles shyly as she reaches me.

I smile back, very much amused with her unusually scruffy appearance. I notice a leaf in her hair and I reach out to remove it. Her big eyes shine brightly in the moonlight as she watches my arm reach over her head and pick out the stray leaf, letting it twirl down on the sidewalk.

"Hey." I reply.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, her eyes large and questioning.

Damn those eyes. But I inwardly shake my head, refusing to get caught again. Instead, I quirk my head to the side and smirk.

"I could ask you the same thing, B." I look at her bare feet and pajamas pointedly.

She looks down and for the first time notices her feet lacking of footwear.

"Oh." She frowns. "Um. I like walking around with bare feet." She shrugs.

Yeah, right.

But I stay silent and just give her a look.

"It's fun." She continues stubbornly.

"Dogs pee on the street, you know." I tell her.

I see her cringe for a second but she quickly recovers, refusing to let up.

"It's…nature." She manages through nearly clenched teeth.

She can be so stubborn sometimes, even though she knows I know she's bullshitting.

"Right." I say in a tone that tells her I don't believe a word she's saying.

"I couldn't sleep." She shrugs. "And then I felt you in the neighborhood so I thought I'd say hi."

"Missed me?" I smirk and she rolls her eyes.

"What are you doing here anyway?" She asks again.

Shit.

"I walked Red home." I tell her. "Thought I'd give the neighborhood a once-over."

Hey, that didn't sound too bad.

She nibbles on her lower lip, probably annoyed at the plausibility of my story.

"Walked her home from where?" She asks.

"The Bronze."

"Hah!" She points at me. "What would she be doing at the Bronze?"

I throw my head back and chuckle. I can't believe her!

"Actually I don't think she was doing anything at the Bronze." I grin. "She was trying to get me to go to your Christmas thingamajig."

She frowns, realizing I've got an airtight story on my hands. Or maybe because I still don't want to go to her Christmas thing.

"Oh." She says, deflated.

"I was hoping you'd still be up though." I shrug.

Whoa! Where did _that_ come from? Whether it was how cute she looked, or her sudden disappointment at my story, I suddenly felt the urge to say something.

But not something like _that_!

I don't get to berate myself for too long though because at the sound of my words, her whole face suddenly lights up and she rewards me with a dazzling smile, her eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

And you know it's impossible for me to be unaffected when she does that.

I smile back like an idiot, deliriously happy that I made her smile.

Uh-oh. That's no good.

"Really?" She asks.

"No." I instinctively answer, feeling more and more backed in a corner by her power over me.

And just like that, her face drops.

"I mean yeah!" I quickly exclaim, although frightened by the beauty of her smile, unwilling to see it fade away. "Of course! I mean, you know… yeah." I finish lamely.

The corners of her lips curl up again in a cute little smile and she swats my arm.

"Good." She says. "How was patrol?"

I shrug.

"It was alright."

Would've been better with her though. But I don't tell her that.

"Did you eat?"

I smile, cuz I know she's thinking about the H&H's. I briefly consider making some lewd joke but decide against it. Things have been going good between us, I don't wanna scare her.

"Yeah, I stopped by Moody's." I tell her.

She makes a face.

"Eww, Faith. Moody's is so unhygienic."

"Meh… Slayer metabolism can beat salmonella any day." I shrug and she frowns disapprovingly.

"I can heat up some left-over lasagna from dinner if you want." She offers.

"Nah, that's alright, B. Moody's took care of the hungries for me already."

"Right." She says quietly.

"I better go though, cuz I'm not gonna get my itch scratched around here." I grin.

But inside I'm groaning. Why can't you just be gay, B?!

Her eyes narrow dangerously. Uh-oh. What'd I say?

"Whatever." She says coldly.

Fuck, not again. I hate it when she does this. It's all cool until something, whatever it is, happens, and then she does the squinty eye thing. And then I know I'm in trouble.

"Right." I nod. "… Well I guess I'll see ya then."

She shrugs indifferently.

"Sure."

I sigh.

Fine. Be that way.

I shrug back, making sure my face is even more indifferent than hers and her eyes narrow again. Whatever, man. Screw B and her mixed signals.

…I wish.

But whatever. So I turn around and walk away. Indifferently. Two can play that game.

"Have fun on Christmas, Buffy." I tell her without looking back and I can practically feel her eyes boring into my back.

She hates it when I don't react to her little mood swings. But what does she expect? That I fall on my knees and beg her to tell me why I've fallen out of grace and tell her I'd do anything to get her to not be pissed at me anymore?

Yeah, right.

"Oh, I will!" She calls after me.

The brat.

When I'm sure I'm out of earshot though, I can't help but sigh.

That girl fucks me up bad.

Buffy's POV 

Argh! Argh, I say!

"Can you _believe_ her?!" I ask Mr Gordo.

He just looks at me, wisely choosing to remain silent. I flop down on my bed and let out a big sigh as I stare at the ceiling.

Faith is like the queen of mixed signals. She says one thing, but then turns around and says something completely contradictory to her previous statement. She sends you one vibe, you blink, and she's sending you another one. What is wrong with her? Is it some kind of medical condition I'm not aware of? Does she need some sort of treatment?

I doubt it.

She just sucks. I don't even remember why I liked her in the first place!

I get up and walk towards my door. I need to wash my feet. Cuz, you know…Eww.

Faith sucks though. She sucks! She's the suckiest person I've ever met in my life! Why did I like her anyway?

Out of habit, my eyes glance at the pictures on my wall as I open my door.

I sigh as I see the picture of Faith and me in the library.

Oh, right. That's why.

But I mean… Why does she have to be that way, you know? I can't believe I just jumped out my window in my pajama's for her. I look down and blush. Oh, god. I'm wearing the one with the cows.

Ugh! I bet she's just having a riot with that one.

'Haha, cow PJ's! …They're-…you know…They're cows.'

Fine, I'm not sure how she'd mock me but she would. She _is_.

I blame it on Cordy. Not Faith's lame behavior. But my lame behavior. Her whole 'she's yours, you're hers'-speech was in my head all freaking day long, it messed me up. And I mean-.. Who do you think Faith is going to right now? To 'scratch her itch' as she so gracefully put it.

Cordelia doesn't know what she's talking about. She just enjoys messing me up like this. I knew I shouldn't have trusted her. And now she's with Faith. Doing things I don't want even want to think about.

I sigh as I lay in my bed fifteen minutes later, staring at the ceiling. I need to be with her. I can't keep doing this. So I need to go to her.

Not tonight though. I don't wanna interrupt her if she's with Cordelia. I feel my eyes tearing up just by the thought of Faith being with someone else. I have to stop sucking this much!

I grant myself a sniffle but decide to stop being such a baby and just vow to go to her place tomorrow morning and I dunno… Tell her. Whatever it is. I need to know what she feels. I need to hear her say it. What ever it is. .. That she needs to say.

My head is filled with pointless thoughts and my mind rants on and on about Faith and what I need to do in the morning as I fall asleep.

And let me just say right here: sometimes waking up sucks.

Since I forget to set my alarm, I'm already way too late by the time I get up. And I already have to go rushing to Faith's before I even get to stop and re-evaluate if this is a good plan after all. So before I know it, I'm standing in front of Faith's door, feeling very confused and flustered. And trying to come up with the best way to coax her into opening the door.

"I come bearing gifts." I try.

No answer. Hmm…

"Gifts you can eat."

Silence.

And then I hear the door unlock and it swings open slowly. Suspiciously, Faith peeks through the door and I roll my eyes, holding up the bag from the Espresso Pump.

Her eyebrows quirk up as she sees it and I smile.

I'm in.

She opens the door fully and steps back for me to enter. She can be so predictable sometimes.

I walk into the living room and frown as I see several bottles of Jack Daniels empty on the floor. I put the bag down on the coffee table and turn to look at Faith.

She looks at the three bottles. Three! And she shrugs.

"I was thirsty."

Thirsty?!

I feel my eyes narrowing and I bite my lip to hold back from saying something too confrontational.

Instead I just go

"Oh?"

She raises an eyebrow at that.

"I brought Belgian waffles." I gesture towards the paper bag on the coffee table.

She raises two eyebrows at that and her stomach grumbles on queue.

"Help yourself," I shrug. "I already ate."

She eyes me suspiciously as she walks over and sits down on her couch hesitantly.

Yeesh, like I can't be nice!

I roll my eyes and pick up the three empty bottles before heading towards her kitchen.

I hear the rustling of the paper bag stop as she sees me cleaning up.

"Whatcha doing, B?"

"I'm cleaning." I say matter-of-factly. "Eat."

I actually hear her voice go 'hungh?' in confusion and I look up, to see her quickly hide her confused expression.

"Uh…Okay." She mumbles and takes a bite of her waffle. I can still see she doesn't completely trust the situation yet though.

The nerve!

I open the fridge to survey the contents and frown as I see she only has some leftover take-out.

"Don't you eat fruit, Faith?" I turn to look at her as I close the fridge.

She's on her third waffle already and she finishes it in two bites. She shrugs as she gulps it down, already eyeing the last waffle.

"I drink juice sometimes." She says. "It's good with vodka."

She's an alcoholic. She's a friggin' alcoholic!

She laughs as she sees my expression.

"I'm kidding, B, lighten up. I'm not an alcoholic." She finally grabs the waffle.

Haha, very funny. I roll my eyes.

I continue to sort through the junk on the counter and open her cupboards, trying to organize this mess.

"So what were you and Cordelia up to last night?" I ask off-handedly.

Whoa, I'm not beating around the bush, am I?

I fight the urge to turn around and analyze her face as she tries to figure out how to answer that.

"I was… Well, drinking. To you know, quench my thirst." She coughs. "And Cordelia was… I dunno. Packing I guess."

I suddenly freeze but force myself to start moving again. So… They weren't…

"You weren't together?" I ask her.

There's a short pause.

"No. She wasn't with me. I'm not… _with_ her, you know? I mean… We're not… together. Although…"

Another pause.

"I do love her."

I freeze again.

"She's great." Faith coughs.

Whoa. She loves Cordelia. And she said it too.

"But… It's not like that with her."

Okay, wait, give me a minute.

I turn around.

And I see her, and I wonder if turning around was a good idea after all. Because I don't know what to say.

Faith looks at me, and she looks at me so openly. Which is very rare. And her big brown eyes just look at me and I melt but then she looks down. And she brushes her mouth briefly with the back of her hand.

"Anyway… Thanks for the waffles." She mumbles uncomfortably.

"Any time." I say.

Thanks for letting me in and see you, I think.

"I think I should go." I say.

I swear, I'll have to kiss her and hold her and god, touch her, if I don't go right now.

She nods quickly and stands up.

For a moment, I think she's glad I'm leaving, but something tells me there's something else. Maybe the little blush of pink behind her ears as she avoids my eyes.

"Yeah, right. Cuz… Yeah. Busy, right?" She says as she walks towards the front door.

"Yeah…" I sigh. "Are you sure you don't want to come for dinner? Or gifts tomorrow?" I ask as I follow her.

She looks down and smirks, opening the door slowly.

"I don't think so, B."

I nod. And try to squeeze by her to get into the hallway outside. But then she looks up and I freeze.

"I appreciate it though. … You know." She gestures randomly with her hand and shrugs. "Sounds nice."

I smile.

And kiss her.

I manage to not quite kiss her on the lips, I think I kiss her where her dimples show when she smiles. It's brief and I quickly pull away.

God, I can't believe I just did that.

She looks like she can't believe it either.

"Okay, so-…" I look at her wide-eyed. "Um."

I take her hand and shake it.

"I'll see you." I say and nod. And… shake her hand some more. "Around."

She nods back.

"Bye." I say.

And get this: I kiss her again.

No, on the lips this time. But just as brief. And pretty chaste. And probably ridiculous to Faith. Considering… Well you know.

But seriously, I thought I'd established that the first time was a mistake, and now I do it again?

Not good.

But I nod. Again. And shake her hand. Some more. Because I somehow feel that this is appropriate behavior right now.

Great.

"Bye, Faith." I say.

And then finally let go of her hand and rush out.

Holy friggin' god of gods and powers that be!

What the hell?

I don't even look back as I nearly run out of her building and all the way back home.

I repeat: What. The. Hell?!

God, I hate it when something like that happens and then I run out, and then… Then I have to wait until the next time I see her until this gets resolved!

So. Not. Cool.


End file.
